Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 (edited) Ok so I dated my ex girlfriend 5 years ago. I was 21 years old and she was 26 at the time. The relationship started off well in the beginning but obviously it ended badly. We both were heavy drinkers and that is a recipe for disaster. I lived with this woman and she was honestly my first love. Anyway, after she ended the relationship we had not talked in over 3 years. I never knew about this site nor the no contact rule so I would always attempt to contact her but she did the best thing anyone could have done by blocking me. It did help me move on with my life and make me move on from the pain of losing her. Another 2 years went by and still I had not seen or talked to her. About 3 weeks ago, I decided to contact her just to apologize about everything that I did and to tell her I want to be just friends with her because no one forgets their first love and I honestly did not want her to hate me because I was a young man at the time who couldn't handle just walking away from a bad relationship, which in turn made me depressed, drink more, and argue more wit her. Well she surprisingly unblocked me 3 years ago, but still would not answer any of my messages. Once again, 2 years went by with her not contacting me until january of this year I decided to send her another message. I just sent her a message stating I apologized for everything and this will be the last message I send you. I told her I was sorry, I was a boy who couldnt handle anything, and I just hoped she didnt hate me because I was a good person. She didnt respond or replied to this so I just said screw it, I made peace with myself and let her know that I would like to be friends if she allowed it. 6 months passed with no contact until 3 weeks ago I thought about her and decided to just say hey I hope everything was well in her life. Surprisingly she actually responded to this and we had a good short conversation and she even brought up the idea that we should hang out before the weather starts getting too cold. I said sure why not, I havent seen her in 5 years so I would loved to. We hung out and we had a great time. She kept bringing up all the good times that we had in our relationship which at first bothered me because I didnt want to talk about the past, good or not, but a trip down memory lane is always fun I suppose. We laughed, hugged, she got a little tipsy and kept calling me babe, and even said we should hang out in her apartment one day. We are both single at the moment, and we both have changed for the better it seems. However, I did text her the following day and only got "Im fine, I had fun, going to the store now." as a response and didnt hear from her again. I asked her if she would like to hang out again and she said "yes but she will let me know." My question is, seeing her again did brought up past feelings, but I don't want to be played or overthink that she might be interested in me again when she really isnt. So do you think I should avoid her? Not text her unless she texts me first? Or what? Thanks for those who respond. Edited September 29, 2015 by Shock148
mightycpa Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Wow, five years and you haven't found anybody better to hang out with other than this old lady? Dude, you walked down MEMORY Lane, not IWANNAFUTURE Blvd or WEAREBESTBUDS Street. If you take the wrong turn down Memory Lane, you're going to end up on DEADEND Court. Let it go. No more texts. 1
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Wow, five years and you haven't found anybody better to hang out with other than this old lady? Dude, you walked down MEMORY Lane, not IWANNAFUTURE Blvd or WEAREBESTBUDS Street. If you take the wrong turn down Memory Lane, you're going to end up on DEADEND Court. Let it go. No more texts. I was in a relationship in between those 5 years which obviously ended. I suppose it's because of nostalgia, memory lane, whatever it is that I feel this way. Plus I suppose I am single and just want some pussy lol. You are right, I won't text her.
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Anyone else has any advice?
frigginlost Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Anyone else has any advice? She said she would let you know. So, go on with your life as if nothing has changed. Honestly, there might be something there, but it is not in your court. It is in hers. She knows you're interested as you asked her to hang out again... 1
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 She said she would let you know. So, go on with your life as if nothing has changed. Honestly, there might be something there, but it is not in your court. It is in hers. She knows you're interested as you asked her to hang out again... Thats true, thanks. If she texts me great, if not oh well it doesn't matter. I just hate how when we hung out she made it seem like she was interested in me by calling me babe, being touchy feely with me, wanting to come over my apartment to hang out some more and suggesting we should hang out at her apartment one of these days only for her to disappear the following day.
frigginlost Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Thats true, thanks. If she texts me great, if not oh well it doesn't matter. I just hate how when we hung out she made it seem like she was interested in me by calling me babe, being touchy feely with me, wanting to come over my apartment to hang out some more and suggesting we should hang out at her apartment one of these days only for her to disappear the following day. Actually sounds pretty typical. Let her stew on her emotions for a while. She probably got caught up in everything and is now stepping back to sort it all out. What's important is that you don't stop your life, because if she knows you're hooked, you're on the express highway to the friendzone with her. Don't text her, let her figure things out, and be cool about it all. If she comes around, you'll definitely know... 1
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Actually sounds pretty typical. Let her stew on her emotions for a while. She probably got caught up in everything and is now stepping back to sort it all out. What's important is that you don't stop your life, because if she knows you're hooked, you're on the express highway to the friendzone with her. Don't text her, let her figure things out, and be cool about it all. If she comes around, you'll definitely know... Thanks I will do this.
