jefermelesyeux Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Hey everybody. Here's my latest situation. I've been dating a very nice Canadian gent since late August. Mind you, I'm in the States, though in Buffalo, NY. We are about a 40-minute drive apart, so I hardly consider this to be 'long distance.' But that's besides the point. Regardless of distance, this is still technically an international relationship. We use an app to be able to call each other for free, but in the beginning, we racked up his phone bill quite high by making standard phone calls. I was always the recipient, so my bill hasn't skyrocketed. However, his is some $160 extra. That said, on Saturday his phone was suspended due to nonpayment. I knew it was coming; we spoke on Thursday about it and I was going to try to help him out since I contributed, but I wasn't financially able to. We haven't talked since Friday and it's been tough for me; I just feel so disconnected from him. I don't have his email address, and he doesn't have social media, so I'm at a loss here. I can only hope he gets it straightened out sooner than later. He's supposed to come stay with me this upcoming weekend, but we've yet to iron out the details, so each day that passes without contact is a day I'm a bit more worried. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How'd it work out? How'd you cope? Thanks!
No_Go Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 You have only his phone as a contact option? If you have exchanged Skype, Handouts etc it would be easy to reach him. 40 min drive is nothing, if you're close, you could just drive to see him, but I'm afraid it is not the case... Maybe he's fading...hopefully not but be ready for it. Hey everybody. Here's my latest situation. I've been dating a very nice Canadian gent since late August. Mind you, I'm in the States, though in Buffalo, NY. We are about a 40-minute drive apart, so I hardly consider this to be 'long distance.' But that's besides the point. Regardless of distance, this is still technically an international relationship. We use an app to be able to call each other for free, but in the beginning, we racked up his phone bill quite high by making standard phone calls. I was always the recipient, so my bill hasn't skyrocketed. However, his is some $160 extra. That said, on Saturday his phone was suspended due to nonpayment. I knew it was coming; we spoke on Thursday about it and I was going to try to help him out since I contributed, but I wasn't financially able to. We haven't talked since Friday and it's been tough for me; I just feel so disconnected from him. I don't have his email address, and he doesn't have social media, so I'm at a loss here. I can only hope he gets it straightened out sooner than later. He's supposed to come stay with me this upcoming weekend, but we've yet to iron out the details, so each day that passes without contact is a day I'm a bit more worried. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How'd it work out? How'd you cope? Thanks!
Author jefermelesyeux Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 You have only his phone as a contact option? If you have exchanged Skype, Handouts etc it would be easy to reach him. 40 min drive is nothing, if you're close, you could just drive to see him, but I'm afraid it is not the case... Maybe he's fading...hopefully not but be ready for it. What exactly is Handouts? Never heard of it. Unfortunately, his phone is my only contact option. I could just be naive, but I highly doubt he's fading. The circumstance with his phone bill I know to be quite legitimate. Also, it's absolutely feasible for me to drive up and see him, but I'd feel bad showing up unannounced, without being able to tell him I'm coming. Another piece of information I left out of my original post: I've got a key to his apartment. I know that sounds strange after only a month of dating, but he gave it to me to prove he was serious about us dating. Anyway, my point is that if I knew when he'd be home, I could drive up so we could talk and it would alleviate the stress a bit. But I don't. Maybe I'll pen a letter and attach it to his door knob. Nothing says romance like a piece of snail mail on stationery, right? Lol
ExpatInItaly Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Not much you can do until his phone is re-activated. When it is, I would highly recommend you use What's App or Viber, both of which can be accessed through WI-FI. So even if his number isn't working, he could find a wireless hotspot and try to connect that way. 1
katiegrl Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 (edited) Hey everybody. Here's my latest situation. I've been dating a very nice Canadian gent since late August. Mind you, I'm in the States, though in Buffalo, NY. We are about a 40-minute drive apart, so I hardly consider this to be 'long distance.' But that's besides the point. Regardless of distance, this is still technically an international relationship. We use an app to be able to call each other for free, but in the beginning, we racked up his phone bill quite high by making standard phone calls. I was always the recipient, so my bill hasn't skyrocketed. However, his is some $160 extra. That said, on Saturday his phone was suspended due to nonpayment. I knew it was coming; we spoke on Thursday about it and I was going to try to help him out since I contributed, but I wasn't financially able to. We haven't talked since Friday and it's been tough for me; I just feel so disconnected from him. I don't have his email address, and he doesn't have social media, so I'm at a loss here. I can only hope he gets it straightened out sooner than later. He's supposed to come stay with me this upcoming weekend, but we've yet to iron out the details, so each day that passes without contact is a day I'm a bit more worried. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How'd it work out? How'd you cope? Thanks! Have you ever actually met in person? 40 minutes is nothing, I used to drive that to/from my job every single day for five years. Why do you not have each other's email? How about Facebook? Strange that this happens right before he is supposed to come for a visit....hmmmm. Something is very off about this....and I agree with previous poster. Anyway, he may be fading .... be prepared for that. Sorry. Edited September 28, 2015 by katiegrl 1
