My gf confronted me with lying about my whole personality, but not dumping me? Why

[wre55]

Hello everyone. I really hope she or her friends will never run across this forum, because I badly need some advice. I'll start from the beginning.

 

I've been knowing this girl for like 7 months now and officially dating for 5 months. We had a very passionate relationship, grown from casual talking and friendship. She said she has fallen deeply in love with me, and is considering me to be the only person who can make her happy on the whole earth. I had almost quit our relationship a few times, then she would say it's gonna be impossible to forget me and she'll be waiting for me to come back. So I have always been back after like 3 days after a breakup.

 

At first I didn't really plan things like marriage so I made all this mess with my last name and told her the one that was nowhere near my own. It doesn't really make any logic but I anyway done it. At our official three months I got involved into a car accident, where I was broken and trapped in coma. We had a date planned and when I didn't show up she panicked and asked her police-friend to find me and tell her where I am. She gave out my fake data and that's when the truth was revealed. When I woke up I checked out her social network (we had exchanged passwords) where I learned that she is aware of me lying and thinks I'm a sick weirdo who just used her for sex and then dumped like this. I didn't really know what to do and thought I would just never ever contact her again. I was completely ashamed of my lie and couldn't man up and admit to her what a jerk I am.

 

I was really sad, so I logged on to my profile and started to delete friends. Okay I had my head crashed so I couldn't really think normally. For some reason I thought she won't notice I'm online busy with blocking her. She contacted me from fake profile and said I'm a freak and she doesn't know how can anyone be so cruel. I told her about the car accident about my head injury about being in hospital and somehow she forgave me. She was asking why would I lie about my name and I said I have a special reasons for doing that. She believed and said she can wait till I'll tell her my real name and all the reasons that made me lie. Actually I had no reasons and no explanations , so I just told her I want to break up. That was a very bad time for both of us. She said she's not gonna love anyone after me because I'm a special one and it's impossible to love anyeone else. I told her we won't be together because I'm sick and I see stuff (I really do). I told her I also lost my job. She said she doesn't care about money and needs me as sick as I am. We were back together.

 

I still wanted to break up with her because I felt how her attitude for me changed. She's now become rude. We couldn't really talk normally as she would always remind me of my lies and say that I should be thanking god every day she's here. I decided to dump her because I couldn't handle this with all of my problems, she would make my mood fall down the rock every day. She also found out something about my past that is a big fat red flag for her and makes her scared. She said she needs time to figure out things and she only will talk to me when I tell truth about who I am.

 

I said we'll be never back together. But on the next day she contacted me and told she can't live without me so she wants us back and she won't remind me of my crap.We were back again. Later I showed her my id card but never gave her explanations of why I lied. Things changed a lot she was now as passionate as before. Then I started to make mistakes which would almost lead us to a breakup (like spending nights out etc). Suddenly she got problems with her finances so I told her I'd help and give money ( a really big amount of money). That's when she changed. She would forgive me everything. Not coming home, not calling her for days, saying bad things, lying. Yes I lied her at some stupid things and she confronted me. I got an impression she's with me because of my money. A week ago I got into hospital again, and while I was there her friend did a reasearch on me , on my ex and everything at all. That's now a very confusing story but it seemed like I lied to her about my personality again (which I did not) but still they found out something that I lied about.

I thought she will dump me for real now. Which she did not. She sent me a hate message saying how much I disgust her and how she doesn't want to be knowing me anymore. Yet now she says I do not disgust her and if it was her who did a reasearch not her friend she wouldn't confront me and call me names like her friend did. When she was drunk she said she still wants to marry me. I actually love her and want to stay with her, but I think she's lying now and the reason is money. It can't be so blind love can it? Last night she told me about another lie that I did and I'm like very ashamed to talk to her. I still didn't reply although she said she doesn't blame and wouldn't tell me she knows the truth if I didn't ask to. But I don't know how we can be together after all of the crap I did. How can she love me still. Looks like a lie although she's quite convincing.

 

So what do you think. Is she going for the money or should I really try it again with her.

 

ps true story not trolling

[lovel]

Firstly I'm sorry about your accident and I'm glad you're okay.

 

Are you *still* giving her money or was that a one time thing? I think that detail might help put things into context a bit, though I am having a hard time wrapping my head around why she hasn't left yet, and this is coming from a woman who has a pretty high tolerance for BS when I truly love a man (though I do call him out on it).

 

I know this isn't what your question is about, but I don't understand why you lied about your name and all the other stuff to begin with. You said there's no logic behind it, but what prompted you to lie? Was it just compulsive or a means to keep her at an arm's length or what?

 

Asking because I dated someone like that before. Lied about his middle name, his home, and other really random stuff he didn't even have to lie about. He said he didn't know why he lied either, but felt horrible when things started getting serious. Still, no explanation or logic, as you said. I just don't get it.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am sorry to hear of your accident, OP. That must've been a terrible mess.

 

However, it sounds like neither of you is really ready for a relationship - at least not with each other. How old are you both? It sounds like an awful lot of drama for such a young relationship. You said you almost walked away a few times before. And she told you that you are the only person on Earth that makes her happy. Do you not see an unhealthy dynamic here? Clearly something isn't working between you two. It doesn't sound like a very happy or loving situation.

 

And despite what you tell her, there is a reason you lied, unless this is something pathological. And I would have a very hard time overlooking a lie like that because it would indicate that you are not transparent and easily deceive people. You can see now what a bad idea that was, because she also believes you've lied about other things. Why wouldn't she think that? You claim not to know why you lied before, which is almost worse because it means you could very well do it again. And you have. What's with all the dishonesty?

 

And yes, I think now she is still there because you gave her money. She won't stick around for long if you mistreat her as much as you say you do.