PC96 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 My ex and I broke up a month ago. It was a mutual decision at first and I did the whole asking for her back thing. She told me she didn't want to give me any hope and to move on. Fast forward to now, I have kept NC for about 3 weeks with a slight hiccup a week ago when I emailed her. I deleted her number and all forms of social media and told her to block me on facebook. The last time her and I talked was over text when I told her that I was letting go of the girl I loved because that's what would make her happy. That was a bit melodramatic, but I was really caught up in the scene and in my emotions. We only dated for a little over 2 months and were not friends prior. But we lived together for those 2 months and got as close as 2 people could in that period of time. We were both in a foreign country and had crazy fun experiences together. She was also the first girl I've had sex with. I don't know that makes a difference in the recovery process. At first, the feeling of emptiness was terribly strong. But for the past week I have had many more good days than I have had bad. I have been surrounding myself with friends, picking up new hobbies and I haven't even mentioned her to anyone. I know deep inside that I don't want to be with her because we are not compatible and would be doing long distance. Most of the time I think about her now, I use it as motivation or I can just brush it off but recently I have been relapsing a lot and getting aggravated and or frustrated. I don't think I miss her as much as I miss the memories and the things that were said. Has anyone come to any realizations or revelations when they hit this stage in recovery when you begin to miss him or her? Are there quicker ways to completely eliminate that slight bit of hope for reconciliation in the future? I know it's different for everyone but any advice or just plain words of encouragement will stretch a long way. Thanks! Peace and Love
louxor Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 My ex and I broke up a month ago. It was a mutual decision at first and I did the whole asking for her back thing. She told me she didn't want to give me any hope and to move on. Fast forward to now, I have kept NC for about 3 weeks with a slight hiccup a week ago when I emailed her. I deleted her number and all forms of social media and told her to block me on facebook. The last time her and I talked was over text when I told her that I was letting go of the girl I loved because that's what would make her happy. That was a bit melodramatic, but I was really caught up in the scene and in my emotions. We only dated for a little over 2 months and were not friends prior. But we lived together for those 2 months and got as close as 2 people could in that period of time. We were both in a foreign country and had crazy fun experiences together. She was also the first girl I've had sex with. I don't know that makes a difference in the recovery process. At first, the feeling of emptiness was terribly strong. But for the past week I have had many more good days than I have had bad. I have been surrounding myself with friends, picking up new hobbies and I haven't even mentioned her to anyone. I know deep inside that I don't want to be with her because we are not compatible and would be doing long distance. Most of the time I think about her now, I use it as motivation or I can just brush it off but recently I have been relapsing a lot and getting aggravated and or frustrated. I don't think I miss her as much as I miss the memories and the things that were said. Has anyone come to any realizations or revelations when they hit this stage in recovery when you begin to miss him or her? Are there quicker ways to completely eliminate that slight bit of hope for reconciliation in the future? I know it's different for everyone but any advice or just plain words of encouragement will stretch a long way. Thanks! Peace and Love I think you may have overwhelmed her - I.e you fell way faster than she did and she wasn't comfortable with that. Take a look at the stuff I've put in bold, you yourself know it wasn't going to work, so why dwell on what could have been when you've already accepted it couldn't have been? I think you may be attached to her because she was the one you lost your virginity to, which can be a big thing to give up to another person. I would suggest trying to mess around with other girls and you'll realise there is plenty out there who are just as fun, if not better. You have nothing to compare her to sexually because she was your first - that may be another reason it is harder for you because without a comparison, what you had with her may seem to have been perfect when the chances are it wasn't. On top of this, you were only together for two months and were both in a foreign country which leads me to believe she wasn't looking for a committed relationship. I wouldn't let this get to you - most people find they tend to hold on to the same feelings with the person they lost their virginity to (unless it was like a drunken one night stand or something). You'll look back on it and laugh at yourself for being so caught up by it. About 3 months ago you didn't know her, if you stay strong and resist contact, 3 months from now she will be as alien to you as she was before you met her
Author PC96 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 Thank you for that. The excerpt about the virginity thing is very insightful. I'm not sure if I'm going to go mess around with other people because I'm not a fan of that as I have declined sex before, but knowing that that could be a prevalent issue really helps. I have heard that problem before and it is probably the pressing issue for me. I think recognizing that is the first step to accepting it. I love the last sentence. I can't wait until the day she doesn't play any role in my life so that I can continue things the way they were 3 months ago. 1
louxor Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Thank you for that. The excerpt about the virginity thing is very insightful. I'm not sure if I'm going to go mess around with other people because I'm not a fan of that as I have declined sex before, but knowing that that could be a prevalent issue really helps. I have heard that problem before and it is probably the pressing issue for me. I think recognizing that is the first step to accepting it. I love the last sentence. I can't wait until the day she doesn't play any role in my life so that I can continue things the way they were 3 months ago. From what you have said about turning down casual sex, I believe you are a person who values sex quite significantly, which is no problem at all, it just leads me to further believe that the whole losing your virginity to this woman is a very large reason towards your struggle of letting go. For someone who values sex as highly as I think you do, sharing this moment with someone is a very big thing to do, so I can understand why it would hurt to have it end so soon after. You seem to be in a good frame of mind to move forward however, so I wish you luck with that.
Author PC96 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 Seriously, thank you. You have really helped me put things into perspective
louxor Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Seriously, thank you. You have really helped me put things into perspective Glad to have been able to help
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