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Posted (edited)

Starting off, I met her, we really hit it off and we still get along great.

 

Moving on, we've been together for almost a year now and personally, I think if I am going to be with someone for a long time, my efforts should be towards an end goal of marriage. If It's just for fun, why invest so much in one person.

 

The things that would make me question if she is marriage material is her family and past. Her parents are terrible, mostly her dad though. I could go on for days about this guy, but I'll leave it at burnt out guy in his 60's who drinks and smokes weed all day, lives in an unfinished house because he didn't want to get a job years ago and has been living off of welfare, unemployment, food stamps, disability, and my girlfriends paycheck. He blows all his money on stupid stuff like ostriches and music equipment (Yes, I said ostriches. 14 that died not long after the 15k purchase including supplies). He very deliberately holds his family back eg. not letting my girlfriend work while she lived with him, not letting his wife get a job and being very very very very abusive to his entire family. I'm rambling, but trust me, what I've stated makes him sound like an angel compared to the whole story. The whole family is pretty dysfunctional ranging from all the cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. If I were to have kids with her one day, I would most definitely not want them to be around her family (especially her dad).

 

Now my girlfriend. When I met her, I didn't know she was quite so rough around the edges. She was considering dropping out of college (per her dads advice). She had stopped smoking weed by the time I met her, but picked it up briefly and still talks every once in a while about wanting to pick it up again. She used to be into drugs. Nothing like heroin or meth, but she would breathe in keyboard dusters to get high and such. She had a bit of a promiscuity streak before me. F-buddy and all that stuff. She went to some women's conference with some thousand women or so and only about 20 something college aged. She told me she would behave, didn't text me all day any of the days despite receiving texts from me al the while posting snapchat pictures of her with mimosas and wine (though she claims she was very busy and hard at work the whole time). She ended the night going clubbing with the girls her age. She told me she wouldn't drink too much and would be good. They all got wasted, had guys talking to the group (though they were mostly focusing on the trashiest one) one girl grabbed some guys balls and held onto them while laughing, my girlfriend threw up in the clubs a few times before going back to her hotel room to throw up some more after the clubs closed. She does love her family very much and wants to be very close to them. She still doesn't quite have a plan for her life in general, but is most definitely trying harder in school and going the extra mile, which leads me to the positives.

 

She does treat me well, despite little outbursts of disrespect at times (she has a reputation among her family and co-workers for being pretty disrespectful). She is loyal. I know she cares about me and does want us to last. She is dedicated.I know she talks about smoking weed every once in a while, but I doubt she would ever get into the drug scene like she used to be (still not ok with the weed though). Currently, she is pretty level headed.

 

But anyways, that is my rambling and list of concerns. let me know what you guys think. Again, lasting this long with someone, If I'm going to be investing more of myself into someone, I want to make sure it is a wise investment. My heart is in it but my brain is cautious.

Edited by whodat11
Posted

This is a tough one for you, as I can imagine from your post. To be blunt and give a succinct answer, she's not long-term material.

 

Here is the long version. Even though you say she is loyal, you still are thinking about her promiscuous past, and your concern over her recent conference/party-binging. So that in itself your are contradicting yourself. If you thought she was loyal, you wouldn't be questioning it.

 

Second, she doesn't have any long term goals for her future. She sounds capricious and unreliable. What would happen if there were some financial issues in the relationship? What if she decided not to do her part of the relationship and just smoke weed to escape any problems?

 

Third, she is disrespectful to you. You didn't give an example, but going by that you felt disrespected, it would be unhealthy for you to continue in a relationship with someone that disrespects you. And that disrespect will grow over time, where she may actually just cheat on you for real.

 

Fourth, from your description about her attitude, her lack of goals, her partying, her smoking weed, means you don't respect her yourself. Don't sugar coat it. You don't.

 

Fifth, is this...

 

If I were to have kids with her one day, I would most definitely not want them to be around her family (especially her dad).

She does love her family very much and wants to be very close to them.

 

She wants her family to be part of her life, but you don't. You two don't agree on something that is very important to both of you. Your values are no aligned. There is no point in continuing the relationship. You are better off ending it now, and find someone that aligns with your values.

  • Like 1
Posted

You lost me at the part where she still dreams of smoking weed...

 

IMO, she's a Loser with a capital "L" who is probably trying to sink her teeth into you cuz you will be her "rock" so she can continue to slug along in life and paarrrrtayyy!!!

  • Author
Posted

@Frank2thepoint

My friends have all thrown that out there that she isn't a long term kinda girl. I do kinda see that. The thing that draws me in the other direction is that she really at least seems to show that she wants a future with me.

 

As for partying, not much of a party girl but more the stoner persona (despite the club incident, which isn't her first time tossing up her alcohol after drinking too much).

 

Respect, I do respect her as a whole but not some things about her.

 

@Gloria25

She is pretty left and right about the weed. Sometimes she's against it, sometimes she wants to get high. And the party thing, she was more of a stay in slacker. But over time, I've noticed her motivation picking up. She does put a solid effort into things in general now, but I can only guess whether that will last or not.

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