Close cousin/best friend putting the moves on my sister-in-law... OK?

[PappyBoyington]

I have a question regarding relationship dynamics with a family. I am recently married, and have a male cousin who I have been very close with all my life (like a best friend and a brother). He's a good guy and always there in a pinch for me, but I don't necessarily agree with his views on women and the way he treats the one's he's "involved" with. Recently, my cousin has been expressing and pursuing an interest in my new sister-in-law, who I am very fond of and think of just like a real sister. We all hang out on weekends, but now he's starting to do stuff with her away from the group, buying her meals and gifts, and is totally changing his attitude when she's around. He's very smitten with her, but at this point they are "officially" still friends. My wife and I confronted him on this expressing our belief that him pursuing a romantic relationship with our sister is inappropriate. To my wife and I, it's just a train wreck waiting to happen... If things go bad, it is really going to upset the family dynamic... I mean, they're BOTH family to us and should be to each other to some extent I would think. My wife and I really want to put a stop to his advances but he has basically told us it's none of our concern and that they are both adults. This is true, but I just don't want to stand idley by and watch my new sis potentially get hurt.

 

To add to the concern, this is my second marriage, and my cousin did the same thing to my sister-in-law from the first marriage not long after I was wed. They had sex (mutual decision), then he stopped calling her and answering her calls because she started becoming too "possessive". That caused a rift in my family and a lot of trouble for me when it happened, but the families lived in seperate states and didn't see each other much, plus to be honest I was not nearly as attached to my ex sis-in-law as I am my new one (for reasons I'd rather not get into). So, hopefully that's a reasonably objective description of the issue at hand.

 

Looking for any comments, advice, etc. My main question is, are my wife and I right in believing that this is an inappropriate scenario and that my cousin should under no circumstances pursue my sister-in-law? Thanks to everyone for any info.

[Pocky]

Originally posted by PappyBoyington

Looking for any comments, advice, etc. My main question is, are my wife and I right in believing that this is an inappropriate scenario and that my cousin should under no circumstances pursue my sister-in-law? Thanks to everyone for any info.

 

While they're not family by blood just the idea of my cousin hitting on my brother-in-law causes me to cringe. The last thing I'd want to do is get involved in even more family drama! I can understand your preference in not wanting your cousin to pursue your sister-in-law, but in all honesty they are both adults and capable of making their own decisions.

 

If I were you, I'd sit him down, tell him your feelings and explain why you feel it's inappropriate. And I'd have your wife tell her sister the truth about his cousin and how he behaves in relationships (just make sure it really is the truth). After you've done that, there's not much else you can do except stand by and watch to see what happens. Hopefully, they both will come to realize that it's not the most ideal situation to be in and redirect their interests to someone that's not already a family member.

[westernxer]

My cousin got married to a sister-in-law, and everything's great. They've been trying to set me up with the other one for years...

 

Notice I said "years." That says enough about my feelings for her.