j.hopkins Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) I'm very confused about something that has happened with a guy and could really use some help figuring it out. I've known this guy for three years, we are both grad students. I've liked him for a long time, but we've been very on and off for the time we've known each other and never really became friends. He always stares at me and used to act very nervous around me, and we would go out to dinner together and hang out sometimes, but nothing ever transpired. Over a year ago I told him how I felt and learned he had just gotten a girlfriend, but he didn't exactly reject me, just said he couldn't been receptive to my feelings. I stopped talking to him or hanging out with him for the next year since he had a girlfriend. In the last few months he has started talking to me again. We went out for lunch a couple of times and he has been constantly offering to help me with work and do other favors for me. A few weeks ago we drove to a conference out of town together. At the conference I learned he's no longer with his girlfriend. Afterwards we both planned to go to another city to see our respective friends, and he asked if I wanted to carpool. We each spent a few days with friends and then he offered to drive us both back home so I didn't have to take the bus. We were on this "trip" together for almost two weeks, and the entire time he was very sweet to me. We spent a lot of time just the two of us, taking walks in the park, hiking together, cooking/eating meals together, and getting to know each other at a very deep level. He made a few odd comments like "I really like this town, we should move here," or telling me about his desires for marriage and being a father, stuff which I thought was weird since we're not dating. Also, a couple of our mutual friends just got into a relationship and he asked me about them several times and asked how they managed to get together after they had known each other for so long. on the way home I met some of his friends and we spent a day/night with his brother. Afterwards he was like "thanks for sticking around, I had a lot of fun." On the drive home we continued our intense "getting to know you" conversations. When he dropped me off at home he just said "I'll see you" and smiled, then drove away. It's been over a week and he's disappeared. I've texted him a couple of times but haven't heard anything else from him. I don't understand why he's disappeared. I had a really amazing time with him and really thought it was finally about to go somewhere, but now he's not contacting me or communicating with me at all. I don't want to tell him I still have feelings for him and risk humiliating myself a second time. Now the only time I see him is if I run into him by chance at school. I saw him today and he stared at me but didn't talk to me. Why did he disappear? Did I do something to drive him away? I don't know if I should contact him or if I should just give up. I'm really sad over this. Please help me understand why he doesn't want to deal with me anymore. Edited September 30, 2015 by j.hopkins
Ami1uwant Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 He asked you a question about how your friends got together after knowing each other for so long.....what exactly did you say?????
Author j.hopkins Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 I said that another one of our mutual friends helped push them together. This friend told each of them how the other one felt. I also said that the girl ended up asking the guy out. he didn't say anything and we just sat there for awhile until one of us said something and continued talking about something else.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Perhaps he's not actually ready to date again. How long ago did he and his girlfriend break up?
Author j.hopkins Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 I think they broke up about six months ago.
Zippy2000 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 His ex girlfriend came sniffing around and you were the BACK UP girl. Youre no longer needed as he`s trying to get back his old girlfiend. Although there is no evidence to suggest this. You need to ask yourself why was he longer with his girlfriend?
kendahke Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 His ex girlfriend came sniffing around and you were the BACK UP girl. Youre no longer needed as he`s trying to get back his old girlfiend. Although there is no evidence to suggest this. You need to ask yourself why was he longer with his girlfriend? I think there is merit to this observation. He made a few odd comments like "I really like this town, we should move here," or telling me about his desires for marriage and being a father, stuff which I thought was weird since we're not dating. What he was doing is called "thinking out loud enough for you to hear him". It didn't mean he necessarily wanted those things with you. The "we" in "we should move here" doesn't necessarily mean you are part of that equation, either. Next time you see him staring at you, you need to go up to him and ask him what's up with his disappearing act... and quite frankly, it should be your last conversation with him. If he can spend two weeks with you, but then act like you're a stranger after you two return, then he really doesn't have any feelings for you that are strong enough for him to pursue you. In fact, he sounds like he's still not over his ex. 1
bettermistakes Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 He knew you liked him, so (intentionally or not) he used you for attention/companionship because he knew he could get it from you. He shouldn't have done that. If he wanted things to go somewhere he wouldn't have disappeared. I'm sorry. Better to find out now, though, and good that he's not stringing you along.
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