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Is there something called too much honesty?

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

By Daisy-oliviaWentcher
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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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I won't go into details about what it is I said to this guy over text ( because I don't think I need to) but he said how much he loved " raw honesty" he loved woman who "spoke their minds" and just " said it like it is"... so I reveled a piece of information about me, rather flippantly and after that he has not text back even after wanting arrangements to meet me.

 

I just kind of think if you admit to "liking honesty" than you should prepared as to what sort of information people reveal to you in the most honest way.

 

I don't mind moving on from this guy, because I think it's a jack ass thing to do to stop texting. But, is there such thing as too much honesty?

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Oregon_Dude Established Member

Oregon_Dude

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I reveled a piece of information about me, rather flippantly and after that he has not text back even after wanting arrangements to meet me.
The mystery is killing me.

 

What did you say? Without the deets, we can't answer "honestly".

 

:p

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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The mystery is killing me.

 

What did you say? Without the deets, we can't answer "honestly".

 

:p

 

I can't say. I don't want to be judged for it.

Oregon_Dude Established Member

Oregon_Dude

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I can't say. I don't want to be judged for it.
You're on an anonymous internet board with plenty of helpful and open-minded people.

 

Anyway, yes, there's such a thing as too much honesty. Some things are best kept to yourself.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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You're on an anonymous internet board with plenty of helpful and open-minded people.

 

Anyway, yes, there's such a thing as too much honesty. Some things are best kept to yourself.

 

He asked how long i have been single for and I told him. it's been a long time. Then I never heard from him again.

Oregon_Dude Established Member

Oregon_Dude

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Thanks for sharing. He sounds like a d-bag. How long someone has been single isn't an indicator of much. Sometimes it takes us a long time to find the right person. Don't take his reaction personally - he just wasn't for you.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Yes, there is such a thing as too much honesty.

 

Given what you revealed - I'm not sure that's the reason for his silence. I can think of a million darker "secrets" than the length of time one has been single, so I'm wondering if there's something else to it. Can you give a few more details? ex: how long had you been texting each other? where/when/how did you start communicating? When was the last time you actually heard from him?

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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Thanks for sharing. He sounds like a d-bag. How long someone has been single isn't an indicator of much. Sometimes it takes us a long time to find the right person. Don't take his reaction personally - he just wasn't for you.

 

Well it has been 12 years. I understand if it's a turn off. It's a lot for someone to work with. It's a type of baggage ( the baggage of not being experienced enough or being a bit behind) but I don't think it's un-manageable or un-workable and it's removable... once you're in a good nurturing relationship you can make up for lost time... well I'm hoping you can anyway. I just feel like he asked me, I told him rather unashamedly and then by not texting me back makes me think I should go back to being ashamed about it as if something is wrong with me? But I know there isn't something wrong with me.

Oregon_Dude Established Member

Oregon_Dude

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I know there isn't something wrong with me.
Exactly. Focus on this. You are fine exactly as you are. Yeah, 12 years is a while. So what? You just didn't meet the right one during that time, and you refused to settle for less.

 

Be your own advocate and best friend.

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cessna Established Member

cessna

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I don't think you can ever be too honest.

 

I'm sure he liked your honesty just not the answer. I'm not sure why though. I'd much rather date a girl that had been single for a while than one who jumps from relationship to relationship.

 

Think positively. If something as small as this made him jump ship the bloke was probably a twat to begin with.

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Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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No, there is not such thing as too much honesty. You see, you were honest and found out he was a douche. That is your time and effort saved

right there... otherwise, if you lied you would get stuck with him for a while and fall in love with the wrong man.

Honesty always brings the best results one way or another.

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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No, there is not such thing as too much honesty. You see, you were honest and found out he was a douche. That is your time and effort saved

right there... otherwise, if you lied you would get stuck with him for a while and fall in love with the wrong man.

Honesty always brings the best results one way or another.

 

I just figure if someone asks they should be prepared to get an answer. Same as questions like " why did your marriage fail?" " do you have any children?" " are you gay?" these questions have honest answers. I was open and honest and I got an honest response from him which was a non response... A bit sad.

deadelvis Established Member

deadelvis

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I disagree. No such thing as too much honesty. Obviously when you are first dating there are some things it's better to save for later.

 

The only acceptable lies are answers to the following questions;

 

"Does this outfit make me look fat?"

"Does it bother you that I've put on some weight?"

"Do you think that person is hotter than me?"

"Do you ever fantasize about having sex with my friends?"

"How much money did you spend at the bar?"

"Do you ever miss being single?"

 

Some common but IMO unacceptable lies are replies to the following questions;

 

"How many people have you had sex with?"

"Are you happy with our sex life?"

"Who keeps texting you?"

"Have you ever had sex for money/paid for sex?"

"Have you ever been in porn?"

"Have you ever done a gangbang?"

 

Some inexcusable lies are replies to the following questions;

 

"Why didn't you come home last night?"

"Is that rash or herpes?"

"Did you post our sex video on youtube?"

"Why does my sister keep winking at you?"

"Is this your cocaine?"

"Why do you have glitter on your stomach?"

 

That should make things easier for you. And for the love of all things holy... please tell us what you said that freaked him out so much. The suspense is killing me.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I don't understand the big secret to share. It bothers YOU that you have been single for 12 years, no one else.

 

I have been single for 11 years and it has never been an issue l don't understand why it's one in your dating unless you've spent the last 12 years in jail?

 

I thought you were gonna tell us something big like you have .....an std

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I thought you were gonna tell us something big like you have .....an std

 

That's a joke at myself by the way

Eagle's-bargain Established Member

Eagle's-bargain

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-delete/omitted-

Edited by Eagle's-bargain
I'm an idiot?
Winterina Established Member

Winterina

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I just figure if someone asks they should be prepared to get an answer. Same as questions like " why did your marriage fail?" " do you have any children?" " are you gay?" these questions have honest answers. I was open and honest and I got an honest response from him which was a non response... A bit sad.

