Guyouthere Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Unfortunately few men believe this. Sorry to spoil the party….. Wanting sex on the first date screams "a no go with you". I am turned off by it,,,, I see a woman who wants it as loose and undesirable. Sex comes later,, how much later depends on the mutual feeling, and after you know someone more and develop feelings for them. 2
Photofinish Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Why should a man treat a woman like crap? Especially after doing something intimate together. Why should a man ever treat a woman like crap (or why should a woman ever treat a man like crap)? Why is that ever ok? I never said they should. No one should treat any one like crap unless they deserve it . What I did say is that some woman do things like that and then get sad/ surprised when the man treats them like garbage. Like....Duh!!!
siriusp Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I never said they should. No one should treat any one like crap unless they deserve it . What I did say is that some woman do things like that and then get sad/ surprised when the man treats them like garbage. Like....Duh!!! Unless they deserve it? lol Yes.... why should a man treat them like garbage after sleeping with them? I would be surprised if a man treated me like garbage after having sex with me!!!! Why on earth should men treat a woman badly after a one night stand? I certainly wouldn't blame any woman for being surprised and/or sad if she slept with a man and then he treated her badly. Why would she sleep with someone if she expected that? I don't understand your way of thinking. 1
Author Nemetona Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 We all know this happens so why put yourself in that position? You can't possibly know a man you only just met that night. So it's entirely possible he's a misogynist who will think you're a dirty cheap whore for sleeping with him so soon. It's best to get to know a man before deciding whether to have sex with him or not 2
kpl Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 We all know this happens so why put yourself in that position? You can't possibly know a man you only just met that night. So it's entirely possible he's a misogynist who will think you're a dirty cheap whore for sleeping with him so soon. It's best to get to know a man before deciding whether to have sex with him or not i agree that the real reason the guy probably disappears is b/c he was probably a jerk anyway and wasn't interested. It had nothing to do with the woman sleeping with him just he probably wants to sleep with a lot of women right now. I just don't know a lot of men who think women are less than b/c she slept with him on the first date. It is incredibly illogical thinking. He is also less than for sleeping with her if thats the way he thinks. I think some of this may also be age and demographics. I am in my 30s and live in a large city where men and women have a lot of options, no one has time to pretend to be virtuous. I had a friend who was dating a guy and waited 10 dates she counted! before sleeping with this guy and our friends thought it was the dumbest thing. Guess what? The guy started ghosting after sex started b/c he wasn't that interested to begin with. Guys will wait, especially if they are getting sex from someone else, but that does not mean he respects you. I also should say if you are both a man and woman and you agree to wait b/c you want to spend more time getting to know the person and building trust that is one thing. But waiting to have sex b/c a guy will respect you more is crazy talk. An the idea that the woman has to be the leader of the virtue parade is even more ridiculous....hey guys you can just not have sex with her.
smackie9 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Sorry to spoil the party….. Wanting sex on the first date screams "a no go with you". I am turned off by it,,,, I see a woman who wants it as loose and undesirable. Sex comes later,, how much later depends on the mutual feeling, and after you know someone more and develop feelings for them. I'm no stranger to a male's belief system. About 4 out of 5 on average go by these standards. I DO express to stick with this rule because it's what most go by. I'm not against it. BUT I'm also not against people following their instincts or willing to take a chance. Two people can mutually be so into each other they have sex on the first date, and continue into a relationship and even marriage. It's a crap shoot but it happens. I myself had a ONS turn into a relationship. We are not a couple anymore but long time friends for 35 years. 1
Photofinish Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Unless they deserve it? lol Yes.... why should a man treat them like garbage after sleeping with them? I would be surprised if a man treated me like garbage after having sex with me!!!! Why on earth should men treat a woman badly after a one night stand? I certainly wouldn't blame any woman for being surprised and/or sad if she slept with a man and then he treated her badly. Why would she sleep with someone if she expected that? I don't understand your way of thinking. Yes unless they deserve it. If they're a cheating scum bag or bad people in general then yes they deserve to be treated badly . Stop trying to make my post look bad. It's kinda a fact that most man would not treat a woman that they can jump into bed on the first date with the same as they would treat one who waited. I know I don't treat men who sleep around the same as men that do not. No they shouldnt be treated like garbage for that alone but it happens.
