scratch Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC How does that effect the NO CONTACT rule? The rule isn't a good one with someone you genuinely like. If the primary reason a person is pursuing you is that you refuse to contact them, it can play out one of three ways: 1. They eventually give up and move on. 2. They pursue you until you give in, at which time they realize there was no underlying reason they liked you, and then will dump you and move on. 3. They pursue until you give in, you realize you both have genuine feelings for each other and live happily ever after. Originally posted by alphamale Bullshyt you will come out alone. I take it you seem to feel outcome #3 is the most prevalent. Here's why you're wrong: Ever date a girl you didn't like that much but you made ****ing her a goal? Did she eventually give in? How did you feel about her after? The first two are rhetorical, but go ahead and answer the third. If you tell me you had developed feelings for her in the course of trying to seperate her from her panties, you'll be the first man I've even met to have experienced that. There are a ton of bad lessons in chick flicks. Playing hard to get is near the top.
alphamale Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch There are a ton of bad lessons in chick flicks. Playing hard to get is near the top. you're an idiot SCRATCH. When I was younger I played hard to get with some beautiful women and they were calling me for years trying to hook up. But then again I had a lot going for me, looks, education, rich family, etc.... you know, it is all relative. You have to have something to offer to play hard to get. If you don't have anything to offer it won't work. Imaging a fat ugly trailer trash girl playing hard to get, wont' work. But if it is a beautiful 26 yr old woman with a masters degree, good body and a personality then she can play hard to get all she wants and men will be chasing her all over the place.
SexKitten Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale you're an idiot SCRATCH. When I was younger I played hard to get with some beautiful women and they were calling me for years trying to hook up. But then again I had a lot going for me, looks, education, rich family, etc.... you know, it is all relative. You have to have something to offer to play hard to get. If you don't have anything to offer it won't work. Imaging a fat ugly trailer trash girl playing hard to get, wont' work. But if it is a beautiful 26 yr old woman with a masters degree, good body and a personality then she can play hard to get all she wants and men will be chasing her all over the place. what if it's a girl of 24 with looks, education, rich family....
Author XNemesisX Posted May 19, 2005 Author Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Ironically, the only time one can "play" it successfully is when one isn't playing at all. Isn't that messed up? Kinda makes me think that if a guy is acting "hard to get" then he probably just really doesn't like me This "game" is hard to fake. I know I have a terrible time playing hard to get when I *REALLY* like someone. Seeing how this guy is going crazy over me now that I have backed WAAAY off (and not even intentionally) is going to make me re-evaluate how I'm acting around guys that I am very interested in. I think I'm going to take a lesson from this. Maybe its time for some acting lessons Originally posted by SexKitten no one likes despair, it's a turn off. people want what they can't have, that's a given. it's less of a "game" actually, then it is about knowing how to balance. That's a great way to look at it! You know, I think that when a guy bends over backwards for me, calls all the time, asks me out too much *at least in the beginning* it just turns me off so bad. It makes me think that probably no one else wants him, that his "perceived value" is realy low. No body wants that. We want something that other people want too, or that seems valuable. Originally posted by Alphamale You have to have something to offer to play hard to get. If you don't have anything to offer it won't work. Imaging a fat ugly trailer trash girl playing hard to get, wont' work. But if it is a beautiful 26 yr old woman with a masters degree, good body and a personality then she can play hard to get all she wants and men will be chasing her all over the place. Yeah that would be something else to see a fat trailer trash woman trying to play hard to get! What about a 22 year old with a BS working on her MA? In psychology? Do you think I am allowed to play hard to get or do psychology girls scare guys off? Ok...well this is a little bit off topic but you will NOT believe what else happened to me last night. Not only did I see the hot Colin Ferrell look alike that I went out with about 7 months ago and never called back(that was the real icing on the cake for my ex to leave me) -- I went out with this guy after my ex TOLD me to then he couldn't take it when I actually did what he said. Well anyway, I saw him last night. We talked forever...and I left a note on his car telling him I was sorry that I hadn't called him back several months ago but I wasn't over my ex yet and it was still too fresh. Then I told him to give me a call sometime. Do you think this would be appreciated or did I just make myself look like I was trying too hard? I was supposed to call him and I never did (this was MONTHS ago) so was that okay for me to leave that note on his car you think? I feel terrible that I missed my chance with this really cute and sweet guy because of the f*cktard ex of mine. I just hope karma doesn't bite me in the a** for how I am being over the guy this thread was originally about. He blew his chance and now I'm over it and what if this guy thinks I blew my chance months ago and now he is over it? Second thing that happened last night...I got a call from the guy I dated before my last ex that I was HEAD OVER HEELS for....it was so strange. I haven't called him or im'ed him in months, basically did NC. The last time I talked to him was 2 months ago on instant messenger when he asked me to meet him for dinner. I text msg'd him like 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet and cancelled. (Yeah that was sort of a jerk thing for me to do - I didn't even have the courtesy to call!). So, that was the last time I spoke to him since last night. WHen he called, he was going on and on about how much he missed me and wanted to get together this Saturday. This is coming from the same guy who broke things off with me almost 3 years ago for being a "puppy dog" I don't know where all these guys are coming from....it seems like they are coming out of the woodwork all at once. Maybe I should keep acting like I don't give a rat's behind about them. (and hey, maybe I really don't anymore anyway!) *sigh* I can't help but laugh at all of this. I used to chase the guy who broke up with me because I acted like a puppy dog like crazy, and now he is the one wanting me also and I just couldn't care less. Alpha, you really need to put up your old sig "The one who laughs last laughs the loudest and hardest" or however it went, because that is REALLY how I am feeling right now!