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 (edited) Honestly, I am not even sure I even want to be in a relationship with her although obviously part of me does. But even if I do, why should I NC her? A simple hey whats up or whatever will make me instantly fall into the friend zone? Just 2 adults being cordial via text message is what I am thinking. Just curious because I am not seeing the harm of it so help me out please. Anyone? Edited September 29, 2015 by Shock148
frigginlost Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Honestly, I am not even sure I even want to be in a relationship with her although obviously part of me does. But even if I do, why should I NC her? A simple hey whats up or whatever will make me instantly fall into the friend zone? Just 2 adults being cordial via text message is what I am thinking. Just curious because I am not seeing the harm of it so help me out please. Anyone? You're overthinking. :-) A simple whats-up or whatever after the fact of her knowing you want to hangout with her shows neediness. Let her contact you. You're not NC with her now, you are simply waiting on her answer to hangout. She knows that... Right now, regardless if you want to be in a relationship with her or not, you do not want to appear needy. 1
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 You're overthinking. :-) A simple whats-up or whatever after the fact of her knowing you want to hangout with her shows neediness. Let her contact you. You're not NC with her now, you are simply waiting on her answer to hangout. She knows that... Right now, regardless if you want to be in a relationship with her or not, you do not want to appear needy. Damn you are right. It's hard for me to not come off as needy I suppose. I guess it is because I never see the harm of sending messages. I do get mad when anyone (friends, women, family) don't respond to texts. It makes me feel like you cant take 5 seconds out of your entire day to respond and at least tell me you are busy or something?
frigginlost Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Damn you are right. It's hard for me to not come off as needy I suppose. I guess it is because I never see the harm of sending messages. I do get mad when anyone (friends, women, family) don't respond to texts. It makes me feel like you cant take 5 seconds out of your entire day to respond and at least tell me you are busy or something? Hehehe... I am the *exact* same way. I have a girl I previously dated who I have not heard from in a long time, trying to "thaw the bridge" of communication with me. In the past, I would be the first to text, call, etc. with her, but not now. It all comes down to effort in my eyes. She knows what I'm all about (we dated for 4 months before she went back to an ex) so I don't need to waste energy "playing the game". If she reaches out, cool. We'll see where it goes. If not, cool too. There are 3.5 billion women on this planet (that's a lot of boobs!) and I'm not going waste any time wondering what is going on with her. I've got a life to live. :-) 1
buck3200 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Hehehe... I am the *exact* same way. I have a girl I previously dated who I have not heard from in a long time, trying to "thaw the bridge" of communication with me. In the past, I would be the first to text, call, etc. with her, but not now. It all comes down to effort in my eyes. She knows what I'm all about (we dated for 4 months before she went back to an ex) so I don't need to waste energy "playing the game". If she reaches out, cool. We'll see where it goes. If not, cool too. There are 3.5 billion women on this planet (that's a lot of boobs!) and I'm not going waste any time wondering what is going on with her. I've got a life to live. :-) ...and you can spend years with other people and realize that you will never feel love for anyone like you did for that one. Don't be a pest but don't be afraid to follow your heart. One day it truly will be TOO LATE.....
Simon Phoenix Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Right now you've been chasing. No matter how long it's been, the dumped need not chase. If this hangout was as good as you seem to think it was, it will marinate in her mind and she'll contact you. It it wasn't, then it's time to move on. But the fact that all communication has been initiated by you doesn't make me think this is going to go anywhere. Had you not messaged three years out, one year ago, a few weeks ago odds are she never would have reached out. You have to let go man.
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Right now you've been chasing. No matter how long it's been, the dumped need not chase. If this hangout was as good as you seem to think it was, it will marinate in her mind and she'll contact you. It it wasn't, then it's time to move on. But the fact that all communication has been initiated by you doesn't make me think this is going to go anywhere. Had you not messaged three years out, one year ago, a few weeks ago odds are she never would have reached out. You have to let go man. I am perfectly ok with not having a relationship with her every again. I just hated how things ended because it always sucks knowing that in the back of your mind a person still hates you after 5 years of not seeing or talking to them. I reached out because she was my first love and I did not want her to continue to hate me. Other than meeting her, my only goals were to bury the hatchet and to just be friends with her. After hanging out with her I started having mixed feelings if I even wanted to be in a relationship again with her which thanks to this site I dont think I want to. I definitely will not contact her though and see if she actually texts me first for a change. If she does not then oh well. I usually contact anyone when I am bored just to strike up a conversation but I suppose I have enough friends to text than to text an ex.
drallafi Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Five years? Man that's... wow. Look forward not backwards man. Can't believe you were still reaching out to her years after the breakup. That's crazy.
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Five years? Man that's... wow. Look forward not backwards man. Can't believe you were still reaching out to her years after the breakup. That's crazy. Yeah I know I just always felt like I had unfinished business. I actually got my closure this past weekend. That's all I wanted from her personally. I am definitely not going to be with her ever again.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Yeah I know I just always felt like I had unfinished business. I actually got my closure this past weekend. That's all I wanted from her personally. I am definitely not going to be with her ever again. If that's all you wanted, I'm not sure this thread would have ever been started. Either way, it's time to move forward and stop circling back. When you dig up the past, all you get is dirty.
Author Shock148 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 If that's all you wanted, I'm not sure this thread would have ever been started. Either way, it's time to move forward and stop circling back. When you dig up the past, all you get is dirty. Yeah I suppose you are right. I did have mixed feelings which is why I made this thread but all of you talking to me realized I dont want to move backwards.
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