kendahke Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I knew his situation, he told me everything so why now shut me off? It doesn't matter what you knew or what you were told. HE is not ready to be what you need. He knows this, that's why he's bailing. He's already dealing with the disappointment of one woman. He doesn't need to juggle two of them, especially one he hardly even knows.
kendahke Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I was horribly close to contacting him with an emoji, but didnt. Good. Don't do that. You're being a pest if you do.
thecrucible Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 OP, go no contact. It'll allow you to keep dignity intact. Do not give him an ego boost by keeping in contact. Also, check out the blog Baggage Reclaim, it's really good advice to dealing with rebound guys and general unavailable relationships.
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 By now i would have expected to hurt less. I guesd i am getting more fragile. I feel sick the way he has treated me, i just want him To know. He has got awaywith it.
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 His wife left him because he was seeing a younger woman at work. He described her as his stalker for 1.5 years. She recently disappeared for 2 months and happened to come back in his life last week. I think she is the reason he has discarded me (and his faithful nice wife of many years). This man is a liar and cheat.
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 He kept claiming she was a nuisence but as he knows her already i think she has won him over. This woman wrecked his marriage and drove his wife away yet he has let her back in his life. Because he was open about her i thought he was telling the truth after all why would you tell a new person all this?
SoulCat Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 His wife left him because he was seeing a younger woman at work. He described her as his stalker for 1.5 years. She recently disappeared for 2 months and happened to come back in his life last week. I think she is the reason he has discarded me (and his faithful nice wife of many years). This man is a liar and cheat. He kept claiming she was a nuisence but as he knows her already i think she has won him over. This woman wrecked his marriage and drove his wife away yet he has let her back in his life. Because he was open about her i thought he was telling the truth after all why would you tell a new person all this? So Gutted, you are a master at putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 37.... You have NO WAY of knowing if any of this is in fact the case. You are hurting over conclusions you've drawn. Many posters have pointed out to you that he probably just wasn't ready, and only came to realise that when he was seeing you. As far as I can see there are two options open to you: Put your big girl pants on and ask him directly, in person, why he's no longer interested. Or, chalk it up to experience, leave him be and move on. And for the love of all things holy, get some counselling! 4
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 So Gutted, you are a master at putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 37.... You have NO WAY of knowing if any of this is in fact the case. You are hurting over conclusions you've drawn. Many posters have pointed out to you that he probably just wasn't ready, and only came to realise that when he was seeing you. As far as I can see there are two options open to you: Put your big girl pants on and ask him directly, in person, why he's no longer interested. Or, chalk it up to experience, leave him be and move on. And for the love of all things holy, get some counselling! How can i ask him?
SoulCat Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 How can i ask him? Seriously? Smh... You just ASK.
kpl Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 How can i ask him? why do you need to know why he isn't interested? Someone made it clear they aren't interested, move on. This guy is going through his own stuff. DO NOT CONTACT! What do you need to know? It wasn't about you, you did nothing wrong, but miss out on some big red flags. Now you know better. Save your dignity and do not contact him. It isn't worth. When someone tells you they aren't interested, why do you need anything from them at this point?
SSM3 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 I met a guy over a month, many times. We spent a lot of time together. I met his kids, family and he cooked dinner for me in his house. Only last week, he talked about marriage in the future. He is divorced, from a long long marriage. I might be his first date after a while. I last spoke to him On his birthday 3 days ago and he was very down, missing his wife i think. I feel led on after the time we spent together and talk of a future. Why has he cut me off? Its nasty. Too much too soon!
GorillaTheater Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Were you dating this guy and the married guy from your other thread at the same time? It's hard for me to wrap my head around the damage you inflict on yourself, as evidenced by your many, many threads. I've advised you to seek counseling before, and I see you're getting that advice again. Please do it. 3
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 Were you dating this guy and the married guy from your other thread at the same time? It's hard for me to wrap my head around the damage you inflict on yourself, as evidenced by your many, many threads. I've advised you to seek counseling before, and I see you're getting that advice again. Please do it. No - this was after the married guy, as recovery.