scratch Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale When I was younger I played hard to get with some beautiful women and they were calling me for years trying to hook up. But then again I had a lot going for me, looks, education, rich family, etc.... you know, it is all relative. For the moment, let's ignore the irony of a 40 year old guy on the loveshack messageboard who thinks of himself as an alpha and address the topic at hand. I may be weird about this, but if I have a beautiful woman interested in me I'd rather be with her than play hard to get and not hook up with her for years. The flaw in playing hard to get is that even if you win (arouse their interest), you still lose, i.e. you aren't with them. On the other hand, it is a turnoff if you appear so interested as to remove all intrigue. Perhaps the objective should be to be polite and open to a person while keeping the smallest seed of doubt in their mind as to whether you're truly interested or instead just friendly and positive.
SexKitten Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch For the moment, let's ignore the irony of a 40 year old guy on the loveshack messageboard who thinks of himself as an alpha and address the topic at hand. I may be weird about this, but if I have a beautiful woman interested in me I'd rather be with her than play hard to get and not hook up with her for years. The flaw in playing hard to get is that even if you win (arouse their interest), you still lose, i.e. you aren't with them. On the other hand, it is a turnoff if you appear so interested as to remove all intrigue. Perhaps the objective should be to be polite and open to a person while keeping the smallest seed of doubt in their mind as to whether you're truly interested or instead just friendly and positive. right, but if two people are obviously interested in each other, then there's no need to pretend otherwise. but things don't always work out that way. when they do, that's great. playing hard to get would just screw that up, so good for you that you wouldn't do that! but in some cases, one is more interested than the other, and in that case, it certainly doesn't do any good to fawn all over them and make it seem like you'll do anything they want without any interest in return. but it's also not good to feign complete disinterest, because some people see that as a rejection, not a ply for attention.
Author XNemesisX Posted May 19, 2005 Author Posted May 19, 2005 Why does it have to be soooo damn complicated? *sigh*
scratch Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten right, but if two people are obviously interested in each other, then there's no need to pretend otherwise. but things don't always work out that way. when they do, that's great. playing hard to get would just screw that up, so good for you that you wouldn't do that! but in some cases, one is more interested than the other, and in that case, it certainly doesn't do any good to fawn all over them and make it seem like you'll do anything they want without any interest in return. but it's also not good to feign complete disinterest, because some people see that as a rejection, not a ply for attention. Your last paragraph and my last paragraph that you quoted seem to be very closely aligned. Does the solution I propose (be open and polite) seem a good real-world method of going about things when one person is more interested?
SexKitten Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Your last paragraph and my last paragraph that you quoted seem to be very closely aligned. Does the solution I propose (be open and polite) seem a good real-world method of going about things when one person is more interested? yes, i think we are both on the same page and we are both right. be open, be polite, but don't be needy.
