little princess Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Did you ever feel any kind of regret or bad conscience after breaking up with your partner (considering the relationship was a good one)? Did you ever think of your ex.. like what he or she was going through, how much pain they were in or that you had hurt them?
buck3200 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I hurt someone about 4 years ago. I wish I had done it different, but I had to do it. On the other hand, I could have been much worse. I'm sure I could have strung her along long enough to take care of the unfinished buisness that came up. From what I know, it may have been better for both of us if I had. But you can only do what seems right at the time.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 When I broke up with someone I knew for a while that I was no longer interested, it's not like I made the decision in one or two days. By the time I said good bye I had been mentally checked out for a while. I did feel a very very small amount of sympathy for my exes but this only lasted for a few minutes and then I carry on with my life. If an ex every contacted me after I broke up with them I knew 100% that they were interested in me, regardless of what BS excuse/reason they had to text or message me for. I was never trying to hurt anyone but was simply looking for the right girlfriend and she was just not the one. 1
louxor Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Did you ever feel any kind of regret or bad conscience after breaking up with your partner (considering the relationship was a good one)? Did you ever think of your ex.. like what he or she was going through, how much pain they were in or that you had hurt them? Of course all good relationships that end are going to have feelings hurt on both sides. But when you stop and think about it, if the relationship was really a good one, then it wouldn't have ended. Leaving someone you have cared about and have had feelings for is obviously going to be hard, regardless of which side you are on (dumper/dumpee), and they are going to stay in your mind for a good amount of time. As for the bad conscience or regret, this depends on the situation. But I'd feel safe in saying that for the most part, when 'good' relationships end, it's because they have exhausted all options for revival, so there isn't really much to regret knowing you have tried everything to stay together. Some things are just not meant to be.
mightycpa Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Did you ever feel any kind of regret or bad conscience after breaking up with your partner (considering the relationship was a good one)? Did you ever think of your ex.. like what he or she was going through, how much pain they were in or that you had hurt them?Stop it. Just stop. That is the last kind of thing you should be thinking about. You are thinking with yesterday's mentality. He is thinking with today's mentality, which basically means that he doesn't think of you or what you're going through any more than he does for other people he knows but doesn't see. You're woefully behind the curve. Start thinking about you, and stop wondering if he is. Mostly, he's not. 1
purpledooze Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 If an ex every contacted me after I broke up with them I knew 100% that they were interested in me, regardless of what BS excuse/reason they had to text or message me for. What if the dumper is the one to occasionally send out messages?
LoveIsMyReligion Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 What if the dumper is the one to occasionally send out messages? I'm a guy.. Keep this in mind. But the only time I reached out it was because I was bored or wanted a booty call. 1
metaversus Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Start thinking about you, and stop wondering if he is. Mostly, he's not. This is unfortunately true. You may enter his mind, but when he thinks of you he will likely feel relief the relationship has ended, even if he misses you.
Liono84 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I did feel a very very small amount of sympathy for my exes but this only lasted for a few minutes and then I carry on with my life.. Lmaooo... This was hilarious and sad at the same time.... "Lasted minutes" Meanwhile, some dumpees mourn or are depressed for months. I think this should be a slap in the face to all dumpees, to WAKE UP AND MOVE ON!!!! 2
czanclus Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I think this is a great topic to have on this subforum. It is indeed a slap in the face, but a good, awakening kind to the dumped and disillusioned. I broke off a relationship, and though I wonder how he is and wish him well, I do not miss him nor think about what could have been. I think my decision was right, and the more that time passes, the more convinced I am that we had no shot at a relationship. 1
Samuel_22 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 This is not going to help you! Now first of all you have to know this topic is not going to help you one bit. It is just going to make things more complicated on your side. People posting here are not your ex, they are people, and people are different, you can't find even two individuals identical to one another, even if they are identical twins. So what we say here, about how we felt has got no weight in your situation. I left an ex once and I felt like crap for months, I left the other one and did not feel a thing for months and then I regretted leaving her, but I had already crossed the Rubicon, there was another girl that I broke up with and I did not feel anything, nor did I regret leaving her... as you can see I am just an individual, in 3 cases, I had 3 completely different feelings! So how does your ex feel right now? There are 2 individuals who know this,He himself and His God. Either way, you can't know this, nor should you know this. The relationship is over, what he thinks, what he is up to, how he feels, should be the least of your concerns, I know how you feel, I understand you are out of a relationship that you loved/liked, but you have to understand that, the relationship is over, your role from now on, in that relationship is passive, there is nothing you can do to bring that person back, but your role in your own life, and people with whom you will date in the future is/will be active, so do you want to sit down and think about your passive role? The relationship ended for a reason, but that's not your fault... It is unfortunate that people dumped always think there is something wrong with them and I know you do right now. The truth is some people are not compatible! And you may be the opposite of what the one you love is looking to have in his life, where they may want someone quiet and methodical and reserved, you may be loud and spontaneous and outgoing! Is it bad at all? No! of course not...but that means you are better off in another relationship, rather the one you are clinging onto for the time being. I am not saying you should move one already, that is too soon for you, but you will find someone better eventually, you might not find someone soon yes! in fact you might go years without meeting someone you want to have a serious relationship with! yes! but that will finally happen. Knock knock dear ego... I was thinking of my most recent break up last night, and I thought well I wanted to break up with her as well. I sat myself down and had a direct, frank conversation with myself, well I have to come clean, I did not love her either. I always thought if she was good enough for me? does it sound like LOVE? I kept thinking that I deserved better, that I was tired of her behavior, she was not fun, she was not a good communicator, she lacked sense of humor, she was naive. So I did not love her! so what happened? when she said she wanted to break up, why did she suddenly become so important for me? knock knock dear ego. What she did was just a hit to my ego, nothing more and I confused the feeling I had with Love! No no I never loved her, I am pretty sure about this now, sit yourself down, and be honest with yourself, you might come to the same conclusion.