Author so gutted Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 why do you need to know why he isn't interested? Someone made it clear they aren't interested, move on. This guy is going through his own stuff. DO NOT CONTACT! What do you need to know? It wasn't about you, you did nothing wrong, but miss out on some big red flags. Now you know better. Save your dignity and do not contact him. It isn't worth. When someone tells you they aren't interested, why do you need anything from them at this point? Exactly i didnt do anything wrong so why should i suffer?
kpl Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Exactly i didnt do anything wrong so why should i suffer? maybe i should clarify, you didnt do anything that probably caused disinterest. You SHOULD have picked up on some clear red flags. Anyone recently out of a relationship, meeting kids in a month, etc should have been signs this guy was overestimating his ability to be with you. From another message it looks like you were with a married man before? I mean honestly, you will continue to suffer if you keep dating men who obviously can't give you what you need, so your call on how you want to approach your next relationship.
BlueIris Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 His wife left him because he was seeing a younger woman at work. He described her as his stalker for 1.5 years. She recently disappeared for 2 months and happened to come back in his life last week. I think she is the reason he has discarded me (and his faithful nice wife of many years). This man is a liar and cheat. So why suffer over him? Reject him. You are making yourself suffer. I agree with the advice to get counseling. You can address your own thinking and actions in counseling and stop making yourself suffer. 3
SoulCat Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Exactly i didnt do anything wrong so why should i suffer? This just shows that you are not actually, really taking on board any of the advice you are being given here. You just cherry-pick the bits that feed into your drama and run with those. Try as we might, I don't think any of us here can help you, since you are nowhere near wanting to help yourself. 5
Rejected Rosebud Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Exactly i didnt do anything wrong so why should i suffer? You did do something wrong. To yourself. By 1) giving away ALL your power to a stranger (which according to your other threads you do ALL THE TIME) 2) not taking time to get to know him 3) not paying attention to many red flags. He cheated on his wife with a woman he called his "stalker"? :sick: 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Exactly i didnt do anything wrong so why should i suffer? You shouldn't. But it's patently obvious that you have every intention of doing so.... We've all told you how not to. So, what are you going to do about it? 1
Redhead14 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 No - this was after the married guy, as recovery. You jumped into another relationship to recover from a previous one? That is this mentality: The way to get over a guy is to get under another one . . . bad strategy. Stop doing this to yourself! These men are not the problem here, you are your own worst enemy. 2
Author so gutted Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 I sms him to as how he was. I did this because after a week of trying to move on something wasnt right, his behaviour changing so suddenly was very out of charecter. He replied quickly with a long message. He apologised many times. Said his child left home and his ex wife was now turning them against him and after half of everything. He said he wrote out an sms many times to me but didnt send it because he thought he was bringing me too much trouble. He hoped i would ring. He said everything he said he was sincere about. I put my neck on the line here.... Is this likley to be true?
Author so gutted Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 He said he will explain face to face ..,
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Ok, here's the thing you should do. Go to a good hardware store and buy yourself some razor wire, an empty jar, and a bamboo stick. Shatter the glass jar and grind it to a fine powder, and split the bamboo stick into fine slivers. Now pour the ground glass into your eyes, drive the bamboo slivers under your nails, and floss both nostrils with the razor wire. All this will prove to be marginally LESS painful than what you are putting yourself through at the moment. Keep away form this guy. He has too much baggage, and clearly has serious issues to deal with, regarding his family, that really you do not need to get drawn into. Face to face be damned. He withdrew and disappeared, which is cowardly and frankly, downright rude. He is not a good investment. He will break your heart, because remember, his family - whatever, or whoever that involves - will always come first, streets ahead of you. 2
Author so gutted Posted October 4, 2015 Author Posted October 4, 2015 Yes i get that but i needed to hear this to move on...
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Good. You've heard it. He doesn't need to see you face to face. He's already made his reasons quite clear. Just inform him that a meeting would be redundant and pointless. It would be best if he just gets on with his life, overcomes his hurdles, and dates when he's in a better position to do so. Wish him well, hang up, and delete, deny and do not - respond again. 1
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