endlessabyss Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) I posted not too long ago, about my situation, meeting back up with my ex after years to re-establish a relationship with my kid. After the second time of meeting up I have this intense craving of wanting to be with her. The feeling is just as intense as it was after we first broke up. I was doing well after a few years, because she was out of sight, out of mind, but now whatever healing I have done has been totally negated. The scar has been ripped totally back open. The last few days I have experienced some of the most painful, intense emotions, that is my reason for creating another post, to just try to ease the pain a little, and express myself through this medium. I keep telling myself to keep a smile, which I have been, keep busy, but the last couple of days have felt so heavy, so much energy needs to be exerted to accomplish the littlest things. While I was at the gym working out, I had this flash back to when our break-up first happened, and I thought about her having intercourse with the guys she's with now, and I just experienced this world of hurt. I am so attracted to her still, after seeing her again, and crave for nothing but us to be back together as a family. I just don't know how to negate the pain, so much time has went by, and I feel like I am starting over. Will this go away over time, regardless if I see her weekly? If anybody has any experience with this I could definitely use the wisdom. I have put up the façade that I am fine, through my outside behavior, but on the inside I am in a ton of hurt. Edited September 27, 2015 by endlessabyss
Mcnulty Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 It's hard man. You can't turn off your feelings I know. But from experience, getting back with them is a mistake. I could never get him and her out of my head, she was 'soiled goods' sadly. In the end, the ex crept back in and even tried to message me!! A royal mess. Don't go back, focus on your child and being the best father you can be, for this is the gift and the most fulfilling thing you will do with your life, trust me. 1
singme2sleep Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I understand how much pain you're in, really I do. I can't eat, sleep, I even fainted in the shower the other day because I'm such a wreck. Kudos to your for attempting to smile, that word is foreign to me now. Wish I had the right words for you and for myself. I guess just take some solace in knowing you're not alone, so many of us are hurting and it isn't fair. 1
Mcnulty Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Singme2sleep, honestly it will get better, every hour and day is a step forward if you do something for you! Yesterday's best friend is tomorrow's stranger...life I'm afraid, but in a 100 years time, none of this will matter..not trying to detract from your pain, just trying to give you perspective. 2
Author endlessabyss Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 Thanks for the responses, McNulty and singme2sleep. I just can't put in to words how gut wrenching some of this stuff is, emotionally, especially after so much time has went by. I think at the end of the day these feeling will never fully dissipate, and that is the hardest pill to swallow. I was aware there was going to be some pain, and I tried to sike myself out to deal with it, but when it hit, it hit hard. Most gut wrenching this to see two people you love go home to someone else. McNulty, what you said in your second post is how I cope sometimes. I just tell myself it is all temporary; this will all end someday, whether I'm living or not....
mightycpa Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I just can't put in to words how gut wrenching some of this stuff is, emotionally, especially after so much time has went by. Actually, you'd do yourself a solid if you would put it into words. There's something about identifying and labeling your feelings that helps desensitize you to their power. I get the feeling you've probably avoided those feelings. You probably manned up and went forward, damn the torpedos full speed ahead. Somehow, those feelings got buried, and all was well until the root cause showed up. Chemically, you've probably conditioned yourself to excrete bad breakup brain chemicals when you think of her. What you need to do is to combat them with happy brain chemicals. A lot of people do that with drugs. That's fine, except for the part that it doesn't help when you either stop taking the drugs, or when they wear off. You need to learn how to fix yourself. Some tricks: Try this exercise. Name every emotion. Like: I feel sad. I feel hurt that she doesn't love me. I feel afraid when I go to see her. I feel jealous of her boyfriend. etc. Try it. You should actually feel better. Do it every day for three or four weeks and watch the feelings diminish. Run. Run at least a couple of miles. If you can't do that, then run as far as you can, then walk the rest of the way. Try to memorize all of those feeling labels. Let your body's response to exercise learn how to combat your mind's response to thinking about your ex. Also, find someone to be grateful for, and write a two-minute thank you and send it off. Don't overthink it, just do it. Do that for 21 days to somebody different every day. They don't have to be life changing people. Just people who make your day go by better or smoother in some way. If you can't think of 21 people who do that, then you need to change your routines, friends, activities. Also, get a massage. There's something about human touch that makes you feel good, and your brain responds to any human touch. Massage is great, and your brain's reward centers will reward you. Try dealing with your **** instead of walking away from it. Like every other unpleasant thing you can do nothing about, you need to come to grips with it. That's my guess. 2
singme2sleep Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 "Gut wrenching" is definitely the correct term. I feel like I was completely abandoned and it kills me. The day we exchanged our stuff my ex was so cold and all the things he said were like a stranger was saying them. Yet he hugged and kissed me and made me promise to text him when I got home. This whole breakup feels wrong and I know he loves me.
Author endlessabyss Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 "Gut wrenching" is definitely the correct term. I feel like I was completely abandoned and it kills me. The day we exchanged our stuff my ex was so cold and all the things he said were like a stranger was saying them. Yet he hugged and kissed me and made me promise to text him when I got home. This whole breakup feels wrong and I know he loves me. It sounds like you're in the very beginning stages of your break-up. If I could give myself any advice, to that person 4 years ago, I would say do your utmost to show, on the outside, that you don't care. This requires the ultimate will power, but this is the test. If you pass you have a chance of getting back, if you fail, it's most likely over for good. I was young and inexperienced, and made all the wrong moves. Called repeatedly, acting like an emotional idiot, the whole thing was embarrassing. Even if I walked away with some self respect back then, it would have been better than nothing. The person who holds all the power takes advantage of that; it makes them feel good. If you can discipline yourself, and not show him you're bothered, he'll possibly start reconsidering. This is all a test.
singme2sleep Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 This requires the ultimate will power, but this is the test. If you pass you have a chance of getting back, if you fail, it's most likely over for good. I am in the early stages, we just broke up last Wednesday. But I let myself become so happy and so secure in the relationship, that I truly thought he was 100% committed and would never leave me. It's very hard for me to act like I don't care and that really won't help (in getting him back) due to the nature of our breakup (I believe).
Author endlessabyss Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 I am in the early stages, we just broke up last Wednesday. But I let myself become so happy and so secure in the relationship, that I truly thought he was 100% committed and would never leave me. It's very hard for me to act like I don't care and that really won't help (in getting him back) due to the nature of our breakup (I believe). Understandable, believe me. I let it show for a very long time. It still effects me to this day, because I have a connection with this person forever. I guess just try to show its not getting to you too much, and don't act crazy. I did both, and regret it really bad.
singme2sleep Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I want to act "crazy" but I'm strongly resisting the urge. In fact I am still in the throes of wanting to text/call and beg him to change his mind but I know that will only make me look pathetic. He's depressed and unhappy with his life currently and it's not about me, I get that. Doesn't make it hurt any less and doesn't make me any less sadder. We had a good relationship and either way letting it go is tragic.
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