 

Yeah, he should have at least told her he is not comfortable with it and cannot be with her for that reason. Disappearing act sucks.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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Yeah there can be a thing as too much honesty... but that is a pretty simple fact about your life. I don't see any reason for you to need to hide it, and it's probably better if it scared him away that you know now.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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i read what you wrote and he sounds like a dick for saying that then not answering you.......so you havent dated in a while......maybe thats why you can be honest......there's no shame in not dating for a while .....to tell the truth....i dated an ex because i knew for a fact he had been single for more than four years......the other ex two or three years....both lasted long term....if a person goes from relationship to relationship its more of a risk than a person who hasnt dated in a while or a person who cant be by themselves for more than six months....

 

dont worry about this guy ...lots of people especially on here havent dated in a while.....i am one who also hasnt.....coming up to a year and i wont date unless i feel something more.....before this year.....it was seven years since i had a relationship..

 

honestly the guy si rude not to get back to you....even to tell you hey i dont think this will work.....makes him a dick ..i particularly dont like rude or ignorant guys......you said nothing wrong...and he wasnt for you however much he said he loved your raw honesty...deb

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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i read what you wrote and he sounds like a dick for saying that then not answering you.......so you havent dated in a while......maybe thats why you can be honest......there's no shame in not dating for a while .....to tell the truth....i dated an ex because i knew for a fact he had been single for more than four years......the other ex two or three years....both lasted long term....if a person goes from relationship to relationship its more of a risk than a person who hasnt dated in a while or a person who cant be by themselves for more than six months....

 

dont worry about this guy ...lots of people especially on here havent dated in a while.....i am one who also hasnt.....coming up to a year and i wont date unless i feel something more.....before this year.....it was seven years since i had a relationship..

 

honestly the guy si rude not to get back to you....even to tell you hey i dont think this will work.....makes him a dick ..i particularly dont like rude or ignorant guys......you said nothing wrong...and he wasnt for you however much he said he loved your raw honesty...deb

 

It just seems weird doesn't it " Hey I love honest people/woman... and talk from your gut that sorta thing" and then suddenly you give them an honest answer and they run away. It's like, don't invite things you are aren't ready for.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I won't go into details about what it is I said to this guy over text ( because I don't think I need to) but he said how much he loved " raw honesty" he loved woman who "spoke their minds" and just " said it like it is"

 

I don't think he meant by that he wanted to know all of your 'secrets'.

 

I think what he meant is if you are to date then to be honest about your relationship together. Example if something bothers you, if something is missing, if you have a doubt, than to speak up with no holding back.

guest569 Established Member

guest569

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That's hardly 'too honest'. He asked and you answered.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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It just seems weird doesn't it " Hey I love honest people/woman... and talk from your gut that sorta thing" and then suddenly you give them an honest answer and they run away. It's like, don't invite things you are aren't ready for.

 

 

 

Daisy -- there is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about being single 12 years - so please get that thought out of your head right now!! :):)

 

Now the thing about honesty is.... while someone can ask or express desire that someone be 100% honest .... and that he/she welcomes that honesty, that doesn't obligate them to stay with you once you disclose whatever info you choose to disclose to honor their request.

 

 

I mean, what if someone disclosed that they served time in prison for child molestation? While sure they were being honest and that is honorable, would you feel obligated to stay with them just because they were honest?

 

 

In your situation, I think the guy was a douche because being single 12 years is nothing to be ashamed of...and certainly not worthy of being dumped over, but I suppose it was still his prerogative to do so (no matter how douchey it was) .... but at the very least he should have told you he didn't want to pursue it, instead of just ghosting you. That was weak, and he's coward!!

 

 

Next!

Edited by katiegrl
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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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Daisy -- there is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about being single 12 years - so please get that thought out of your head right now!! :):)

 

Now the thing about honesty is.... while someone can ask or express desire that someone be 100% honest .... and that he/she welcomes that honesty, that doesn't obligate them to stay with you once you disclose whatever info you choose to disclose to honor their request.

 

 

I mean, what if someone disclosed that they served time in prison for child molestation? While sure they were being honest and that is honorable, would you feel obligated to stay with them just because they were honest?

 

 

In your situation, I think the guy was a douche because being single 12 years is nothing to be ashamed of...and certainly not worthy of being dumped over, but I suppose it was his prerogative to do so .... but at the very least he should have told you he didn't want to pursue it, instead of just ghosting you. That was weak, and he's coward!!

 

 

Next!

 

meh it has happened to me quite a lot actually. But I figure it is still better to be honest, despite the outcome. Ghosting is from men that can't quite understand and comprehend, and perhaps they have THEIR reasons (like you say) for not appreciating it but none the less, if you are honest and they bolt whose got the real issue? I often ask myself why should I filter information?

siriusp Established Member

siriusp

Posted
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I won't go into details about what it is I said to this guy over text ( because I don't think I need to) but he said how much he loved " raw honesty" he loved woman who "spoke their minds" and just " said it like it is"... so I reveled a piece of information about me, rather flippantly and after that he has not text back even after wanting arrangements to meet me.

 

I just kind of think if you admit to "liking honesty" than you should prepared as to what sort of information people reveal to you in the most honest way.

 

I don't mind moving on from this guy, because I think it's a jack ass thing to do to stop texting. But, is there such thing as too much honesty?

 

It seems he wasn't very honest - when he said he liked honesty and ran when you were honest! What a twat! But to answer your question - I think that you should not be dishonest but hold back personal details until you know them long enough to trust them...

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