Cherry590 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Hi there, I'm hoping that people can help me with this! I have been best friends with another girl (let's call her Kate) for about 5 years now. She's probably my closest friend and I see her the most out of any one. We'd planned to go travelling from this January for 6 months. So in the summer Kate started talking to this guy who she used to work with. She's a very judgemental person and this guy seemed to be everything that she has judged other girls for going near. a few times I asked her what she saw in him because she's normally so judgemental. So we went out one night and he was texting her, so I was having a joke around like oooooooh Kate's texting a boy! Her reaction to this literally astounded me, she grabbed my drink threw it over me and shouted racist in my face. The guy is of Indian decent, but never had I mentioned or had a problem with his race. We fell out quite badly after this, I was so upset and have found it very difficult to get over this. I've never been called something so bad and even though I know I am not racist it effected me terribly that a best friend could say this to me. We've tried to patch things up since then, the guy ended up treating her badly so I assumed she had stopped talking to him. So we're friends again now but I find it awkward to talk to her about guys/sex and anything race related. I cringe my way through conversations and when I'm with other friends I feel so much better and confident. I saw Kate this weekend and I happened to ask about the guy in conversation. Turns out he's still been around all along and her plan is to keep him around for sex until we go travelling in January. I sit just me or is this weird for a girl to admit to? Ever since she's said this I've felt almost betrayed and hurt that he's still around when it caused so much hurt in our friendship and to me. She doesn't sound like she cares for him either she's just using him. I've spent my summer angry, awkward and cringing through conversations, I don't feel like I want to spend the rest of my year doing the same. I'm not going to get over what's been said, I can still see her shouting at me as if it was yesterday. Am I wrong to think this way? Please help me, in my mind I feel like my friendship is over but I don't know if I'm over reacting.
EricaH329 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I find it awkward to talk to her about guys/sex and anything race related. Have you told her this? A lot of problems can be solved by communication. I'm not sure if you've confronted the issue, but if you haven't, i'd suggest doing so. Turns out he's still been around all along and her plan is to keep him around for sex until we go travelling in January. I sit just me or is this weird for a girl to admit to? Personally, I don't find it weird at all. She's being honest. Ever since she's said this I've felt almost betrayed and hurt that he's still around when it caused so much hurt in our friendship and to me. He is not what caused so much hurt in your friendship. Her reaction to a simple comment is what has hurt your friendship. Again, and I can't stress this enough, communicating with her the fact that her reaction has caused stress to you is important. I'm not going to get over what's been said Why? People do and say things that they don't mean, or that you may take out of context, all the time. While her reaction was not OK, it doesn't mean you can't talk about it, and move forward from it. That's what forgiveness is. There wouldn't be a word for it if it was never done. I highly suggest talking to her about this. Invite her over and tell her you'd like to talk about something that has been bothering you. Explain that when you made the comment about her talking to a boy, it was meant in a light-hearted joking manner. It was never meant to offend her in any way, and you are sorry if it has. Listen to what she has to say in return. Maybe she misunderstood you. It's clear there was some miscommunication, but that's no reason to stop being best friends with someone.
stillafool Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 She probably called you a racist out of anger. She has since apologized but you can't get over it. I don't see any problem with her wanting to still see this guy for sex if that's what they both want. Since it is clear that you will never forgive her calling you a racist I would say it is best to end your friendship and move on.
applej4 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) After throwing her drink on me I would be DONE. Then she insults you. She sounds like a nut. You need to ASK if you should remain "friends"? Um, no. Edited September 30, 2015 by applej4 1
onemanband Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 You where there before him you will be there after just give her space when she wants to talk about him she will its a women they are emotional its could of been a bad day
SpiralOut Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I would not bother, personally. Insulting me is one thing, but dumping a drink on me for no good reason is another. She would need to apologize her ass off for that.
applej4 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 You where there before him you will be there after just give her space when she wants to talk about him she will its a women they are emotional its could of been a bad day Hmmm…I’ve had a lot of bad days and not once have I ever thrown a drink on someone. Actually, what she did is an assault and she could have been arrested.
anika99 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Throwing a drink on you is completely abnormal behaviour and a totally over the top reaction to what you said. Personally I would consider someone who would react that way emotionally unstable and I would probably distance myself from them. I wonder if she is secretly racist herself and that's why she was so quick to jump to the conclusion that your completely innocent teasing was somehow racist. I sometimes get a little anxiety when I'm away far from home so it's important for me to feel safe, secure and relaxed with my travel companions. For that reason I would not travel with this person.
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