Mutual Break-Up, how to get over him? Did we make a mistake?

[TheMoonAndTheStars]

Hello.

 

So I'm 19, and just last month my ex and I broke up after almost 2 years. We had been fighting recently and we talked about the future and where we saw ourselves in 5 years, and we realized our goals and plans for the future didn't match up. We tried compromising, but in the end we couldn't meet in the middle. So we decided to end things now, rather than wait until later. We wanted to remain friends, but we both agreed that a period of no contact first would be best. So, it's been a month, and I am completely miserable.

 

I've been trying to focus on school and work, but I just have a hard time staying focused and my grades have been slipping because of it. I have been crying every night, and I have been thinking about everything way too much. I am also extremely lonely. All of my friends were people that I met through my ex, and since the split, they all have been focusing on his well-being, and no one is talking to me. Consequently, I have no one to express my feelings to, and all my emotions are bottled inside. I've been trying to make new friends at school, but all I really want is to talk to someone who knows me and my situation.

 

I know the break-up was hard on him too. To be honest, although I loved him with my heart and soul, it really felt like he loved me just the tiniest bit more. But, I see pictures all the time on fb and snapchat, and he's hanging out with friends and he's doing well. I'm honestly jealous that he's been doing well, while I've been feeling like crap.

 

I really don't know what to do. This past month has been hell for me, and I can't imagine going on like this forever. I know things get better with time, but I don't know the first step to getting over him. He is my first love; my very first relationship. I still love him so much, and I can't help but think we made a mistake. Maybe we could work things out? But, I have a feeling that we'd just end up back here again. I'm just so confused right now and any advice would be much appreciated.

 

Thank you

[Draper]

Hi there,

 

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It's always awkward with mutual friends and such after a breakup, but you aren't alone. We're here for you.

 

I wouldn't be jealous of how well he's handling it - he's probably hurting just as much (if not more, as you say) as you, the difference is that he has the luxury of distracting himself with friends.

 

The first step in getting over him is what you've already done, stop contact. You're trying to make new friends and that's also a great step.

 

However, it doesn't sound like you want to get over him, which is totally understandable. You didn't break up because of some big fault in either of you, you broke up because your current goals and plans don't match up. That's a tough one because you have little to be angry about.

 

You asked if you could work things out.. well, that question is one that only you (and him) can answer. In my mind, when two people truly love each other, they make it work in most cases. They adjust accordingly. I'm not sure what the details of the problems are, whether it be distance or whatever, but I suppose you have to ask yourself if you truly see a future with him and, if you do, how much would you be willing to compromise on? Of course, he would have to decide the same. Also, since you're only 19, I take it the both of you some time to figure it all out.

 

Do you have any idea if he wants to work it out? I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you love him, be careful letting him go. It's always tough call when choosing between career plans and love, but I will say this - if its someone I felt I had a future with and could be happy with, I would choose love. It's true that money doesn't buy happiness, I can tell you that.

 

This ended up being longer than expected. I hope it helps, in some way. Good luck. We're here for you.

Edited September 28, 2015 by Draper