Eighty_nine Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 The only part I agree with is that mutual respect is required for a successful relationship. I disagree with what generates that respect. Treating sex as something that must be "earned" is turning it into a commodity. I don't see why I should respect women who have a checklist of things I must do before she will gift me with sexual intimacy. I have far more respect for a woman who sleeps with me on the first date simply because she wanted to sleep with me. Who said anything about a checklist? It's about establishing a real connection before having sex. 1
Terry8889 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 At least prostitutes get paid, girls/guys who have one night stands do it for free. Idk what's worst LOL. Anyways, women are free to do it. Just don't complain later about how this particular guy you had sex with on the first night went ghost on you. I think it is disgusting for both men and women to do it. I won't be interested on a guy who is known to do one night stands either. And I won't see him as bf material either. 2
smackie9 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 What do of you mean by "treated like garbage"? Being ignored or being avoided isn't being treated like garbage.....it's being rejected, there's a difference. ONS is what it is, and no one owes anyone anything afterwards. Sex isn't a gift, it's an act shared by two consenting adults. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 "Why do women keep doing this?" -- We want them to keep doing this so that when guys meet women like us, they know when they have a real deal 1
Shining One Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 Who said anything about a checklist? It's about establishing a real connection before having sex.From your previous post:For women, allowing men to pursue them and work for their affectionI read "working for affection" as completing a set of required tasks as defined by the woman. If I am mistaken, please elaborate on what you mean by "working for affection".
Photofinish Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 At least prostitutes get paid, girls/guys who have one night stands do it for free. Idk what's worst LOL. Anyways, women are free to do it. Just don't complain later about how this particular guy you had sex with on the first night went ghost on you. I think it is disgusting for both men and women to do it. I won't be interested on a guy who is known to do one night stands either. And I won't see him as bf material either. This. Is possibly the best post I've seen on this site.
Pillow Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 The casual sex and regret phenomenon is HUGE in college/masters/law/med school programs. Men really live it up that I don't understand how male enrollment is dropping. Honestly, if you are male, you'll find some 18-26 year old to bang while in school. Women at that age are on the "exploration" "liberalism" "freedom" "finding myself" stage in their life, and they are willing to do it all. In my college, we had a sexual orgy night and I ended up kissing 45 guys in A SINGLE NIGHT and 1 girl. Bible. Universities should start saying FREE SEX AND DRUGS ON YOUR PARENT'S DIME IF YOU ATTEND COLLEGE. That'll put attendance back up.
alphamale Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 The number one dating issue that comes up with my female friends is this: They meet a guy they really click with. They sleep with him immediately (on the same day they met him). Then he never calls again, never responds to their texts or whatever and they are upset and want to know what they did wrong. some women are just dumb I guess; but I have been the benefactor or this behavior on a number of occasions
Eighty_nine Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 From your previous post:I read "working for affection" as completing a set of required tasks as defined by the woman. If I am mistaken, please elaborate on what you mean by "working for affection". by establishing a connection, proving they are interested in HER and not just sex. this isn't the same as a checklist.
Guyouthere Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 It is all about continuing the species….. mating with as many as possible to ensure viable offspring. hehehe
craw Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Well I have learned a lot reading this thread. Turns out us women will never really know. Despite communication. Sad world we live in. So I can take a gamble and get my heart broken or take another gamble and end up with a *****ry sex life.
autumnnight Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Who said anything about a checklist? It's about establishing a real connection before having sex. Thing is, for many men it IS a checklist. All the stuff the woman values is a necessary evil to them to "get the prize." This goes hand in hand with the formula thinking some men have: I was nice, did X, and said Y...how dare she not give me some??? It speaks to their view of women in general.