No_Go Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 My spelling mistake - it is Hangouts - a Google chat application (you may make also phone/video calls for free with it). Actually the idea for a letter is cool - since you know his address you can even write one now and send it (with your e-mails, Skype etc n it ), or if you drive - attach it to the knob indeed. What exactly is Handouts? Never heard of it. Unfortunately, his phone is my only contact option. I could just be naive, but I highly doubt he's fading. The circumstance with his phone bill I know to be quite legitimate. Also, it's absolutely feasible for me to drive up and see him, but I'd feel bad showing up unannounced, without being able to tell him I'm coming. Another piece of information I left out of my original post: I've got a key to his apartment. I know that sounds strange after only a month of dating, but he gave it to me to prove he was serious about us dating. Anyway, my point is that if I knew when he'd be home, I could drive up so we could talk and it would alleviate the stress a bit. But I don't. Maybe I'll pen a letter and attach it to his door knob. Nothing says romance like a piece of snail mail on stationery, right? Lol 1
gaius Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 He might just not be very good at planning ahead. If he didn't look into rates and figure out if he could actually afford it before he spent all that time on the phone with you I could see him not comprehending figuring out another way to get in touch until it was too late. Even if he does get back in touch that level of dunderhead should be worrisome. =/
katiegrl Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 He might just not be very good at planning ahead. If he didn't look into rates and figure out if he could actually afford it before he spent all that time on the phone with you I could see him not comprehending figuring out another way to get in touch until it was too late. Even if he does get back in touch that level of dunderhead should be worrisome. =/ gaius, not understanding what you mean by looking into rates. The OP said it's a 40 minute DRIVE apart. Do you mean gas rates?
Author jefermelesyeux Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 Have you ever actually met in person? 40 minutes is nothing, I used to drive that to/from my job every single day for five years. Why do you not have each other's email? How about Facebook? Strange that this happens right before he is supposed to come for a visit....hmmmm. Something is very off about this....and I agree with previous poster. Anyway, he may be fading .... be prepared for that. Sorry. Yes, we've met numerous times. He doesn't have Facebook, and email isn't something I generally think to have for a partner, to be honest. Maybe down the line, sure, but in a new relationship I don't find it necessary since there are easier modes of communication more readily available...at least in theory. I know the timing sounds fishy, but I really don't think he's pulling a fade. It was his idea to come for a visit and we'd been talking about it for a couple weeks. And like I said, I knew the phone cutoff thing was coming. Sure, it's entirely possible that he's fading...but I have reason to believe he's not.
pteromom Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I have an uneasy feeling about this one. Have you met him in person? Have you been to HIS place? Even know his address? Have you SEEN him in person? My gut instinct on this is that the key he gave you isn't really to his place, that his phone really isn't being disconnected, and that he is actually married or living with someone. But hopefully you can answer the questions and prove me wrong.
GunslingerRoland Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 It's his own fault there are plenty of unlimited cross North America plans you can get. My question is, if you are in a cross border relationship though with someone who goes broke over a $160 phone bill, and can't manage his account well enough to avoid that bill in the first place... how are you going to get on the same side of the border. I know cross border couples who've spent years and tens of thousands in legal fees to try and get one person the right papers to move across the border. 40 minutes isn't far, you are right. But for all intents and purposes you'd might as well be across the world if you want to be more serious than casual dating ever. 2
kendahke Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 gaius, not understanding what you mean by looking into rates. The OP said it's a 40 minute DRIVE apart. Do you mean gas rates? International calling rates most likely. 1
pteromom Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Yes, we've met numerous times. Have you been to his place though/ He doesn't have Facebook, and email isn't something I generally think to have for a partner, to be honest. Maybe down the line, sure, but in a new relationship I don't find it necessary since there are easier modes of communication more readily available...at least in theory. ...unless one partner is having his phone disconnected, in which case, you'd think he'd want to stay in contact SOMEHOW. Facebook, Skype, email, something! I know the timing sounds fishy, but I really don't think he's pulling a fade. It was his idea to come for a visit and we'd been talking about it for a couple weeks. And like I said, I knew the phone cutoff thing was coming. Sure, it's entirely possible that he's fading...but I have reason to believe he's not. If nothing fishy is happening, and he refuses to speak with you any way except phone, then I guess you have no choice but to wait for him to call you. ??? 1
Author jefermelesyeux Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 I have an uneasy feeling about this one. Have you met him in person? Have you been to HIS place? Even know his address? Have you SEEN him in person? My gut instinct on this is that the key he gave you isn't really to his place, that his phone really isn't being disconnected, and that he is actually married or living with someone. But hopefully you can answer the questions and prove me wrong. Yes, we've met. Yes, I've been to his place several times. He lives alone. Therefore yes, I've seen him in person. I tested the key when he gave it to me and it works like a charm. :-) 1
pteromom Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Yes, we've met. Yes, I've been to his place several times. He lives alone. Therefore yes, I've seen him in person. I tested the key when he gave it to me and it works like a charm. :-) That's good to know!
