is NC hurting future relations with new girls

[thunder777]

the NC is well under way, i can see how its the only solution to heal asap

 

you imagine the person is passed away & learn to live without

 

but in the aggression to be refusing to make zero contact with the old girl, are we mutating our instincts to simply be shutdown, and locking our nature to reach out to new people

 

my sense of humour and charisma is unreachable lately, am barely flirtatious and just havent got the energy or spirit to be bothered with the new girls, even though i got 5 or 6 that would easily enjoy my company

 

i can tell they sense it too, "im here, but he's not pouncing on me", that sort of feel to the new connections

 

normally without the knowledge of no contact, id imagine, my eagerness and desire to find anyone new just to desperately move on would be sky high. just wonder if we are surpressing natures normal ways

Edited September 29, 2015 by thunder777

[louxor]

the NC is well under way, i can see how its the only solution to heal asap

 

you imagine the person is passed away & learn to live without

 

but in the aggression to be refusing to make zero contact with the old girl, are we mutating our instincts to simply be shutdown, and locking our nature to reach out to new people

 

my sense of humour and charisma is unreachable lately, am barely flirtatious and just havent got the energy or spirit to be bothered with the new girls, even though i got 5 or 6 that would easily enjoy my company

 

i can tell they sense it too, "im here, but he's not pouncing on me", that sort of feel to the new connections

 

normally without the knowledge of no contact, id imagine, my eagerness and desire to find anyone new just to desperately move on would be sky high. just wonder if we are surpressing natures normal ways

 

Your feelings may be suppressed because well, you have gone NC to help recover from a break up. Maybe you are just not recovered enough to fully enjoy the company of these other girls. That's fine, the whole purpose of NC is to get you to the place where you are comfortable to move on.

 

As for the last sentence - what do you mean? Are you saying you think that if you were still talking to the person you have now gone NC with, that it would somehow positively change the way you feel around other girls at the moment?

[Blanco]

Sounds like NC is forcing you to actually face the pain of your breakup rather than sprinting to the next warm body so that you can avoid experiencing the rough, yet vital process of working through these emotions.

 

In other words, NC is forcing you to handle the post-breakup process wisely instead of with quick fixes.

[Meli22]

It's not lack of contact that's making you feel that way it's the actual break up itself

[theredpill]

It's the actual attachment you hold to the past relationship that keeps the emotions close, the actual break up itself isn't causing any pain whatsoever, just your attachment to it. As we grow older and go through a few relationships and break ups, we understand hey it had it's time and was fun, but there's another one just down the road and it could be even better than the last!

 

 

Younger people don't have this life experience yet and think oh no my world is over and if they see their ex with another partner, it's like... please kill me!!!

 

 

Yes, it can hurt, but you cause this hurt yourself and just like you learned to walk, you can learn to control how emotions control you.

 

 

Life is so short, my breakup is less than 3 months ago and I'm having the time of my feckin life, doing all the things that scare me and my ex who I bumped into recently is proper mad bruh because I'm polite but don't want to talk to her

 

 

Remember, if they broke up with you, it's their decision not to risk a relationship with you and if they won't offer you romance, they don't get to be your friend, they don't make you happy, you do and when you get to this place, amazing things happen and you won't even care in 6 months, unless you do absolutely nothing to grow yourself )

Edited September 29, 2015 by theredpill

[thunder777]

im 35 ive had about 4 big relationships i not lacking wisdom

 

i like that i came across the no contact theory ive learnt so much being on here, and yes its better than diving into quick fixes

 

if i had more work and money i would be on dates with these other girl already

 

but i just wonder that some people on here dedicate their new lives to no contact and wake up everyday consumed by the "idea" or thought in their head that "nup not contacting u again today" even 6 months on their lives are too busy with this rather than saying "im contacting other girls"

[Meli22]

im 35 ive had about 4 big relationships i not lacking wisdom

 

i like that i came across the no contact theory ive learnt so much being on here, and yes its better than diving into quick fixes

 

if i had more work and money i would be on dates with these other girl already

 

but i just wonder that some people on here dedicate their new lives to no contact and wake up everyday consumed by the "idea" or thought in their head that "nup not contacting u again today" even 6 months on their lives are too busy with this rather than saying "im contacting other girls"

 

Well no because we, well I, don't think of it that way. It's more of a "I have nothing to say and no reason to contact you, and also no desire to get set back."

 

I don't see how that would affect future relationships. Unless of course there are things that have been left unsaid and it's distracting you. I felt that way a few months back and I did reach out. I'm glad I did too.