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I've slept with a lot of guys very early on. I love sex and have a high sex drive. If I'm attracted to you and we click, I'm going to want to have sex. My fiance and I met and had sex very early on and we just wanted more and more of each other sexually, emotionally, physically. We've been together 2 years now. Another guy I met, we slept together right away and he ghosted (and later apologised). Although I would advise laying off sex too early on, espec if you genuinely like the person, it's not a crime. If you meet and like each other, you might have sex. Some men will write you off as easy or be threatened by your sexuality. They'll see you as a one nighter, even if they like you. Others will enjoy your night together and get a fire in there belly for more of you. 2
Shining One Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 Thing is, for many men it IS a checklist. All the stuff the woman values is a necessary evil to them to "get the prize." This goes hand in hand with the formula thinking some men have: I was nice, did X, and said Y...how dare she not give me some???Great job taking the post out of context. I'll quote again, her words:For women, allowing men to pursue them and work for their affection actually sets up a positive relationship dynamic. Men have to earn their respect, their time, sexual intimacy.Men must work for affection in order to earn sexual intimacy. This is turning sex into commodity that is given as a reward for work done. My thoughts on sex are pretty simple: I want to have sex. She wants to have sex. We have sex. If either of us doesn't want to have sex, we don't have sex.It speaks to their view of women in general.What exactly does this mean? I see sex as something that is shared between partners, not some reward that must be earned through work. What conclusion are you drawing on my view of women by that?
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 I also think that men are compartmentalized thinkers and the Madonna/Whore complex is very real in many male minds. Men crave sex and want it all the time. Deep down, they love the sexually liberated woman because she is the woman that will sleep with them. They desire her but also hate her. They want to settle and procreate with the Madonna; the good girl who is possibly a virgin, inexperienced or rarely wants sex. They love and respect her for her goodness but are frustrated and bitter about her lack of sexuality. I think a lot of men have a very confused relationship about women. They are obsessed with porn stars, scantily clad women, sexy women, but they don't 'want' them because they don't trust them/respect them; do they fear them? But the 'good girls' are not so exciting sexually or as sexually wild so they will always be frustrated. It's a bit like women with wanting the stable provider but also the wild bad boy. Ultimately, I think sex is a mix of pleasure and danger. Sex is amazing but it also leads to pregnancy and STD's so anyone who indulges in casual sex will always be looked at with a degree of 'WTF' because we know intrinsically that sex can open a Pandora's Box; unwanted pregnancy, disease or a connection that wasn't wanted/needed. As stated above, I slept with my fiance VERY early on. We had sex for hours, stayed up talking and the next morning he took me for breakfast. We were inseperable since then and our connection has not faded. We both have high/strong sex drives and one thing that is strong in our relationship is that we have sex every day/every other day. From the beginning sex has been a strong part of our relationship as well as many other things but sex is big for both of us so we like to have a lot of it. He took me sleeping with him as a sign of our connection and also that I had a sex drive that matched his. HOWEVER obviously many men will sleep with a woman but then feel some disgust/fear after. She might WANT something from me. What do I do? Overall, I'd encourage AGAINST sleeping with someone that you have feelings for early on. Also, don't sleep with someone who has feelings for you early on. Casual sex SHOULD be casual i.e. you shouldn't want a relationship or commitment from that person. You should ideally be in the rel and then sleep together although the problem then is falling for each other but finding out that you are sexually incompatible. 1
Shining One Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 by establishing a connection, proving they are interested in HER and not just sex. this isn't the same as a checklist.You replaced one vague phrase with another. When you used the word "work", it came across as "things a man must do". "Establishing a connection" is equally vague, so I still don't know what you mean. I've established connections in many different ways. In some cases, it was "work" and other cases, it was not. 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 That's part of the problem with sex. People assume that it is something to 'trick' someone into. A lot of people have sex because they WANT to. The idea that sex is a pit you must trick someone to fall into is strange. I don't think that my partner feels he has to earn my sexuality. Our connection and chemistry makes sexual attraction and desire mutual; we felt it and went with it. 2
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 The problem with setting up an 'I must earn her sexuality' mentality is this: The man does X, Y or Z to 'earn' the woman. She sleeps with him. The moment he stops doing X, Y or Z, the sex stops. The man grows frustrated. 'Why doesn't she have sex with me anymore?' It's because the sex was always a contract rather than a mutual expression of desire. 2
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