Happy????

[kpl]

My problem is when the advice is given for rather trivial events or behavior. Of course if you girlfriend is cheating on you then you should probably move on. the problem is that the lines between trivial and serious offenses gets blurred when someone is on a roll and telling a lot of people to dump their partners.

 

I am not all that familiar with the advice given, so my response might not matter but if you have been dating a lot of different ppl over time you notice what those small things are and what they can lead to. Whether someone stands you up for a date, cheats on you, or doesn't do what they said they would do the end result is the same this person disrespected you. If someone think it is ok to even slightly disrespect you, cross a boundary, or show little effort in the beginning leave have respect for yourself and get out of the situation. It's like that maya angelou quote - when someone tells you who they are the first time, believe them - no second chances especially in the beginning.

[mrldii]

I am not all that familiar with the advice given, so my response might not matter but if you have been dating a lot of different ppl over time you notice what those small things are and what they can lead to. Whether someone stands you up for a date, cheats on you, or doesn't do what they said they would do the end result is the same this person disrespected you. If someone think it is ok to even slightly disrespect you, cross a boundary, or show little effort in the beginning leave have respect for yourself and get out of the situation. It's like that maya angelou quote - when someone tells you who they are the first time, believe them - no second chances especially in the beginning.

 

Yup, yup.

 

One of the benefits to 'getting old[er]' is we get to learn from our previous mistakes. Another benefit is I no longer have to treat each individual as if I've never seen such a thing before and wonder what, in fact, it might really be.

 

Because I'm old (and have learned my previous lessons), when it waddles into the room, quacks, and drops little avian feces on my carpet, I get to cry out, with all assuredness,

 

"Oh, look! It's a duck!!!" and not second-guess myself as to what it might *really* be.

 

[autumnnight]

My problem is when the advice is given for rather trivial events or behavior. Of course if you girlfriend is cheating on you then you should probably move on. the problem is that the lines between trivial and serious offenses gets blurred when someone is on a roll and telling a lot of people to dump their partners.

 

And of course, each of us have our own definitions of what is serious and what is "trivial," and there is nothing wrong with that. For some of the women on LS, a husband who never wants sex would be no big deal. For me it's a dealbreaker. For some people, having a spotless past is a necessity (for their partner if not for them), but to me, it is a person's learning, growth, and present life that bears more weight for most things.

[Jules Dash]

And of course, each of us have our own definitions of what is serious and what is "trivial," and there is nothing wrong with that. For some of the women on LS, a husband who never wants sex would be no big deal. For me it's a dealbreaker. For some people, having a spotless past is a necessity (for their partner if not for them), but to me, it is a person's learning, growth, and present life that bears more weight for most things.

 

I don't want to get into circular reasoning here. The take home point here is that we should learn to be more problem solvers and bridge builders rather than being so dismissive with advice. It's just something to keep in mind when someone responds to someone else's problems, especially when that someone is still carrying wounds from their past love life.

[Guyouthere]

Moon will be out tonight, I'm going snook fishing out in the river, should be peaceful

[lil hoodlum]

I don't want to get into circular reasoning here. The take home point here is that we should learn to be more problem solvers and bridge builders rather than being so dismissive with advice. It's just something to keep in mind when someone responds to someone else's problems, especially when that someone is still carrying wounds from their past love life.

 

 

Part of the issue is that when someone breaks up with you, they are breaking a connection with you. They no longer want to be with you.

 

How or why would you want to problem solve or build bridges with someone when you have been kicked to the curb?

 

 

 

When someone says that they no longer want to you in their life, what other "healthy" choice do you have than to walk away and grant them their wish.

 

 

You can problem solve and build bridges all day long if you want but that doesn't mean the other person wants to participate.

[autumnnight]

I don't want to get into circular reasoning here. The take home point here is that we should learn to be more problem solvers and bridge builders rather than being so dismissive with advice. It's just something to keep in mind when someone responds to someone else's problems, especially when that someone is still carrying wounds from their past love life.

 

I'm not carrying wounds. I just do not think it's my job to tell other's what to post and how to post. I'm not a moderator. And even THEY don't tell people what to post; they just enforce the rules.

[autumnnight]

Part of the issue is that when someone breaks up with you, they are breaking a connection with you. They no longer want to be with you.

 

How or why would you want to problem solve or build bridges with someone when you have been kicked to the curb?

 

 

 

When someone says that they no longer want to you in their life, what other "healthy" choice do you have than to walk away and grant them their wish.

 

 

You can problem solve and build bridges all day long if you want but that doesn't mean the other person wants to participate.

 

Often the bottom line in this phenomenon is control. They want control, so they hang on.

[Jules Dash]

Me: In general, lets try not to be so negative all the time and try to give more positive advice:

 

Fellow LS member#1: How can we be positive when she slept with his best friend.

 

Me: who slept with what best friend??? It's just a general comment. Don't let your past experience turn you into a negative person where you are always predicting doom for a person asking for advice.

 

Fellow LS member #2: why are you calling me negative? In general means me, personally, right? We should just be able to post all the negativity we want. We have to strike at pain before it strikes at us.

 

Nevermind. Dump em all...

[neowulf]

Yes, you can still be thrown away.

 

Even if you want to sugar coat it, people do get thrown away. Just be realistic, not self soothing.

 

If you step back you realise that being completely objective about our experiences is impossible.

 

You can choose how you view a situation. You can decide to view things differently, from a different point of view.

 

Or to put it another way, if you have two ways of viewing an event, which would you rather choose;

 

The one that makes you feel miserable and pointless.

 

or

 

The one that allows you some space to get through the pain and move forward.

 

The only "real" thing in the situation is that the relationship has ended. Everything after that is down to how to interpret it.

[lil hoodlum]

Me: In general, lets try not to be so negative all the time and try to give more positive advice:

 

Fellow LS member#1: How can we be positive when she slept with his best friend.

 

Me: who slept with what best friend??? It's just a general comment. Don't let your past experience turn you into a negative person where you are always predicting doom for a person asking for advice.

 

Fellow LS member #2: why are you calling me negative? In general means me, personally, right? We should just be able to post all the negativity we want. We have to strike at pain before it strikes at us.

 

Nevermind. Dump em all...

 

 

What's negative about telling someone to let someone go who no longer wants to be with you anymore?

 

Do you think it is better to tell people who are hurting to "keep fighting for a failed relationship" or "yes, cling to the hope that the other person soon realizes their mistake and wants to work on things"?

 

 

The time to problem solve is during a relationship before the relationship ends. When someone breaks up with you they are no longer interested in problem solving or bridge building.

[neowulf]

 

The time to problem solve is during a relationship before the relationship ends. When someone breaks up with you they are no longer interested in problem solving or bridge building.

 

Spot. On.

 

This site is usually where people end up *after* the fact. When things have gotten so bad, they turn to a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice.

 

Think about that for a moment.

 

Of all the people you could get advice from. From family, friends, or even professional counsellors... they come here?

 

By the time a lot of people get here, what they're looking for is confirmation. Most of the time the posters *know* deep down what their answer is. They're just looking for others to affirm what they already know inside.

 

Telling people to let go of relationships that aren't working isn't negative.

 

Trying to convince people to stay in relationships that are broken and dysfunctional is by far more destructive.

 

There are many sites to go to get information on how to better deal with problems in relationships *before* they lead to a final break. This site just doesn't happen to be one of them.