jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 So I have been talking to a couple of guys, one I met at a friend's house, and 3 others online (haven't met any of these 3). I found them all very attractive, haven't gone on any dates with them yet, however they have all scheduled dates with me. They would text me EVERYDAY, just small talks. And I despise small talks. I find it annoying. I do want to go on dates with them then decide if we get along, but I would rather them not text me before any of these dates even happen. I find it rather exhausting having to text all of them back. I always do though, although it could take hours, due to the fact that I'm busy, or just simply because I don't bother texting them back at that moment; but I don't want to be rude and ignore them so I always text them back, regardless of how long it takes me. So I guess my question is, how do I let them know about this, without having to ignore them? And please keep in mind I do want to meet and go on dates with all of them. So I don't want them to think I'm being flaky or not interested in meeting up.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 Just tell them you don't like small talks? For all the guys from online, I would assume they have read my profile with "I despise small talks" being the first thing I mention. Guess I will have to remind them again.
joseb Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 For all the guys from online, I would assume they have read my profile with "I despise small talks" being the first thing I mention. Guess I will have to remind them again. Yeah don't assume that they have committed to memory every detail of every profile of each girl they contact! They are probably only doing it because of all the advice on placers like this that suggest if a guy isn't in contact regularly he isn't that into you. 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 Or they could be trying too hard. And that kind of turns me off. See I wouldn't mind texting if the conversations are actually fun. But none of these are! And it makes texting them feel like a chore. I would text a guy back so quickly if the convo flew effortlessly.
todreaminblue Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 damned if they do damned if they dont scenario......be honest and upfront that you dont really like texting you prefer to text only when its important or relevant dont put it on them that the chit chat is boring or you find it boring........because really its about the fact that you dont enjoy texting that much isnt it.....deb 2
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 I enjoy texting, just not with these guys I'm talking to right now. Occasionally I find myself texting a guy from the AM til I go to bed, so can't say that I don't enjoy texting. I'm really just looking for advice on how not to appear rude to them, while still can let them know they don't have to text me every single day.
RoseVille Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Be direct and tell them you're not looking for a texting pen pal, but someone to actually get to know in person, away from texting. If they don't get the hint, stop responding. 3
joseb Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Or they could be trying too hard. And that kind of turns me off. See I wouldn't mind texting if the conversations are actually fun. But none of these are! And it makes texting them feel like a chore. I would text a guy back so quickly if the convo flew effortlessly. Yeah I don't generally enjoy texting. Having said that I've been seeing a girl casually and end up texting her quite a bit because it is light-hearted fun (not "how is your day" kind of BS) If I were you I'd just keep take time replying and maybe steer the convo to more fun things.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 It's nice that a woman has this mindset. One pet peeve of mine with OLD is that some women want to text non stop before you even meet. To cut down on this, I started exchanging fewer emails, got them on the phone day one, and set plans for a few days out. Since there was less time in between, there wasn't time to fill up with tons of texting. Most of the time after plans were made, I didn't talk to them again until the date. Mainly because I didn't want to get overly invested in someone I didn't know. Like the OP, I wanted to make decisions based on who they are in person. Also, I was confident in how I'd handle myself and I didn't need to text non stop to work up nerve. Maybe this is why they do it OP? But the best response is - "Hiya! I can't talk but looking forward to Fri. :)" 2
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 OK let's me give you an example. These 4 guys I've been talking to, they text me something like this "How's your day going?". First couple times I replied, I texted them back with a normal boring "My day was very busy up til this point. How's yours going?", so of course, they'd reply with something also boring like "Mine was busy too" or "It's going good", blah blah. And then the convo keeps going in cycle with more boring questions being asked and answered. So me being a sarcastic person, and I wanted to see if any of these guys share the same sense of humor as I do, one day when they asked me the same "how's your day going" question, I answered with "Oh you know, not so well....My hamster just died, my brother just got engaged to my second cousin, and I recently just started wetting my bed again. How about you?". They all replied with "Oh, ha, that sucks" or something similar. Then they would ask me "What are you up to", you get the idea. Even when I tried, those convos never get any better! However, I remember using that text on a previous guy from my past, and he was the only one stood out with "Damn, and I thought I had problems...Ive been wetting the bed since I was a kid...all the cool kids do it". And so we started texting every single day, from the morning til bedtime. Conversations never got boring. WHy is it so hard to find someone that shares your sense of humor?! And I gotta admit, it's one of the first things that attract me to someone, other than their looks.
