Terry8889 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) I have had 3 "serious" relationships in my young life so far, and in all of them I have been taken for granted and dumped. Not because I did something bad like cheating, lying, bad temper, etc. For some reason I was just dumped. I did my best to be a good girlfriend, not because I was pretending to be but because I consider myself to be a nice person in general. Analyzing things, I ask myself what am I doing wrong, am I being too nice? too kind? too considerate? so guys get bored and not interested anymore. Or am I attracting a.s.sholes who do not appreciate me? I have seen how some of my guy friends had broken up with nice, decent girls and had fallen crazy with love with bitchy women. I don't understand why, do guys enjoy being mistreated or is it more fun to date slutty girls? I just don't get, what is that I am doing wrong. Should I be not that nice anymore in a relationship or try and not show much love to a guy, or am I just attracting the wrong type of men, how can I change that. idk. Any opinions? Edited September 30, 2015 by Terry8889 1
Redhead14 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I have had 3 "serious" relationships in my young life so far, and in all of them I have been taken for granted and dumped. Not because I did something bad like cheating, lying, bad temper, etc. For some reason I was just dumped. I did my best to be a good girlfriend, not because I was pretending to be but because I consider myself to be a nice person in general. Analyzing things, I ask myself what am I doing wrong, am I being too nice? too kind? too considerate? so guys get bored and not interested anymore. Or am I attracting a.s.sholes who do not appreciate me? I have seen how some of my guy friends had broken up with nice, decent girls and had fallen crazy with love with bitchy women. I don't understand why, do guys enjoy being mistreated or is it more fun to date slutty girls? I just don't get, what is that I am doing wrong. Should I be not that nice anymore in a relationship or try and not show much love to a guy, or am I just attracting the wrong type of men, how can I change that. idk. Any opinions? The amount of "love" you give should be equal to the amount you "receive". 3
Gaeta Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I think what you've done (familiar with your last thread) and also what I have done too many times is to forgive and let go of small bad behavior while we should be putting our foot down right away. I have done that too many times in the past. Some boyfriend would be borderline-rude with me and I'd let it go, the next time he'd be rude a little more and I'd let it go again then slowly this man loses all respect for me. He feels he can treat me any kind of way I'll stick around anyway. It goes hand in hand with above poster who said: give the same amount of love that you receive. I would add at the first sign of disrespectful behavior you speak up and make it clear it's not how it's gonna work with you and if he repeats it, be gone. 3
Satu Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Why do you assume that you've done something wrong? If someone treats you badly, that's because of who they are. If someone doesn't appreciate your wonderful qualities, that is also because of who they are. I think you just haven't met someone who deserves you yet. Be true to your own nature. Take care. 2
kendahke Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I have had 3 "serious" relationships in my young life so far, and in all of them I have been taken for granted and dumped. Not because I did something bad like cheating, lying, bad temper, etc. For some reason I was just dumped. I did my best to be a good girlfriend, not because I was pretending to be but because I consider myself to be a nice person in general. Analyzing things, I ask myself what am I doing wrong, am I being too nice? too kind? too considerate? so guys get bored and not interested anymore. Or am I attracting a.s.sholes who do not appreciate me? I have seen how some of my guy friends had broken up with nice, decent girls and had fallen crazy with love with bitchy women. I don't understand why, do guys enjoy being mistreated or is it more fun to date slutty girls? I just don't get, what is that I am doing wrong. Should I be not that nice anymore in a relationship or try and not show much love to a guy, or am I just attracting the wrong type of men, how can I change that. idk. Any opinions? You should always be you. If it doesn't come naturally to you to be mean, then being fake like that will backfire on you. People are attracted to who they're attracted to and they have a right to their preferences. We all do. If a nice guy wants a mean girlfriend instead of a nice woman such as yourself, then that's his prerogative. He's the one who will have to pay for it in the long run. Apparently there is another trait the woman possesses that he puts a high enough value on that he will overlook the meanness. 1
tootrue2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I've had my fair share of relationships gone bad and not because I feel I've done anything wrong, but because those I've been with haven't been on the same page as me as far as wanting the same thing, i.e. serious relationship and therefore weren't willing to invest and be as invested as I was. I have always felt like I put more effort into relationships I'm in than I receive back. There very seldom seems like there's an equal balance. I too have felt like what's wrong with me, am I too nice, too caring, too tolerant, too loving, too this, to that, etc. what I've discovered is that when you really are with someone who you care about and who means something to you, there really shouldn't be the "too much" way of thinking. You should be able to be yourself and if that means you're giving, caring, loving, showing, doing, etc. and that's who you are then you should be appreciated for those things and those things being who make you the person you are. You should be with someone who appreciates you for you and all that you give to that person and the relationship. Too many times I've been in relationships where I feel like I protect the other persons feelings by disregarding my own. For example I won't tell the person how I feel if something they do or says bothers me, because God forbid I upset them or rock the boat by letting them know how they made me feel. I've been known to conform to what they like rather than being true to myself and doing what I like. For example I'm a very giving person and I once dated a man who I would get little surprise gifts for here and there. They weren't anything extravagant or expensive, just little things that I would see while I was out and about and if it reminded me of him I'd pick it up, everything was always meaningful. However he had the nerve to tell me he didn't like me buying him gifts, that he thought gifts should be reserved for only special occasions such as holidays, Birthday, etc. While I respected his feelings, I felt this is part of who I am. I like doing these things for him (and not just him, it's really who I am and I do this for others in my life too, friends, family, etc.), but yet I stopped doing it because of what he said. I never felt like he didn't appreciate what I was doing for him, but I felt like it was disrespectful for him to even say anything after I was doing something nice for him, so the disrespect made me want to not do it. I've come to realize that you have to be true to yourself. You will find someone who will appreciate you for you and all your ways, they'll appreciate the good and the flaws, the weaknesses and your strengths. Until you find this person though you may go through a handful that will make you question yourself and who you are and what you're doing, but don't. Stay true to who you are and yourself, someone will accept you for you like they should. 2
Author Terry8889 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 I think what you've done (familiar with your last thread) and also what I have done too many times is to forgive and let go of small bad behavior while we should be putting our foot down right away. I have done that too many times in the past. Some boyfriend would be borderline-rude with me and I'd let it go, the next time he'd be rude a little more and I'd let it go again then slowly this man loses all respect for me. He feels he can treat me any kind of way I'll stick around anyway. I agree, you opened my eyes. I think I have been too tolerant. As the girl above said I cared more about their feelings than my own. I should have drawn a line and put a limit at the first sign of disrespect. 3
katiegrl Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) I agree, you opened my eyes. I think I have been too tolerant. As the girl above said I cared more about their feelings than my own. I should have drawn a line and put a limit at the first sign of disrespect. Absolutely! Don't be afraid to speak your mind, stand up for yourself re what you expect and how you deserve to be treated..... and DON'T be afraid to rock the boat once in awhile! When warranted. When a woman tolerates bad or disrespectful behavior.... and lets it pass.... a man will often times start to lose respect...and then interest. Always be true to yourself, of course, but if act you like a doormat, then don't be surprised when men get bored, lose interest and suddenly start fading. I don't think those women you referred to earlier were "bytchy" necessarily... just strong women who respect themselves, know their value, and don't tolerate any BS from a guy, that's all. Edited September 30, 2015 by katiegrl 1
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