contel3 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) It is now 6 months post break-up. The worst has passed, but there is still some stuff bothering me. For all you guys out there, how long did it take you to reach total indifference? I don't want my ex back (never did) and I don't regret the break up but the way it ended still hurts. I feel sad I had to block him everywhere. It makes me that sad it ended so badly. I hate seeing him with the girl he left me for. I don't exactly hate him but I know I don't like him at all. Every time I see him I feel sick for a few seconds. Even though I know I want nothing to do with him anymore, it hurts to know he feels the same. Is it normal to still feel like this after six months? I am surprised I am not indifferent to him yet. I am a lot happier without him, but I still have scars left from the break up. Thinking about it still hurts. It is so hard to trust people again. I was wondering, maybe I am so slow because I don't have someone new yet? This scares me since I know I am not ready for a new relationship. Edited September 30, 2015 by contel3
David87 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Well dont rush things, it's perfectly normal to feel this way. Six months its not enough to reach total indifference, but you are doing ok. 1
PegNosePete Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 You don't mention how long you were together. As a general rule of thumb I would say that for a medium-length relationship, total indifference takes 50% of the time the relationship lasted. Towards either end of the scale it will probably be less. If you're only together a couple of months then it shouldn't take long at all. And if you're together 30 years then 15 years would definitely be an over-estimate! But this is all just guidelines. Everyone is individual and we're all different. It takes however long it takes. NC helps, a lot! 1
Author contel3 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 You don't mention how long you were together. As a general rule of thumb I would say that for a medium-length relationship, total indifference takes 50% of the time the relationship lasted. Towards either end of the scale it will probably be less. If you're only together a couple of months then it shouldn't take long at all. And if you're together 30 years then 15 years would definitely be an over-estimate! But this is all just guidelines. Everyone is individual and we're all different. It takes however long it takes. NC helps, a lot! we were together for a year so not long at all....I wish I could go complete NC but before I change jobs in six months I'll just have to avoid him. I went on virtual NC though, there's no trace of him left on my phone. And we ignore eachother when we're in the same room.
David87 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 we were together for a year so not long at all....I wish I could go complete NC but before I change jobs in six months I'll just have to avoid him. I went on virtual NC though, there's no trace of him left on my phone. And we ignore eachother when we're in the same room. This means you see him every day?
Author contel3 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 This means you see him every day? Until recently about thrice a week. I have done everything I could to change my schedule and move to another building so I hope it will be reduced to almost never.
Blanco Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 You never know how long it'll take. My shortest relationship (about 9 months) took me the longest to really get past (more than two years), and my longest (about 4 years), took me the shortest (about 7 or 8 months). Currently nearly 7 months out from a three year relationship. Things aren't nearly as bad as they were in the beginning. I'm at the point where I'm having mostly good days with some days mixed in where I feel like I'm backsliding. Example: I felt pretty great most of the last two weeks, but for some reason, I got really down Friday evening and felt lousy until early yesterday. But I'm back to feeling pretty good. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 It is now 6 months post break-up. The worst has passed, but there is still some stuff bothering me. For all you guys out there, how long did it take you to reach total indifference? I don't want my ex back (never did) and I don't regret the break up but the way it ended still hurts. I feel sad I had to block him everywhere. It makes me that sad it ended so badly. I hate seeing him with the girl he left me for. I don't exactly hate him but I know I don't like him at all. Every time I see him I feel sick for a few seconds. Even though I know I want nothing to do with him anymore, it hurts to know he feels the same. Is it normal to still feel like this after six months? I am surprised I am not indifferent to him yet. I am a lot happier without him, but I still have scars left from the break up. Thinking about it still hurts. It is so hard to trust people again. I was wondering, maybe I am so slow because I don't have someone new yet? This scares me since I know I am not ready for a new relationship. Everyone heals at their own pace. If you know you are not ready for a new relationship, don't pursue one. If you find that you are still feeling this way in a year or more, then you may want to consider counseling. Depending on how long you two were together and how healthy the relationship had been or unhealthy overall, it may take that long or more. However, if you are carrying such deep scars as result of this relationship for longer than that, you should explore the possibility that you have some underlying personal "issues" that need to be addressed that really existed prior to that relationship. 1
GreenWellington Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I'm going on 6 months post break up in 2 weeks time. I thought I would feel more indifference than I currently do at this point as well. And just like you, I would not want to get back with her ever again, the relationship was far from healthy most of the time. It doesnt help that my ex contacted me a bit over a month ago to meet up. I refused, but just being in contact with her and knowing she was still thinking about me set me back a bit. I'm doing better, but the pain is still there as a dull static that's slowly decreasing with every passing week. I still think of her every day. I dreamed of her two nights ago. Give it some more time, feelings don't just magically disappear after a few months time...although I sometimes wish they would. Take care
Author contel3 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 I'm going on 6 months post break up in 2 weeks time. I thought I would feel more indifference than I currently do at this point as well. And just like you, I would not want to get back with her ever again, the relationship was far from healthy most of the time. Wellington, this sounds so much like my own relationship! It was not healthy at all, but somehow it's like it's made it harder to move on. When you are in a toxic relationship you lose sight of who you truly are. I wish you all the best on your healing journey!
erklat Posted October 2, 2015 Posted October 2, 2015 You never know how long it'll take. My shortest relationship (about 9 months) took me the longest to really get past (more than two years), and my longest (about 4 years), took me the shortest (about 7 or 8 months). . My experience is similar. My shortest relationship took me the longest to get over. I had panic attacks for a year and another year to reach indifferent.
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