amys4304 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Hi everyone. I'm looking for some support, encouragement. I'm a 32 year old female. Recently broken up with my boyfriend of 10 years. This relationship has been on and off from the start. We didn't fight, we didn't communicate, instead we broke up. I can honestly say in the past 5 of 10 years I was no longer in love with him. I loved him but it was more like a friend. He was truly my best friend. When we met he was married, but living sepreate from his wife and "headed for divorce". Year after year past and still no divorce. I wasn't a secret and again the lived sepreate lives. I wanted him to get a divorce and grew very tired of it not happening. All the times we broke up (instead of just communicating) he would always be the one coming back to me. Multiple times I felt 100% ready to move on, but would go back to him because it was comfortable. I went on a date here and there on our breaks, but always ended up back with him. I recently realized that I change when I'm with him. I feel like a piece of me shuts down we I go back to him. We break up again. But this time he doesn't call. He isn't trying to get back to me. I started noticing a girl posting flirtatious stuff on his Facebook page. I finally confront him and he tells me he slept with her. Since finding out last week I've tried every senerio to try and hey him back. I was the bitch, I was the pathetic begger, I was the remorseful angel. Nothing worked. He is 17 years older than me. I'm 32 and he's 49. This girl he slept with is 29 and honestly looks 16. Not attractive at all. I can not stop thinking about him. I'm sick to my stomach, can't eat, can't sleep, barely functioning at work and I'm a critical care nurse. I look back on the past 5-6 years and hear myself saying over and over again that I'm not I love with this man, I don't enjoy sex with him, I'm missing out on life, etc. but now I feel like I'm dying. I can't stop sending text, emails, stalking his facebook, her Facebook. I don't know what to do. My family is saying be thankful that finally something happened to stop this ugly cycle, but I want the ugly cycle to continue. I can't imagine him not in my life. I'm writing this and I feel like I'm going to explode in pain. I'm scared to journal, I'm scared to read about breakup advice, I'm scared to even talk about this outloud because when I do breakdown I want to die, it feels like torture. I feel like a child. A baby! Pathetic. Emotional and mentally sick. What has happened to me in my life that my emotions are so fu**ed up. What healthy being spends 6 years being unhappy in a relationship and then breaks down when it finally ends. I have a good life and good career, but I guess zero self worth
MrReborn Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I'm sorry for what happened to you, and as hard as it may seem, you need to let it go. Heartbreak isn't fun as it does induce physical pain, but sending him texts, listening to his "experiences", and checking his Facebook is only deepening the wound. It sounds like that he was the center of your happiness, you need to take time to grieve and do the things you love in order to rekindle that happiness that you have once lost. It will take some time and it's not easy to deal with. Use this negative experience and correct it, as failure is my most favorite teacher in live. That will lead you to a better lifestyle and allow you to move on quicker than usual. Take some time to yourself, as you're a great person and deserve nothing but the best. Have a good one. 1
Seth0194 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 You are going through a withdraw stage, Almost like a drug addict who is breaking from the drug of choice. Drug addict knows they are bad but when they try to break from it they go back, not uncommon in break ups. Get some exercise, see if your work offers some one you can talk too, alot of places now has someone on retainer for such things. Do things different then you use too, do not keep the same routine you did when you were with him. Block all Social Media (DONT VISIT it for any reason at all, block him so you are not tempted to look in and see, not healthy. Last take the time to grieve, even though you may not of felt much for him, he was part of your life, part of your routine, you were comfortable in it and now all has changed and you had no control over it. Give it time, and use these forums as a way to express emotions, no one here knows you so let lose. Best of Luck. 2
Qboro90 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Call your phone company provider and request that they block your ex's number from contacting you and also ask if they are able to prevent messages/calls to go through from your phone to his. Then go to your parents house.... Log onto your Facebook and have your mom or go to a trusted friends and go to settings, block both your ex and the girl he's sleeping with and require a password in order to unblock them.... Leave the room and let your mom or friend enter that password so that you are literally unable to view their lives on social media. Protect yourself from yourself at this point. This man isn't the one for you and you knew that for 6 years. Never forget that you were not happy and not in love with him when you had him. You're upset because he's not crippled by losing you and appears to be seeing other women and moved on. Having no control over that is manifesting itself as jealousy and irrational thoughts that you want him back. And viewing people's fb or social media is just self torture. People convey what they want others to see and think their lives are like based on what their profile or pics show.... Yet we all know that in most cases that person or that relationship is rittled with problems and abuse. Don't start thinking that he suddenly became the man you always thought he could be or the man you fell in love with initially. He hasn't changed and she's not getting someone that you did all the work to deserve. Keep reminding yourself of the 6 years you felt no love, spend time with your child and utilize you're time by staying busy. And honestly... In your line of work it's essential for you to be focused. If you are unable to do so 100% then you risk making a mistake that could cost someone their life or health. If you need time off then do so but find s therapist to speak with rather than sitting at home and wallowing in sadness. Best of luck
Meli22 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 You didn't love him and the fact that he's not begging you back is hurting your ego. Keep reminding yourself of that. You're going to be fine once you get over the initial shock 1
Author amys4304 Posted September 30, 2015 Author Posted September 30, 2015 Wow. Thank you all for replying. Having a support system is so important. It's crazy how the pain comes in waves. Sometime I feel great, excited about this huge change in my life. I think to myself, I'm going to stay single and learn to really love myself. Find out what I really want in life and love. Which him well, pray for his happiness. In them moments I feel like the pain of the breakup is done. "Ahhhhh I finally see the truth." Then the pain hits again.
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