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Not a sweet boyfriend or Im just too demanding..... hmmp :(

pinkpositive

By pinkpositive
in Long-Distance Relationships

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pinkpositive Member

pinkpositive

Posted
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Im just wondering if I am too demanding or it's my boyfriend who is really not sweet at all?

 

Im in a long distance relation for 2 years and it is our anniversary today. I was expecting that he will do something sweet to surprise me but he just said " Happy Anniversary and I love you". I always want to make memorable our special day. When we had our First Anniv. I made video message with our pictures and sent letters but he did not even do anything like that but this 2nd anniv. still nothing special thing happen and Im disappointed. I feel like I'm always the one making effort to make our relationship alive.

 

I wonder if it is normal in dutch culture. Lol..

 

Even in my previous relationship I always expect for Surprises or sweet thing during special day (Anniversary , Monthsary and Borthday ) but why it seems all guys I met are not sweet ? Jezzz!! Maybe im too demanding and expecting too much from my boyfriend but it hurt though :(

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madjac74 Established Member

madjac74

Posted
Posted

Because guys don't care. The only reason they would is because they have to live with you in REAL and deal with your moods when we don't live up to your anniversary expectations.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm not Dutch, but from what I've heard it's pretty common in Dutch culture for guys to not do lavish stuff for special occasions. On the other hand in my culture (Asian) some of the guys go WAY overboard - gigantic teddy bears bigger than the girl, etc - that's not my preference either. I like a middle-of-the-road approach, just a nice dinner and some good times spent together. If in a LDR like you are, then just a special Skype session would be fine for me.

 

It's really just about compatibility and communication. If celebrating a special occasion is important to you then say so, and see if he compromises. Don't keep quiet and expect him to read your mind.

 

Edit: Errr, wait, I just read your last thread. Have the two of you met in person yet??? If not, there might be a much bigger issue here...

Edited by Elswyth
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Is this the same man from your other thread?

 

If so, you already know why he doesn't do anything special. You've never met, if I remember correctly.

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pinkpositive Member

pinkpositive

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm not Dutch, but from what I've heard it's pretty common in Dutch culture for guys to not do lavish stuff for special occasions. On the other hand in my culture (Asian) some of the guys go WAY overboard - gigantic teddy bears bigger than the girl, etc - that's not my preference either. I like a middle-of-the-road approach, just a nice dinner and some good times spent together. If in a LDR like you are, then just a special Skype session would be fine for me.

 

It's really just about compatibility and communication. If celebrating a special occasion is important to you then say so, and see if he compromises. Don't keep quiet and expect him to read your mind.

 

Edit: Errr, wait, I just read your last thread. Have the two of you met in person yet??? If not, there might be a much bigger issue here...

 

Hi there!!! Yes the same guy from my other thread. We already met just last month and we've been together for 3weeks only but also in person he's not a type of guy who is sweet and I feel like i the only sweet person in our relationship and I really dont appreciate it. Maybe I am expecting him to the same to what i do. Youre also right!! I dont talk to him about this and Im expecting him to read my mind. But he always say he's very sweet person but I dont even see and feel it. We skype everyday and that so normal for us. I just want to make our relationship alive and exciting.

Lois_Griffin Established Member

Lois_Griffin

Posted
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He probably doesn't take this relationship as seriously as he would a real one, is all. I mean, what can you really DO to celebrate over Skype? Blow balloons up in front of each other and eat cake with party hats on?

 

I don't think you're expecting too much from him per se; I think you're just expecting too much from a computer/virtual relationship.

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Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Hi there!!! Yes the same guy from my other thread. We already met just last month and we've been together for 3weeks only but also in person he's not a type of guy who is sweet and I feel like i the only sweet person in our relationship and I really dont appreciate it. Maybe I am expecting him to the same to what i do. Youre also right!! I dont talk to him about this and Im expecting him to read my mind. But he always say he's very sweet person but I dont even see and feel it. We skype everyday and that so normal for us. I just want to make our relationship alive and exciting.

 

Honestly, the only reason for anyone to even be in a LDR is that their connection and RL experience with that particular person was so good that they are willing to make the temporary sacrifice of staying apart, in hopes of being able to be in a RL relationship together in the future. If your RL meeting wasn't even all that enjoyable, what is the point of staying?

 

You can try to talk to him about this and see if anything changes, but if it doesn't then you have to be willing to walk for your own sake. I'm not saying LDRs aren't worth it - I was in one, we closed the distance and are still together, so I feel it's more than worth it with the right person. I don't think this guy is anywhere near the right person for you though.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Dating anniversaries are a weird phenomenon. I never even heard of them until I began to spend time on message boards like this.

 

Most often the women drive these sentimental occasions while men have no idea. While it would have been nice had he marked the date, you are partially at fault if you did not clearly and unequivocally communicate your expectations to him in advance.

 

He said Happy Anniversary which is more than you would have gotten from a lot of guys.

justwhoiam Established Member

justwhoiam

Posted
Posted

pinkpositive, I so understand you. It sucks when the person you're in love with doesn't seem excited about anything. For me too it's just normal that an anniversary, a birthday and other holidays are celebrated together in some special way. A way that makes you feel nearer, since two people are phisically separated. It could be a card with two lines, or something special thought out before the occasion (like a 1-hour Skype call during lunch or anything else).

 

It might be a long road before you get anything like that from him. Let him taste what it feels like when you get excited about something. Let that be so good that he wants to have it back and therefore he will find ways to have it back.

Unfortunately, I was not that good. When I got amoeba behaviors from him, my reactions were emotional. I wish I was smarter. Try that and see if it works for you. But if he keeps being 'cold', you'll have a lot to endure along the way.

hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
Posted

I just went through something similar a few weeks ago when my boyfriend and I hit the 2 year mark. I made a bigger deal out of it than he did..he thinks it's silly to celebrate anniversaries when you're not married and hasn't done so since he was in high school. I chose to not make it into a huge fight and realized it wasn't that important to celebrate the date. We celebrate birthdays and Valentine's Day, and he treats me well on a daily basis. I know he loves me and values the relationship without celebrating a dating "anniversary."

 

I was married to someone for a long time who was overly sentimental and bought cards, flowers, chocolates, etc. for anniversaries and bdays but actually treated me like crap the other days of the year. I'd rather have someone who treated me well year round and didn't go crazy for a dating anniversary.

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