nic05 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 If a guy thinks a date is going really well, he think "great this date is going well" and possibly sometimes "I might get laid". When a girls thinks a date is going well.... Well there's all sorts of things going on (and not saying everyone, but a whole bunch on my pals) would be thinking there could be some emotional aspect... This has the opportunity of going somewhere... It's going well he might have feelings for me with times... Sex means something else entirely.
kpl Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Yes.... but for me - if the sex is fantastic - I will want to see them again and I will think about them. If I've not had sex for six months or a year - then yes. A good one night stand is perfect. That doesn't mean I want to have a relationship at all. I have often read on LS that - if a woman sleeps with you then you are her type - !!! lol.... not true. I've slept with guys that are super attractive with hot bodies but totally lacking in personality - but they are just for fun. Not for relationships. Not my type if I'm looking for a relationship. I want someone with personality and similar values for a relationship - not just a hot body. nice! beware of the empowered woman who knows her worth...she is not crying over you!
jefermelesyeux Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Maybe I can offer a slightly different perspective, as I'm a guy who's done this in the past. But not to women, as I'm gay. I've been on the receiving end...pun perhaps intended. There have been occasions where I would start talking to a guy I was interested in romantically, we'd end up going on a few good dates and then have sex, and after the sex, poof. They disappear into oblivion. It feels ****ty. But something I'll point out here is that I didn't have sex to feel like it would make the guy mine, nor did I feel that was all I was capable of offering. I did it because I thought it was safe and ended up being a classic case of him telling me everything I wanted to hear just to get me in bed, and then disappearing. But that's credited to my own fault and naivety. Also, having reread what I just wrote, perhaps I deviated from the original post. Sorry. I do agree that it seems to be a rare thing to be upfront and honest and open about your expectations from the very beginning. I think that's where most if not all of the grey area lies. Though sometimes, as has been my experience, stating your intentions doesn't always mean you won't be ghosted after sex. Some people are just huge buttholes. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Pretty much my whole life I've heard various guys over the years saying exactly what GuyOutThere wrote. That they don't see a girl as girlfriend or long term relationship material if she sleeps with them too quickly. And a lot of them gave the same reason - 'if she'll do it with me, she's done it with others.' One guy even said that women who do that are the 'fun' girls but they're not the type he'd bring home to meet his mother. 2
siriusp Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Pretty much my whole life I've heard various guys over the years saying exactly what GuyOutThere wrote. That they don't see a girl as girlfriend or long term relationship material if she sleeps with them too quickly. And a lot of them gave the same reason - 'if she'll do it with me, she's done it with others.' One guy even said that women who do that are the 'fun' girls but they're not the type he'd bring home to meet his mother. You are right - I've heard many guys say them same things. These are not the type of guys you'd want to bring home to meet your mum either!! I have two brothers - one has that small narrow minded attitude - which I and my other siblings find repulsive but he's our brother so we still love him.... Our other brother - is better educated and much more respectful towards women. He is a 'feminist' (believes in equality for the sexes). It's a sad state of affairs that such a double standard is so prevalent. It reminds me of a recent trip to Morocco during Ramadan - one of my female friends told me that during Ramadan - women are expected to dress more conservatively - later that day I saw a man run across the road without a shirt! If a woman ran around there topless - she'd probably be stoned to death or something equally insane..... Western counties are very much like that - to a point - it just shows its ugly head in different ways.... for example suggesting that it is ok for a man to have sex on a first date but not a woman. I'm glad I don't have to spend time with people that think like that!
Photofinish Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 The number one dating issue that comes up with my female friends is this: They meet a guy they really click with. They sleep with him immediately (on the same day they met him). Then he never calls again, never responds to their texts or whatever and they are upset and want to know what they did wrong. This happens again and again. But none of my male friends or relatives has ever complained about sleeping with a woman early on and her blanking him afterwards. I don't do one night stands or sex early on at all, and my friends' experiences are not encouraging. Ugh I hate when woman do that and then feel bad when the man treats them like crap. I had a friend who slept with a guy very early on and I was really worried and expressed my concern but she became very angry so I was like whatever , I tried. The guy dumped her a couple times after and told her to her face he only dated her because he wanted sex. Of course she cried and was super dramatic about it . I kinda just sat there and comfort her but I wasnt surprised. She became obsessed with the dude and turned around and said he "raped" her although it was all consented. I dont know but personally I feel like a man wont really take a woman seriously if she goes around but that's my opinion. 2
siriusp Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Ugh I hate when woman do that and then feel bad when the man treats them like crap. I had a friend who slept with a guy very early on and I was really worried and expressed my concern but she became very angry so I was like whatever , I tried. The guy dumped her a couple times after and told her to her face he only dated her because he wanted sex. Of course she cried and was super dramatic about it . I kinda just sat there and comfort her but I wasnt surprised. She became obsessed with the dude and turned around and said he "raped" her although it was all consented. I dont know but personally I feel like a man wont really take a woman seriously if she goes around but that's my opinion. Why should a man treat a woman like crap? Especially after doing something intimate together. Why should a man ever treat a woman like crap (or why should a woman ever treat a man like crap)? Why is that ever ok? 2
Ami1uwant Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 On the flip s8destreets of this...there are women who slerp with him on the first date and then are ashamed they came off to easy and then poof on him.