[Seth0194]

the NC is well under way, i can see how its the only solution to heal asap

 

you imagine the person is passed away & learn to live without

 

but in the aggression to be refusing to make zero contact with the old girl, are we mutating our instincts to simply be shutdown, and locking our nature to reach out to new people

 

my sense of humour and charisma is unreachable lately, am barely flirtatious and just havent got the energy or spirit to be bothered with the new girls, even though i got 5 or 6 that would easily enjoy my company

 

i can tell they sense it too, "im here, but he's not pouncing on me", that sort of feel to the new connections

 

normally without the knowledge of no contact, id imagine, my eagerness and desire to find anyone new just to desperately move on would be sky high. just wonder if we are surpressing natures normal ways

 

I just think you are not ready to move on just yet you have some feelings. I went out on couple dates, had fun but came to terms I am not really ready just yet to date. Time heals all.

[thunder777]

would u almost have to mention to new dates that hey ive recently split from another less than a month ago so sorry if i seem a bit flat at times but would really like to get to know you

 

i know sharing such information is a turn off, but its also being up front and honest?

[Meli22]

would u almost have to mention to new dates that hey ive recently split from another less than a month ago so sorry if i seem a bit flat at times but would really like to get to know you

 

i know sharing such information is a turn off, but its also being up front and honest?

 

If someone said that to me on a first date they wouldn't be getting a second date

[thunder777]

it is just total bs, that 3 weeks on here i am, far far away from someone who hopefully i will never see again but yet the majority of my days are still consumed by an idiot from the past

 

60% of my days thoughts probably are still containing her whether i like it or not, its just totally ridiculous considering im the one who moved on from her

 

any chance i get to converse with new girls, no no im only allowing 3 sentences a day cos we dont wanna go overflooding the new friendship too soon, little bit of the cookie at a time

 

all because im hypnotised or sumsh#t by the ex who is completely irrelevant to me now lol

[Meli22]

3 weeks is nothing

[mightycpa]

im 35 ive had about 4 big relationships i not lacking wisdom

 

i like that i came across the no contact theory ive learnt so much being on here, and yes its better than diving into quick fixes

 

if i had more work and money i would be on dates with these other girl already

 

but i just wonder that some people on here dedicate their new lives to no contact and wake up everyday consumed by the "idea" or thought in their head that "nup not contacting u again today" even 6 months on their lives are too busy with this rather than saying "im contacting other girls"

You seem to be lacking a little wisdom about this situation you find yourself in. When you first breakup, assuming the breakup devastates you, you're going through the withdrawals of addiction. Your brain starts secreting the breakup brain chemicals and the obsession begins. If NC is selected as the strategy, then yes, every day, you're like

 

nup not contacting u again today

 

and that's where most of your energy goes. How quickly you get over that depends on you. The trick is to deal with your emotions, and also to do things that make you secrete happy brain chemicals to combat the breakup brain chemicals. This would include stuff like:

 

1) Feeling the pain and negative emotions, studying the way you feel, naming these feelings, and describing them like a third party might. This desensitizes you.

 

2) Studying your attraction, like listing the reasons why your ex is the greatest thing since sliced toast. What you'll find is that if you can be honest with yourself, they're not all that special. You might even figure out that you didn't really know her all that well to begin with, and that you weren't all that happy either. This is the part where a lot of people learn how to tell themselves the truth.

 

3) Exercise, particularly running, spills loads of good chemicals into your system.

 

4) Being with people, not sitting around, but doing things socially does wonders for your brain chemistry. This includes new girls, even if it doesn't feel like it at first.

 

5) Being touched also makes your brain squirt happy chemicals... whether that's a new girl, or a massage, your brain doesn't care.

 

6) Helping other people somehow is good for you too.

 

If you're not doing these things, but instead are just sitting around moping and pining away, in six months, you will have made little progress and you may even condition yourself to feel these feelings whenever you think about her, for the rest of your life.

 

So that's the difference. Like everything else, if you take charge and do something to improve your situation, your situation will improve. If you let it happen to you, you're going to be miserable.

[kevin smithy]

the NC is well under way, i can see how its the only solution to heal asap

 

you imagine the person is passed away & learn to live without

 

but in the aggression to be refusing to make zero contact with the old girl, are we mutating our instincts to simply be shutdown, and locking our nature to reach out to new people

 

my sense of humour and charisma is unreachable lately, am barely flirtatious and just havent got the energy or spirit to be bothered with the new girls, even though i got 5 or 6 that would easily enjoy my company

 

i can tell they sense it too, "im here, but he's not pouncing on me", that sort of feel to the new connections

 

normally without the knowledge of no contact, id imagine, my eagerness and desire to find anyone new just to desperately move on would be sky high. just wonder if we are surpressing natures normal ways

 

 

things like this happens. i know exactly what your saying. but what helps me is sumn idk if you participate. but i drink when i go out with girls. it kinda kills the tense feeling and you get alot more brave. screw your ex, N.C does make you feel this way but its better than talking t an ex. so be the way you were before and go get em.