icebreaker1 Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 When I'm in a bind and don't know what to do, I seek the advice of others such as co-workers, colleagues, friends and relatives, depending on the nature of my woes. However, my parents, particularly my father, are the ones I turn to for the ultimate word. That said, love and matters of the heart have always been the exception. Romance, sex, and dating have always been awkward, taboo topics in my family. So, simple questions this time: 1. As an adult, do you seek the advice of your parents on your love life? 2. Do you openly talk to them about your love life? 3. And if so, how open? I would love to hear from you.
Els Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 No, mostly because my perception and view of things is very different from theirs. Their view of most things (including relationships) is extremely conservative and religious, whereas mine is not. So it would be pointless. I do still introduce my partner to them and talk to them about relationship-related things if they ask, but I'd never seek their advice on it.
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Hell no. I'm an adult, I guess our policy is they don't really ask much but I can tell them whatever I want. I introduce partners to them, sure, but I've also dropped in when I need to pick something up and stayed for a coffee while with a friend with benefits and been truthful with them that that's all it was between us. I even discussed with my step mom the nature of my relationship with a guy almost twice my age when I was 22 (it was a D/s relationship) and it's no huge deal. Their opinion would be something I took into consideration if they had good reason to really disagree with someone I was dating but they'd never be so rude as to give their opinion unless it was something glaringly obvious like the dude hit me or never had a job... Which I wouldn't tolerate in the first place myself.
Toodaloo Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 1. As an adult, do you seek the advice of your parents on your love life? Occasionally. They trust me to make my own decisions so its more sounding off, making sure I am not being unreasonable or overly emotional etc. 2. Do you openly talk to them about your love life? To some extent. Who I am seeing etc yes. Sex not really. My mother is a witch and tends to know anyway!!! So why bother telling her the gory details??? 3. And if so, how open? I explained what a blow job was to my mother and father after she read about it in a Jilly Cooper book many decades ago... Dad for some reason thought it was a marvelous idea!!! When its needed we can discuss intimate matters even if it is embarrassing... I don't need to hide anything from my friends and family. They accept me and love me just as I am and if I need to talk to them about anything I can. They also know not to look in certain places in my house!!! Equally they know and respect that I have different views to them as I do with them. I am lucky and blessed to have them in my life. I know many who just can't talk to their parents about things like this but then I guess they have not be as lucky to have such an open and honest relationship with them. And yes sometimes their openness and honesty can cause hurt or embarrassment but they are always there. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 why on Earth did humans invent all the hideous methods of torture when all they had to do is threaten captors with talking about their sex life with their parents!!! lol 3
Gaeta Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 (edited) My mom is 68 and she is the coolest woman to ever walk the face of the earth!! She is active, young at heart, really in tune with nowadays dating and relationships. She tells me all the time I am too traditional lol. Yes if I have a big decision to make I will talk to her. But the one I share the every day dirt with is my adult daughter. We talk daily and support and advice each other on our dating and relationships. I will tell stories to my friends and some colleagues but nothing close to what I tell my daughter. ETA: I don't talk sex with my mother or daughter. The question is about love life. Edited September 28, 2015 by Gaeta 1
todreaminblue Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 not really......i might talk to my mum if i am unsure on how i am behaving in a relationship and get a different perspective...and i would listen to advice given...but ultimately.....the decision and talk to be had is between the person i am with and myself..... for example...i kissed another guy while in a relationship....i asked for my mums advice.....she told me not to tell him ....i listened to my mothers advice.....then chose to tell him because i felt that was the right thing to do for him and for me..my decisions are based on how i feel and what i think or know how my partner feels on any given issue not others feelings..i still listen though........deb
d0nnivain Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 (edited) I never discussed details of my dating life with my parents, not even when I was a teen. I would introduce men to my parents but I don't think I even talked to them about the details of my love life when I got engaged. If you have the kind of relationship where you can talk to your parents you are very lucky. It's a blessing. Edited September 28, 2015 by d0nnivain
Haydn Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 My Mum, (Bless her) sadly dispenses the worst advice ever when it comes to matters of the heart. So no. 3
Toodaloo Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 My Mum, (Bless her) sadly dispenses the worst advice ever when it comes to matters of the heart. So no. Just as well she was so good at creating fantastic human beings instead then 1
EricaH329 Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I tell my mother only the things she asks about. While she's *great* at being supportive, she's horrible at giving advice.
jen1447 Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 1. No. 2. Yes. 3. Often enough to keep them in the loop.