kpl Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Why should a man treat a woman like crap? Especially after doing something intimate together. Why should a man ever treat a woman like crap (or why should a woman ever treat a man like crap)? Why is that ever ok? Bc men can't control themselves are women are saints or at least need to pretend to be a saint to get men to think they are worthy, duh....
Gus Grimly Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Yes.... but for me - if the sex is fantastic - I will want to see them again and I will think about them. Hopefully, you don't live by this rule. The first time for me usually isn't spectacular because I have no idea what she wants unless we've discussed it prior, which would be kinda weird.
siriusp Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Hopefully, you don't live by this rule. The first time for me usually isn't spectacular because I have no idea what she wants unless we've discussed it prior, which would be kinda weird. I don't live by many rules! To be treated with respect is the main one..... I suppose I am really talking about sexual chemistry/compatibility. I will not judge someone for being a bit clumsy or shy if the chemistry is there.
siriusp Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Bc men can't control themselves are women are saints or at least need to pretend to be a saint to get men to think they are worthy, duh.... LOL!! You're funny! Yes... men are beasts and can't control themselves... terrible!
ManyDissapoint Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Most of the questions in this thread have evolutionary psychology theories that explain them.
Eighty_nine Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 If a woman wanted to jump in bed the first day, she would be a goner, as that shows she isn't relationship material. Fact is, she likely did the same with many before me. I prefer quality. This. Exactly this. I am NOT saying I agree with this-- I don't, because early sex doesn't necessarily mean she's had early sex with every other guy she's dated, obviously. But this is how most men think. Additionally, almost ALL men like the chase. The sooner that women realize that, the better off they'll be. My best friend was dating lots of guys, sleeping with them by the 1st or 2nd date and they all faded out or disappeared. When she had some great dates, but waited for about a month to have sex, he became a serious boyfriend and they are still together. The idea "Oh, that guy would've disappeared anyway" sex or not, is false. In fact, one of the guys my best friend slept with literally told her that he was really sorry, he'd lost interest, and he wasn't sure why. Verbatim. I'm sort of a feminist, and I get the "women should be able to have no strings attached too!" bit. And I agree with this. But men are hunters instinctually. This is biological. I don't think they're all 'bad guys' for losing interest after sex-- many are 'players' and that's a different story-- but even for relationship minded guys, it can feel very natural to lose interest when sex was early/easy. And i think many times, they don't even know why, exactly. So to women who want sex without waiting for a relationship, I always suggest a trustworthy FWB that they don't secretly want to date. When women are looking for a relationship, I'm of the very firm mindset that early sex is always a bad idea. 4
Maggie4 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Are there really a substantial number of women doing this? I have not known anyone like that in real life. Seen it in movies, though.
