cessna Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 This is something I think about a lot. As someone who really struggles to even get a date this question may be totally academic but it's one I often think about. Being in love is to give someone else the power to break your heart and hurt you greatly emotionally. So is it really worth falling in love in the first place place? Most of the relationships we have in life are failures. If you're single right now every relationship you've been in has been a failure and if you've been in at least three relationships in your lifetime by definition the majority have been failures. So is it worth just living your life alone and sparing your heart getting broken? I'm beginning to see that as a very sensible and real option. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 It depends on if you think the highs are worth the lows. What goes up must come down. Love either comes down in a fiery crash, or settles into something more companion-like and peaceful. That initial intoxicating honeymoon can't last though. After every heartbreak, I swear I'll never allow myself to be so vulnerable again. Yet I do, to the same results. I am the living definition of insanity. But I'll take it. It's better than living bitter and cold the rest of my life.
Author cessna Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 It depends on if you think the highs are worth the lows. What goes up must come down. Love either comes down in a fiery crash, or settles into something more companion-like and peaceful. That initial intoxicating honeymoon can't last though. After every heartbreak, I swear I'll never allow myself to be so vulnerable again. Yet I do, to the same results. I am the living definition of insanity. But I'll take it. It's better than living bitter and cold the rest of my life. But do you have to live bitter and cold the rest of your life though? You're not either in love or bitter and lonely. You can be on your own for the rest of your life and happy.
Jules Dash Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 It's totally worth it. Being in love makes you feel alive. It is worth the risk. The loss is greater if you try to avoid it. I grew up being scared to fall in love and trying to maneuver myself around a heartbreak. It made me avoid commitment. Once it finally caught up to me, it hit me like a huge slab of concrete. I wish I had just lived my life not afraid of falling in love. It would have made things so much easier and in the end, time heals the potential wound and you will still have that special memory of being in love. There is nothing like it.
Jules Dash Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 But do you have to live bitter and cold the rest of your life though? You're not either in love or bitter and lonely. You can be on your own for the rest of your life and happy. If you can be alone and happy, more power to you but most people can't. I thought I could live alone until I made it to 40. Then I was like "hell no." 1
newmoon Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 psychologically, the accepted school of thought, is that you cannot achieve your greatest self without love. you are not a full person alone, because in a love relationship you become who you really are and show qualities and characteristics that are otherwise dormant. we are social beings and made for others, whether you love another partner or just another person very closely. you need a love relationship in your life, although it's ok if it's not intimate. that's why so many single people still want children - they can achieve a higher love and soul purpose through a child. so, you need love, in some human form
Satu Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 “I have given no definition of love. This is impossible, because there is no higher principle by which it could be defined. It is life itself in its actual unity. The forms and structures in which love embodies itself are the forms and structures in which love overcomes its self-destructive forces.” ― Paul Tillich
carhill Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 While I'm content with not loving anybody in particular at this point in time and enjoying the friendships that I have I don't see that my marriage or past relationships were failures because they ended, rather one path of life that occurred and upon which I made some good memories along the way I wouldn't trade for anything. I tend to view love as a journey rather than a destination or achievement. Journeys have ebbs and flows and IMO it's the journey which has value and meaning, not any specific aspect of it. 3
Author cessna Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 It's totally worth it. Being in love makes you feel alive. It is worth the risk. The loss is greater if you try to avoid it. That's the problem though. You can't make someone fall in love with you just in the same way you can't make someone stay in love with you. No matter what you do you can't control someone else's feelings and emotions. I was with my ex for three great years until she decided she didn't want to be with me anymore for no real reason within my control.
Satu Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Nothing comes with a guarantee of future continuity. The solution is to live in the present, enjoying what you have whilst you have it. 1
shet Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I've never had a relationship I could say involved love - if you accept love means two people loving each other, not just one. I've loved a couple times myself, never had it returned. So I don't know for sure. I do know that I'm a pragmatic but emotionally fragile man so I usually shield myself from emotional harm at any cost. An example would be, that despite growing up with pets, I have no interest in owning one myself as an independent adult; the pain when they inevitably die or must be put down simply isn't worth it as far as I'm concerned, even if they live long and bring much joy. This is also why I'm rigidly against casual sex or FWB type arrangements; I know I am not equipped to handle such things, I would develop feelings and expectations and it wouldn't end well for anyone. My experience of other people so far is that by the time married or serious couples don't want to be with each other any more, they've fallen out of love for some time anyway and don't exactly experience heartbreak. Heartbreak is for the early days of a relationship, when everything is more raw. It's a risk you take if you're going to be out there. I've had 2 major life wrecking instances of it and numerous smaller ones. But I am still trying. Perhaps I will have to give up in ten years but for now I'm willing to try.
Jules Dash Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 That's the problem though. You can't make someone fall in love with you just in the same way you can't make someone stay in love with you. No matter what you do you can't control someone else's feelings and emotions. I was with my ex for three great years until she decided she didn't want to be with me anymore for no real reason within my control. I understand this line of thinking very well but it's really not about controlling someone else's feeling. I know this is seen as more of a safe way of being in love but people fall in love and out of it and that is just the way it is. Once you no longer fear falling in love, it is a great sense of freedom not unlike finally forgiving someone who held a grudge against for many years. Holding the grudge hurts you more than anyone. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I understand the struggle. Pouring everything you have into someone only to have your heart shattered for whatever reasons makes it very hard to pick up the pieces and think love is worth this huge gamble. I think it is despite having had my heart broken a number of times. For me, it's about perspective. A much bigger picture is at play here. Yes, when you're in the throws of a heartbreak it's almost impossible to see or think clearly and that's perfectly okay. When you've loved another and it's over you need the time and space to grieve but at some point you will need to pick yourself up and move forward with your life. I'm a firm believer that everyone, and I mean everyone, who enters our lives are there for a reason. Even the worst of the worst. They're there to either help us change or for our presence to change them and always to teach us more about ourselves. There is always a lesson to be learned from every relationship no matter how good or bad and hopefully those lessons help us become better versions of ourselves. If you take the time to review your past relationships and especially if you're honest with yourself you will likely see things you either never did before or denied for whatever reasons. I don't know your relationship so it's hard to help you analyze it and point out some of the potential lessons that might have come out of it but they're there whether you want to believe in it or not. In the end, love is definitely worth it. To love someone and to be loved back for however long or short is the essence of life. I can't even imagine deliberately choosing to never experience that for fear of getting hurt. 1
Woggle Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 It is very much worth it but most modern relationships have little if anything to do with love. 2
edgygirl Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I agree with all your post but I am so tired of the learning... when will I graduate? I want my degree already! (...) I'm a firm believer that everyone, and I mean everyone, who enters our lives are there for a reason. Even the worst of the worst. They're there to either help us change or for our presence to change them and always to teach us more about ourselves. There is always a lesson to be learned from every relationship no matter how good or bad and hopefully those lessons help us become better versions of ourselves. 2
kilgore Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I agree with all your post but I am so tired of the learning... when will I graduate? I want my degree already! No one ever does just mistakes, learning, mistakes, learning...
Mrlonelyone Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I don't agree with you Cessna. The truth is even if it works out well it still will end in heart break. The best outcome is they marry you and are with you until death. So at best it ends at death of one of you. The best outcome is profound heartbreak even for those who are in relationships.
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