katiegrl Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 International calling rates most likely. Thank you kendahke! Duh. We can chalk that one up to me having a "blonde moment"... lol
katiegrl Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 That's good to know! Yeah reassuring. At least you know you aren't being catfished.... 1
Author jefermelesyeux Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 Have you been to his place though/ ...unless one partner is having his phone disconnected, in which case, you'd think he'd want to stay in contact SOMEHOW. Facebook, Skype, email, something! If nothing fishy is happening, and he refuses to speak with you any way except phone, then I guess you have no choice but to wait for him to call you. ??? I know it doesn't bode well for him. Unfortunately, he has zero social media. No Facebook. He has my email address, but I don't have his. It is mildly concerning that he hasn't tried to email me, but it's probably that he forgot it, as I never gave it to him in writing, but over the phone.
craw Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 No it wouldn't be called catfishing, because they're a same sex couple from what i've understood. Your bf can change his plan and get long distance through Wind . They're a ****ty company, but they do have an USA plan. Also, why isn't he using the internet to connect with you? Something seems very strange. 1
katiegrl Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 No it wouldn't be called catfishing, because they're a same sex couple from what i've understood. Your bf can change his plan and get long distance through Wind . They're a ****ty company, but they do have an USA plan. Also, why isn't he using the internet to connect with you? Something seems very strange. Same sex couples can't be catfished? Why not? 3
katiegrl Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I know it doesn't bode well for him. Unfortunately, he has zero social media. No Facebook. He has my email address, but I don't have his. It is mildly concerning that he hasn't tried to email me, but it's probably that he forgot it, as I never gave it to him in writing, but over the phone. Well one would think that since he knew beforehand his phone was being disconnected, he would be sure to have your email address... and vice versa. 1
Author jefermelesyeux Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 No it wouldn't be called catfishing, because they're a same sex couple from what i've understood. Your bf can change his plan and get long distance through Wind . They're a ****ty company, but they do have an USA plan. Also, why isn't he using the internet to connect with you? Something seems very strange. Yes, we're both men. He's gotten the unlimited texting plan for an extra $10/month I think he said so we can text freely, and we use an app called Mo+ to be able to call each other freely, so there's really no need to change his plan, I suppose. As per your internet question, I'm not sure. Good question. I've tried calling him a couple times, hoping he'd be free to pick up, but to no avail. I'm pretty sure you can still take incoming calls when your service is only temporarily suspended, no? I don't know.
craw Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Same sex couples can't be catfished? Why not? Mistake! I thought catfished meant that a guy would lure another guy using puss puss and then SURPRISED, but turns out its a generic definition. 1
craw Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Yes, we're both men. He's gotten the unlimited texting plan for an extra $10/month I think he said so we can text freely, and we use an app called Mo+ to be able to call each other freely, so there's really no need to change his plan, I suppose. As per your internet question, I'm not sure. Good question. I've tried calling him a couple times, hoping he'd be free to pick up, but to no avail. I'm pretty sure you can still take incoming calls when your service is only temporarily suspended, no? I don't know. No, if you haven't paid your bill - the phone gets disconnected. He should be contactable through Mo+.
Author jefermelesyeux Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 It's his own fault there are plenty of unlimited cross North America plans you can get. My question is, if you are in a cross border relationship though with someone who goes broke over a $160 phone bill, and can't manage his account well enough to avoid that bill in the first place... how are you going to get on the same side of the border. I know cross border couples who've spent years and tens of thousands in legal fees to try and get one person the right papers to move across the border. 40 minutes isn't far, you are right. But for all intents and purposes you'd might as well be across the world if you want to be more serious than casual dating ever. I get where you're coming from, but it's ~$160 in addition to his normal monthly rate (I don't know what that is). If it were me, I'd go broke too, having a phone bill in excess of $200-$300. So I can understand. Btw, for what it's worth, he's 30 and I'm 24...neither of us is necessarily fully financially stable. But that's fine by me. To be honest, I appreciate your concern for our eventual desire to be living in the same space, but that's not something I'm too worried about right now. Things are still new, and anything can happen. I'm trying not to lend my thoughts too far into the future.
Recommended Posts