Eighty_nine Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Are there really a substantial number of women doing this? I have not known anyone like that in real life. Seen it in movies, though. Several women I know, and I'm always discouraging it, and mostly they keep doing it anyway. 4
Woggle Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I don't believe in the stuff about how a woman is not relationship material if she sleeps with me early because I would be no different than her. As much as I defend a man's right to have standards I don't support hypocrisy. What I think is the issue here is a woman barely knows these men and it is dumb to put too much stock into people you barely know. Even if you have great sex you nothing about their character or what their intentions are. If you want to have some fun go right ahead but don't count on anything further than that until you get to know them. 5
kpl Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 This. Exactly this. I am NOT saying I agree with this-- I don't, because early sex doesn't necessarily mean she's had early sex with every other guy she's dated, obviously. But this is how most men think. Additionally, almost ALL men like the chase. The sooner that women realize that, the better off they'll be. My best friend was dating lots of guys, sleeping with them by the 1st or 2nd date and they all faded out or disappeared. When she had some great dates, but waited for about a month to have sex, he became a serious boyfriend and they are still together. The idea "Oh, that guy would've disappeared anyway" sex or not, is false. In fact, one of the guys my best friend slept with literally told her that he was really sorry, he'd lost interest, and he wasn't sure why. Verbatim. I'm sort of a feminist, and I get the "women should be able to have no strings attached too!" bit. And I agree with this. But men are hunters instinctually. This is biological. I don't think they're all 'bad guys' for losing interest after sex-- many are 'players' and that's a different story-- but even for relationship minded guys, it can feel very natural to lose interest when sex was early/easy. And i think many times, they don't even know why, exactly. So to women who want sex without waiting for a relationship, I always suggest a trustworthy FWB that they don't secretly want to date. When women are looking for a relationship, I'm of the very firm mindset that early sex is always a bad idea. This chase thing is absurd. I'm not a man - so maybe I don't know, but any real relationship I have had has been us mutually contacting, connecting, and growing the relationship. You can not have a mature relationship with EITHER party chasing the other. You set up a bad dynamic in the relationship. 1
Guyouthere Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 you are joking, right? No, I am not joking. I would be turned off by it, as sexual and passionate as I am. It screams to me that she is loose, shallow, and likely just looking for physical. I am a good looking guy, have been told so, so I will see how much they want me for me first. Women who want to jump right into bed are likely not going to be a good match for me, simply because I want to get to know them more, and not just for a nut buster. 2
Eighty_nine Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 This chase thing is absurd. I'm not a man - so maybe I don't know, but any real relationship I have had has been us mutually contacting, connecting, and growing the relationship. You can not have a mature relationship with EITHER party chasing the other. You set up a bad dynamic in the relationship. actually, not absurd at all. in fact, men are biologically/instinctually programmed to hunt the way that women biologically tend to be nurturing. Obviously, this is NOT true in every situation (I know I'll still get flagged for suggesting there are some innate gender roles though, and that's fine). For women, allowing men to pursue them and work for their affection actually sets up a positive relationship dynamic. Men have to earn their respect, their time, sexual intimacy. In return a woman will respect the man for being interested in HER, not sex. A couple begins to grow and connect through mutual respect for each other.
kpl Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 actually, not absurd at all. in fact, men are biologically/instinctually programmed to hunt the way that women biologically tend to be nurturing. Obviously, this is NOT true in every situation (I know I'll still get flagged for suggesting there are some innate gender roles though, and that's fine). For women, allowing men to pursue them and work for their affection actually sets up a positive relationship dynamic. Men have to earn their respect, their time, sexual intimacy. In return a woman will respect the man for being interested in HER, not sex. A couple begins to grow and connect through mutual respect for each other. I just don't know if I actually buy this. I know its a thing ppl say, but I don't know how much sense this makes to me, it seems one sided. I feel like I respect for all ppl through their actions, do they do what they say, do they live a life of integrity do they respect me and share my values and I would imagine men do the same. this is how those relationships ppl have who do end up sleeping with someone on the first date work. It wasn't about the chase, the person demonstrated they were ppl of value who happen to enjoy sex. 1
Author Nemetona Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Pretty much my whole life I've heard various guys over the years saying exactly what GuyOutThere wrote. That they don't see a girl as girlfriend or long term relationship material if she sleeps with them too quickly. And a lot of them gave the same reason - 'if she'll do it with me, she's done it with others.' One guy even said that women who do that are the 'fun' girls but they're not the type he'd bring home to meet his mother. I believe this to be true of many men. I also think -- and this is controversial I know -- that many women lie to themselves about how they really feel about casual sex. You see many of them complaining, even right here on LS, about how the guy who banged them for the night is now not replying to their messages and they can get quite obsessive about it. The next minute they are saying that they are cool with no strings attached sex. The best thing is to be completely honest with ourselves. If you repeatedly have one night stands that result in you obsessing over the guy and being sad when he doesn't want more from you, then you are not really OK with it are you? 4
Author Nemetona Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Why should a man treat a woman like crap? Especially after doing something intimate together. Why should a man ever treat a woman like crap (or why should a woman ever treat a man like crap)? Why is that ever ok? It's not OK but it's reality, unfortunately. I wish people would face up to this reality. 1
Shining One Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 For women, allowing men to pursue them and work for their affection actually sets up a positive relationship dynamic. Men have to earn their respect, their time, sexual intimacy. In return a woman will respect the man for being interested in HER, not sex. A couple begins to grow and connect through mutual respect for each other.The only part I agree with is that mutual respect is required for a successful relationship. I disagree with what generates that respect. Treating sex as something that must be "earned" is turning it into a commodity. I don't see why I should respect women who have a checklist of things I must do before she will gift me with sexual intimacy. I have far more respect for a woman who sleeps with me on the first date simply because she wanted to sleep with me. 4
smackie9 Posted September 30, 2015 Posted September 30, 2015 I have far more respect for a woman who sleeps with me on the first date simply because she wanted to sleep with me. Unfortunately few men believe this.
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