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 My mom is one of my best friends. She tends to lean towards the more traditional views regarding life and relationships due to her faith but now that all of us kids are adults living our own lives, she's actually one of the coolest women I know! Of course, you can always count on her to throw in her parental disclaimer no matter what we discuss but I know it's done with lots of love. My mom has lived a very interesting and colorful life and comes with enormous experience and unique perspectives on so many things. I value her (and my father's) opinion greatly but I'm not ruled by it and take it all in stride. At the end of the day, my mother always makes me feel better whenever I talk with her about anything, relationships included. Having said that I don't necessarily share all the nasty bits about my sex life. That's more for HER sake rather than my own Those details are usually shared with only my closest girlfriends if need be.
deadelvis Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I vent to my parents, but never ask advice on affairs of the heart. They seem to disapprove of my current GF and that really bothers me. My parents (and most parents) have values which are based on security, financial stability, reproduction, etc. They seldom seem focused on my happiness or my love for my partner. My GF does get relationship advice from her parents. Her parents love me and always encourage her to stay with me regardless of our fighting and problems. But this supports my previous assertion about security and stability. I'm a "good provider" for their daughter and a "smart choice" for her future, so her parents love me. My GF doesn't work, has health problems and is uses a multitude of prescription drugs, so my parents see her as a "bad choice". Parents are not objective. They pretend to care about our happiness, but they really just want us to be safe, comfortable and taken care of.
RecentChange Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Nope I dont discuss my love life at all with them. They have met 2 boyfriends, the guy I was with for a year and a half in high school, and the guy I have been with for over a decade - the rest, don't ask don't tell. If I am having a small relationship issue, I might talk to my best friend (known each other since we were children), if its a big issue - I go talk to a therapist. I don't like getting friends and family involved in relationship drama
ASG Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I don't, no. I introduce people to them. But to be honest, I haven't dated anyone seriously in a while and my mom doesn't want to know about the not so serious guys anyway. She has a very strict policy of "there are things moms should never know" and I respect that. I haven't really had troubles that I would need her advice on, so it would literally be gossip about who I am seeing. And she really does not want to know whether I'm having sex or not! Non starter with my dad. We don't have that kind of relationship.
Haydn Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Just as well she was so good at creating fantastic human beings instead then So sweet. Thank you.
Satu Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 In all important decisions, I go 100% on my own judgement. I am the ultimate authority on *me.*
GunslingerRoland Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Never really have. I think it's one of those things you have to be really cautious of. I know a lot of people who go to their parents every time they have a fight with their partner, and the parents always side with them, and then resent the partner. I don't think that helps any situation. And if you hear just one side of every fight, and you already have a biased view, you'll become even less objective with your point of view.
craw Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I speak to my mother about almost everything except for sex. She couldn't understand why I want not want to marry my bf of 5 years, I couldn't tell her, because I wasn't being sexually satisfied. I do listen to her advice, sometimes I don't, because she doesn't always fully understand the situation based on my vague details. My father has no clue and I would only tell him once I am engaged.
jen1447 Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Those of you who said no, what do you do at family get-togethers? (Or are you always solo at those?)
shet Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Where they can contribute. That isn't very often, they were quite old when they had me and I'm in my thirties so they're out of touch with the modern scene. Really I just want them to be reassured I have any kind of libido and interest in relationships; they're quite embarrassed and upset at the non-starter that is my romantic life since it reflects badly on their upbringing of me, and I know they think there's something wrong with me as a result, so it helps to involve them, if only so they can see for themselves how bizarre things are and can't question it later.
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