David87 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Did you ever feel any kind of regret or bad conscience after breaking up with your partner (considering the relationship was a good one)? No regret, just glad it was over. Did you ever think of your ex.. like what he or she was going through, how much pain they were in or that you had hurt them? Never did that either. Sorry for my honesty, hope it helps you to MOVE ON. 2
Samuel_22 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Did you ever feel any kind of regret or bad conscience after breaking up with your partner (considering the relationship was a good one)? No regret, just glad it was over. Did you ever think of your ex.. like what he or she was going through, how much pain they were in or that you had hurt them? Never did that either. Sorry for my honesty, hope it helps you to MOVE ON. Too harsh I presume, but as I said, different people, different emotions. By the way, are you a gamer? wow I love it when girls play video games! far cry 3! Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity! Vaas! that guy was crazy, but I can never forget this sentence of his....BIG LIKE for your signature!
Meli22 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I ended my last relationship. Felt like I didn't have much choice though. Don't regret it, don't care how hurt he is, do think of him sometimes.
Shock148 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 (edited) Did you ever feel any kind of regret or bad conscience after breaking up with your partner (considering the relationship was a good one)? Did you ever think of your ex.. like what he or she was going through, how much pain they were in or that you had hurt them? Maybe the first day I feel something if the relationship was good. However, not to a point where I have regret or bad conscience because even though the relationship was good, if I don't feel it then I don't feel it. I honestly have been checked out emotionally from her for a while before I break things off so I usually start thinking about plans to go out with friends and meet new woman. I do think about my ex and the pain because it just sucks to experience that but I always try to tell her and myself that I do have love for her, but I am not in love with her and it would be unfair to the both of us if we continued and it is best that we stay friends if you would like. Honestly there is nothing worse than stringing people along. In the long run she would respect you a lot more in the future if you cut off ties before dragging it unnecessarily. Besides why would you? It's just a recipe for you to cheat later down the road or act indifferent towards her. Edited September 30, 2015 by Shock148
ChicagoSparty Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 When I look back at how my marriage ended, I'm not very happy about it. I truly regret that things went down the way they went down, and if I could do it over....well, if I could do it over, I just wouldn't have gotten married. But that's another story. As to thinking back on how my ex felt....I don't know. I mean, I'm human, and I don't like to see people suffering. I especially don't like to see the mother of my children suffering. And I know for a fact that she was destroyed by the marriage falling apart. That said, she had it coming. You have to participate in a relationship. You have to respect and love the person you're with, and show them that. You can't be abusive and negligent. You can't be dishonest. You can't be unsupportive. You can't be completely selfish. The relationship can't be about one person demanding the other person make them happy. I guess it's too bad that she got hurt so bad. I'm not proud of the ending. But....sometimes people have to learn the hard way. 2
Helz87 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 My situation is probably a bit different as I split with my ex a while back but only the past week have we fully called it a day. I wanted the relationship to end but I hid from it for a while and told him what he wanted to hear so that I could hide my own guilt I'm feeling happy that it's over but I'm definitely sad as well but change for anyone is painful and I believe this is also just a knock to my ego as another poster has put it. I honestly do believe though that if you are readily available to someone who has checked out they will not want you once you work on yourself and develop usually the dumper becomes intrigued and try's again however by this point it's usually too late!
Meli22 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 My situation is probably a bit different as I split with my ex a while back but only the past week have we fully called it a day. I wanted the relationship to end but I hid from it for a while and told him what he wanted to hear so that I could hide my own guilt I'm feeling happy that it's over but I'm definitely sad as well but change for anyone is painful and I believe this is also just a knock to my ego as another poster has put it. I honestly do believe though that if you are readily available to someone who has checked out they will not want you once you work on yourself and develop usually the dumper becomes intrigued and try's again however by this point it's usually too late! I've found this is usually the case too
metaversus Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 (edited) Maybe the first day I feel something if the relationship was good. However, not to a point where I have regret or bad conscience because even though the relationship was good, if I don't feel it then I don't feel it. I honestly have been checked out emotionally from her for a while before I break things off so I usually start thinking about plans to go out with friends and meet new woman. I do think about my ex and the pain because it just sucks to experience that but I always try to tell her and myself that I do have love for her, but I am not in love with her and it would be unfair to the both of us if we continued and it is best that we stay friends if you would like. Honestly there is nothing worse than stringing people along. In the long run she would respect you a lot more in the future if you cut off ties before dragging it unnecessarily. Besides why would you? It's just a recipe for you to cheat later down the road or act indifferent towards her. It's so nice of you to say that to her though, the truth. A lot of people don't even get that. I'd like to see more dumpers have real compassion for their exes and help them through the hurt. The dumpees will whine, moan, bitch for you back. They will get mean, nasty, go in and out of no contact, but if you ever actually genuinely cared about that person, you will check in on them from time to time to make sure they're ok. You will let them be mean and nasty, and you will hold your position, be clear, concise and compassionate. Tell them they must forget about any future with you and move on with their life. Tell them you know they're in a fog now,but one day the sun will shine again. Maintain this position, and eventually the hurt and attachment will fade, pass and the dumpee will know you actually gave a s*** and want to be your friend. The dumpee should be the one who cuts off contact, not the dumper, unless they act in a way which threatens you. This is what happened with me. It took a year. Only ex I've ever able to be friends with. He's ended up being a great friend and a catalyst for a lot of great things in my life. He's also a d-bag, and I'm so glad I didn't end up with him;). Edited October 1, 2015 by metaversus 1
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