alexhardy Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. It first happened last week after a big fight. We got back together that night and then it officially ended last night. We are both extremely emotional individuals. When he broke up with me last week, he was a mess. So I let him cry and was there for him. I didn't leave. Because honestly, he looked bad. I didn't feel good leaving him like that. Also, when we broke up last week, he pushed me away but I didn't leave because of the state he was in. When we discussed it, he told me how happy he ended up being that I stayed there for him.Yesterday, during a fight, we broke up while I was in class (so via a text. My reasoning is that he wouldn't have been able to follow through if it were in person). We're in college. I'm 19 and he's 20. A message that I got from him yesterday was "I can't read and or see through the amount of tears coming though my eyes. My shirt is more wet with tears than any workout sweat. I can't talk without crying. My stomach hurts too much, even with pain killers. I wish I didn't have to make this decision. The part of me that is trying to keep me focused had to make the call on this relationship. You've been the best girlfriend I've ever had and will have. I can't believe this is happening. Just know that I love you *MY name*. More than you will ever know. You've been my best friend, and indescribable girlfriend. I'm sorry this had to happen. I would like to leave you with this message I sent your mom because I meant every word of it." Followed by the message he sent my mom. "Hello, Hopefully this won't be the last time we talk. *MY name* and I broke up today. I just want to make sure she has support. She is the nicest, most supportive, sweet, beautiful, thoughtful, smart, awesome and amazing girl I have ever met. She truly comes from great people and strong women. Tragically, things couldn't work out as I have to focus on school and can't give the amount support she needs. Any guy would be indescribably blessed to be with her. Hopefully, until next time - *HIS name*". I feel like I pushed him too hard or asked for too much at times when he couldn't give it to me. Please help me fix this.
stillafool Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 If you were the one who broke up with him tell him you made a mistake and ask to get back together. Is that what you want?
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 What kind of support were you asking for from him that he couldn't give? Do you really need that?
Author alexhardy Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 If you were the one who broke up with him tell him you made a mistake and ask to get back together. Is that what you want? I was not the one that broke up with him
Shock148 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Sounds to me like a person who just needs time alone to work out his own issues. The best thing you can do is just give him space because it seems like he genuinely loves you and still wants to be with you, but thinks he cannot because of his own mental state. Give him time, let him work things out, he will eventually contact you again. Just be there for him as a friend and don't push him into being in a relationship yet. It might take a long time or it might not but eventually he will want to be with you again.
Author alexhardy Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 1) how do you know that he wants to be with me? 2) I gave him some things that were personal to me during the heat of the fight. I realize that I need then back because they're super important to me. My roommate was going to go get them for me but my friend said it would be best if I did it myself. If we have the desire to talk then we can but at least it forces us to see each other and I get my stuff back. And then I can give him space after that. 3) And how much space and time do you think?
Author alexhardy Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 Sounds to me like a person who just needs time alone to work out his own issues. The best thing you can do is just give him space because it seems like he genuinely loves you and still wants to be with you, but thinks he cannot because of his own mental state. Give him time, let him work things out, he will eventually contact you again. Just be there for him as a friend and don't push him into being in a relationship yet. It might take a long time or it might not but eventually he will want to be with you again. 1) how do you know that he wants to be with me? 2) I gave him some things that were personal to me during the heat of the fight. I realize that I need then back because they're super important to me. My roommate was going to go get them for me but my friend said it would be best if I did it myself. If we have the desire to talk then we can but at least it forces us to see each other and I get my stuff back. And then I can give him space after that. 3) And how much space and time do you think?
Shock148 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) 1) how do you know that he wants to be with me? 2) I gave him some things that were personal to me during the heat of the fight. I realize that I need then back because they're super important to me. My roommate was going to go get them for me but my friend said it would be best if I did it myself. If we have the desire to talk then we can but at least it forces us to see each other and I get my stuff back. And then I can give him space after that. 3) And how much space and time do you think? 1-If he didnt he wouldnt reach out to your mother of all people and tell her all those wonderful things about you. If a guy doesnt want to be with you, he will just tell you so and not reach out to your family. 2-Go for it, however if he is uncomfortable with meeting up with you then tell him thats fine my friend will go get them. If you do meet up tell him I will give you your space and time and if you are ready to talk about us being together again text me. Other than that I will be focusing on school and other things, but I also cannot stay putting my life on hold to wait for you. 3-Everyone is different. You just got to give him all the time in the world and try not to contact him. If he contacts you then thats fine give him a simple "Im doing well, hope all is fine with you." Keep it short and sweet. He was the one that asked for space and time so give it to him. Lets just say it has been 6 months and still nothing then it will be time for you to move on because you should not place your life on hold for anyone. Also, once it has been 6 months or whenever you personally feel that it's time for you to move on, there is no reason to tell him so either. Just go out have fun and meet a new guy. If it works out then great. Do this once you are completely over your ex however because there is nothing worse than you doing this then tell your ex that you found someone else and for him to panic and say I want to be with you again. Then you will be in this forum again saying you are so confused and whatnot. Edited September 30, 2015 by Shock148
Mrlovahlovah Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I have to say i view this differently, and wouldn't hang on to false hope if i was you. he seems to be quite poise and detached judging how he contacted your mother and the type of things he said: "guys would be lucky to have her" and the amount of compliments he bestowed upon you which i'm sure you deserve by the way. i for one am not a big fan of the whole it's not you it's me genre of breaking up which is what i feel this sorta is. it's just not the kind of bs i'd like to hear when someone has basically given up on having me in her life and trying to cushion my fall.don't need your help anymore. i have hard time believing this decision is solely based on his studies. i mean i don't think true love or a true relationship for that matter is something that needs to be let go of just because one of the partners has other life aspects he needs to focus on. maybe that's just me, i've defintley come to terms lately that not everybody operates and feels the same. but i have a hunch that nobody wants to give up on the love of his life. not for a career and defintley not for college level studies. and if he doesn't view you as "love of life" material. you're better off moving on. 1
Shock148 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I have to say i view this differently, and wouldn't hang on to false hope if i was you. he seems to be quite poise and detached judging how he contacted your mother and the type of things he said: "guys would be lucky to have her" and the amount of compliments he bestowed upon you which i'm sure you deserve by the way. i for one am not a big fan of the whole it's not you it's me genre of breaking up which is what i feel this sorta is. it's just not the kind of bs i'd like to hear when someone has basically given up on having me in her life and trying to cushion my fall.don't need your help anymore. i have hard time believing this decision is solely based on his studies. i mean i don't think true love or a true relationship for that matter is something that needs to be let go of just because one of the partners has other life aspects he needs to focus on. maybe that's just me, i've defintley come to terms lately that not everybody operates and feels the same. but i have a hunch that nobody wants to give up on the love of his life. not for a career and defintley not for college level studies. and if he doesn't view you as "love of life" material. you're better off moving on. Hmm your view is making me think about what I wrote. I mean that is true, why would he contact the mother to say all those good things but make sure to say anyone else would be happy to be with her. All I know now is for the OP to not wait for him. Get your stuff, have your closure with him and then move on. Don't wait for him, he made the decision to leave so if he doesn't want to be with you fine, other men will and in his own words will be happy to. Best payback to this heartbreak will be when you finally moved on and have a new boyfriend and he texts you or something you can say, "you were right, any man would be indescribably blessed to be with me, but I am also indescribably blessed to be with my current boyfriend and I am happy I found him after you and he is in my life. I hope you take care of yourself."
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