Helz87 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Hi everyone I'm in a totally desperate situation here and I hope someone can help me understand why I feel like this. I posted a few months ago about my ex we split in 2013 so almost two years ago now and ever since we have had quite a lot of contact he was in a desperate state he has an addiction to weed and our relationship was awful. Towards the end it was full of abuse not really pyshically apart from one time when he broke my finger anyway for some reason I couldn't let go I desperately wanted to I've even been on a holiday with my friend and slept with someone else but I kept going back every time I went on a night out I would sleep with my ex and I know now how much he clung onto my every word. It's been about 4 weeks since we last got together and a few days after he had a breakdown and broke his hand since then he told me enough I can't go on like this and we distanced ourselves but he still texts or calls every few days as we have a son together. It suddenly dawned on me at the weekend we are over and I feel such a loss it's almost as if we have just broke up I feel like the tables have turned and he is now ok and I'm not. Can anyone explain to me why I feel like this? I don't want him back we were together for 8 years and had a terrible relationship but I feel as though I'm morning a friend and I'm also extremely close to his family an feel like this is it now we are truly over its hit me like a brick wall. I don't want to feel like this and I can't because I have a child to care for but I just can't understand it nothing in my life has changed I've been happy going about my own business believing I was single for almost 2 years and now I feel such a massive deep loss. Is this just a knock to my ego because I know he is over us or have I never mourned the relationship? Has anyone experienced similar and can offer advice? Thanks for listening xx
Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Hi everyone I'm in a totally desperate situation here and I hope someone can help me understand why I feel like this. I posted a few months ago about my ex we split in 2013 so almost two years ago now and ever since we have had quite a lot of contact he was in a desperate state he has an addiction to weed and our relationship was awful. Towards the end it was full of abuse not really pyshically apart from one time when he broke my finger anyway for some reason I couldn't let go I desperately wanted to I've even been on a holiday with my friend and slept with someone else but I kept going back every time I went on a night out I would sleep with my ex and I know now how much he clung onto my every word. It's been about 4 weeks since we last got together and a few days after he had a breakdown and broke his hand since then he told me enough I can't go on like this and we distanced ourselves but he still texts or calls every few days as we have a son together. It suddenly dawned on me at the weekend we are over and I feel such a loss it's almost as if we have just broke up I feel like the tables have turned and he is now ok and I'm not. Can anyone explain to me why I feel like this? I don't want him back we were together for 8 years and had a terrible relationship but I feel as though I'm morning a friend and I'm also extremely close to his family an feel like this is it now we are truly over its hit me like a brick wall. I don't want to feel like this and I can't because I have a child to care for but I just can't understand it nothing in my life has changed I've been happy going about my own business believing I was single for almost 2 years and now I feel such a massive deep loss. Is this just a knock to my ego because I know he is over us or have I never mourned the relationship? Has anyone experienced similar and can offer advice? Thanks for listening xx Its a knock to your ego nothing more. You didnt mourn the relationship when it first happened so why now? Because he stated thats it's over? Well what you need to do is to never go back and sleep with him again. You need to only contact him when it comes to the child you both have together and nothing else. If he texts or calls you about anything other than your child then do not respond. Mourn over it, it's normal but just do yourself a favor and keep conversations between the two of you strictly about your child and nothing else.
Author Helz87 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Thank you for this, I feel as though I'm going through the motions of a break up the heart ache little appetite etc it doesn't feel as intense as usual but I still feel as though it's more than a knock to my ego but then I realise I've had the upper hand on the situation for so long it's no longer in my control, I don't want him back and know our relationship is utterly toxic he also gives nothing to me he has no respect doesn't support me financially etc which is why I'm so dumbfounded as to where these feelings have come from.
Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Thank you for this, I feel as though I'm going through the motions of a break up the heart ache little appetite etc it doesn't feel as intense as usual but I still feel as though it's more than a knock to my ego but then I realise I've had the upper hand on the situation for so long it's no longer in my control, I don't want him back and know our relationship is utterly toxic he also gives nothing to me he has no respect doesn't support me financially etc which is why I'm so dumbfounded as to where these feelings have come from. Yeah it just a bruised ego. You will get over it soon. He sounds like a loser anyway. Go out and have fun meet a new guy.
Author Helz87 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 I also feel like I've now give him the upper hand in pouring my heart out and he's suddenly gone cold we have been split for 18 months and it's only been 4 weeks since his attitude has changed I think he is going through the acceptance stage but maybe now the tables have turned it's made him realise how little he actually ever wanted me i think it's always been a big comfort thing for both of us because we have been in each other's life's for so long.
Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I also feel like I've now give him the upper hand in pouring my heart out and he's suddenly gone cold we have been split for 18 months and it's only been 4 weeks since his attitude has changed I think he is going through the acceptance stage but maybe now the tables have turned it's made him realise how little he actually ever wanted me i think it's always been a big comfort thing for both of us because we have been in each other's life's for so long. Possibly, but who cares if he has the upper hand now. A toxic situation where he broke your finger once? It's hard to let go of anyone who has spent so long in your life but trust me the best thing that you can do is date another guy and when you see how well he treats you, you will forget all about your ex.
BC1980 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 You stayed in contact with him for 2 years and never truly accepted it was over. Do eventhough it's been 2 years of time, in your mind, it's like it was yesterday. Go NC immediately. 1
Author Helz87 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Thanks to you both I really appreciate someone replying I feel like I'm exhausting my poor friends and have no other outlet apart from him and I am going to go NC the thing is he has never truly gone NC up until all my feelings spewed out and possibly frightened the life out of him he was still messaging or calling every few days asking how our son was or what I was up to. This is so very alien to me because the truth is he has been a massive burden on my life for so long I've practically mothered him and I'm worried it goes much deeper than a bruised ego and the real loss is the fact I don't have him to think about now I put him before myself 90% of the time now I'm left to face my own issues and feelings it's odd. I really want to date but don't know if I'm too emotional at the minute but it's crazy to think I've been single almost two years and only now am I feeling emotional I wish I cut the cord with him when I moved out and I probably wouldn't have to feel like this.
Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Thanks to you both I really appreciate someone replying I feel like I'm exhausting my poor friends and have no other outlet apart from him and I am going to go NC the thing is he has never truly gone NC up until all my feelings spewed out and possibly frightened the life out of him he was still messaging or calling every few days asking how our son was or what I was up to. This is so very alien to me because the truth is he has been a massive burden on my life for so long I've practically mothered him and I'm worried it goes much deeper than a bruised ego and the real loss is the fact I don't have him to think about now I put him before myself 90% of the time now I'm left to face my own issues and feelings it's odd. I really want to date but don't know if I'm too emotional at the minute but it's crazy to think I've been single almost two years and only now am I feeling emotional I wish I cut the cord with him when I moved out and I probably wouldn't have to feel like this. Probably not but at least it is never too late. Yeah you are probably not in the best mood to date anyone npw but go out and enjoy yourself and your son. You have to start thinking of other things besides him.
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