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 But the best response is - "Hiya! I can't talk but looking forward to Fri. :)" Brilliant!!!!!!!!! 2
neowulf Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 So I guess my question is, how do I let them know about this, without having to ignore them? And please keep in mind I do want to meet and go on dates with all of them. So I don't want them to think I'm being flaky or not interested in meeting up. Better question. If they're the kind of person who enjoys "small talk", what makes you think they're going to be worth trying to strike up a relationship with? In any case, you basically just set the expectations early on. Set a time / place for the date. When they try to constantly message you, you just say "Hey, would love to chat, but I'm pretty busy right now. We'll save the talking for the date", then leave it at that. The purpose of the small talk is to try and break the ice with you. Not every conversation can be "Deep and meaningful". I'm not a fan of small talk myself, but I've worked on improving my skill at it. It's about degrees of escalating intimacy and vulnerability. 1
Popsicle Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 If you've got 5 guys in the hopper at once, you should definitely limit the texting until you meet them in person and narrow your choices down, or you'll get overwhelmed (I would). 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 Better question. If they're the kind of person who enjoys "small talk", what makes you think they're going to be worth trying to strike up a relationship with? In any case, you basically just set the expectations early on. Set a time / place for the date. When they try to constantly message you, you just say "Hey, would love to chat, but I'm pretty busy right now. We'll save the talking for the date", then leave it at that. The purpose of the small talk is to try and break the ice with you. Not every conversation can be "Deep and meaningful". I'm not a fan of small talk myself, but I've worked on improving my skill at it. It's about degrees of escalating intimacy and vulnerability. Good advice. Thank you. However, I really don't expect to engage in anything "deep and meaningful" at this point at all. What I'm saying is these guys most likely don't have the same sense of humor that I have, and that's kinda disappointing. But I will give them the benefit of the doubt because there's so much you can feel about someone through just texting. So I guess I will have my answer after I meet up with them.
neowulf Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Good advice. Thank you. However, I really don't expect to engage in anything "deep and meaningful" at this point at all. What I'm saying is these guys most likely don't have the same sense of humor that I have, and that's kinda disappointing. But I will give them the benefit of the doubt because there's so much you can feel about someone through just texting. So I guess I will have my answer after I meet up with them. I think I have a better idea of what you're saying now. Yes, I agree, finding connection with others (shared humor) can be difficult at times. It's as you say, you really can't tell with people until you meet them in person. Some people are simply at a disadvantage when it comes to different modes of communication. Good luck!.
Redhead14 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 So I have been talking to a couple of guys, one I met at a friend's house, and 3 others online (haven't met any of these 3). I found them all very attractive, haven't gone on any dates with them yet, however they have all scheduled dates with me. They would text me EVERYDAY, just small talks. And I despise small talks. I find it annoying. I do want to go on dates with them then decide if we get along, but I would rather them not text me before any of these dates even happen. I find it rather exhausting having to text all of them back. I always do though, although it could take hours, due to the fact that I'm busy, or just simply because I don't bother texting them back at that moment; but I don't want to be rude and ignore them so I always text them back, regardless of how long it takes me. So I guess my question is, how do I let them know about this, without having to ignore them? And please keep in mind I do want to meet and go on dates with all of them. So I don't want them to think I'm being flaky or not interested in meeting up. Just tell them that you'd prefer to leave something to talk about when you meet and so let's keep the texts to a minimum until then.
martaldn Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 set a date as soon as possible with each of them.
Nemetona Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 So I have been talking to a couple of guys, one I met at a friend's house, and 3 others online (haven't met any of these 3). I found them all very attractive, haven't gone on any dates with them yet, however they have all scheduled dates with me. They would text me EVERYDAY, just small talks. And I despise small talks. I find it annoying. I do want to go on dates with them then decide if we get along, but I would rather them not text me before any of these dates even happen. I find it rather exhausting having to text all of them back. I always do though, although it could take hours, due to the fact that I'm busy, or just simply because I don't bother texting them back at that moment; but I don't want to be rude and ignore them so I always text them back, regardless of how long it takes me. So I guess my question is, how do I let them know about this, without having to ignore them? And please keep in mind I do want to meet and go on dates with all of them. So I don't want them to think I'm being flaky or not interested in meeting up. Just block them
Author jam.over.jelly Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 set a date as soon as possible with each of them. They already have fixed dates with me. I just don't like talking to them before meeting them.
Zippy2000 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Multiple dating. You dont need to reply so fast and stop arranging anymore dates until you get through all these men you agreed to meet. You dont need help from a fourm. You just need a diary.
d0nnivain Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Hinting is not going to work. Just be clear. I'm not a big texter. I'm looking forward to meeting you & talking to you in person but I would prefer less / not texts. Thanks for understanding. Expecting some guy you don't know to figure out your communication preferences is like asking him to mind read. Not fair at all. Be clear or be silent, & accept how he chooses to communicate. 2
Lansing Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I think a "hey, day's been going good but things are busy this week. Looking forward to Friday, let's catch up then" or whatever should work as others have said. If a guy doesn't get the hint you wonder how dull/boring he will be in real life.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Better question. If they're the kind of person who enjoys "small talk", what makes you think they're going to be worth trying to strike up a relationship with? Actually, I think it's more important to look at why they're reaching out. Not the topic of conversation. They could feel a sense of obligation to show they're excited to meet because women are prone to like communication. Or maybe they're a bit insecure and lack confidence. So they're trying to get more comfortable and work up nerve by talking to her more. Or they could also have clingy desperate tendencies and be over anxious to meet.
deadelvis Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Wait longer before replying and then answer with definitive conversation enders like "Great! Thanks! (emoticon)" You're leaving the conversation running if you reply with a question like "Great! And you?" If you wait 12 hours to reply and keep ending conversations they will get the hint. If not, do you want to date someone that stupid anyway?
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