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by scratch There are a ton of bad lessons in chick flicks Word.
alphamale Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by scratch For the moment, let's ignore the irony of a 40 year old guy on the loveshack messageboard who thinks of himself as an alpha and address the topic at hand. hey SCRATCH, i have seniority here as in my almost 4,000 posts vs. your 11 I may be weird about this, but if I have a beautiful woman interested in me I'd rather be with her than play hard to get and not hook up with her for years. The flaw in playing hard to get is that even if you win (arouse their interest), you still lose, i.e. you aren't with them. what if you were already dating someone and two or three other were interested in being w/ you? you're still playing hard-to-get cause they cannot have you cause you are already banging someone!
scratch Posted May 20, 2005 Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale hey SCRATCH, i have seniority here as in my almost 4,000 posts vs. your 11 I assign less weight to seniority than merit. If you post something I find interesting or enlightening, I'll learn from it. If you post something about which I disagree, I'll explan why. If you want to argue or flame about it, that's all part of the fun. Originally posted by alphamale what if you were already dating someone and two or three other were interested in being w/ you? you're still playing hard-to-get cause they cannot have you cause you are already banging someone! Yes, you're playing hard to get, but to what end? All one can get from it is a meaningless ego stroke. While I'm not above enjoying the compliment, I feel foolish going out of my way to make it happen. I'd like to think that I'd be just as happy dating someone without regard to whether I had other women hitting on me.
SexKitten Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale what if you were already dating someone and two or three other were interested in being w/ you? you're still playing hard-to-get cause they cannot have you cause you are already banging someone! but that's not playing hard-to-get...he actually would be hard to get since he's taken. it would just be an unfortunate circumstance for the one who was interested, but couldn't get him. there is a difference between playing and being.
smile95 Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 i have talked to you before and I have poured my heart out to my guy last week only to be ignored. He always calls me back when I stop cahsing him. Wonder whythis happens? I guess if we continue to chase, they know they have us. I guess if I want him back, I should stop trying to get him to call me??? I would love to be able to ignore him!!!!!
SexKitten Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 i have talked to you before and I have poured my heart out to my guy last week only to be ignored. He always calls me back when I stop cahsing him. Wonder whythis happens? I guess if we continue to chase, they know they have us. I guess if I want him back, I should stop trying to get him to call me??? I would love to be able to ignore him!!!!! start a new thread, it's less confusing and you don't want to hijack.
Author XNemesisX Posted May 22, 2005 Author Posted May 22, 2005 Ok...so now here is the deal with Johnny Come Lately. I can't BELIEVE I caved in. My interest is still on the low end, but after he has NOT let up and wouldn't leave me alone, I agree to go to his place last night to see his new puppy. I love dogs so I thought it might be fun. OMG I wouldn't have went if I had known what I was getting myself into. He basically attacked me! Was all over me and being all touchy-feely on me. Then his *supposed* now ex-girlfriend calls and he tells me to "shhhh" before he answers it! He sat there and lied to her about what he was doing! Said he was sitting on the couch by himself and about to go to bed!!! So while he is on the phone, I go outside to smoke a cigarette. He comes out there after they hang up and starts trying to seduce me basically. Well, he wanted me to stay all night but I didn't. I just got my purse, told him goodnite, and left. And voila! Once again, he has been calling me today like crazy. He just won't give up. What does he want from me! Apparently he wants 2 girlfriends! I'm really seeing what a liar he is.....ugh. Edit: Oh...and if he basically told me to "SSHHH" before he answered this call from this "recent ex" of his...do you think that means he has lied about them breaking up? Or am I jumping to conclusions? Maybe she would just be mad and he didn't want to upset her even though they are "broke up" now? Ugh..who even cares. This guy is history.
smile95 Posted May 22, 2005 Posted May 22, 2005 I mean this in the nicest way.....You may tell us that you do not want him and this is just a game, but it seems like you truly want him back. If you did not, you would change your # and not have gone over. It sounds to me like he is playing both of you? You are better than this! What he does to this "ex" he is going to do to you or already has. Just keep your eyes open. He only wants you because you appea to not want him. Again, that was not meant to be mean AT ALL
wakamiya Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 XNemesisX I just have a quick question... how long did it take this guy to realize you were no longer chasing him? a week? I just find it funny.. I wouldn't waste much more time with him.
SexKitten Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 I mean this in the nicest way.....You may tell us that you do not want him and this is just a game, but it seems like you truly want him back. If you did not, you would change your # and not have gone over. It sounds to me like he is playing both of you? You are better than this! What he does to this "ex" he is going to do to you or already has. Just keep your eyes open. He only wants you because you appea to not want him. Again, that was not meant to be mean AT ALL some people don't realize sometimes, though, what a pain in the ass it is to have to change your life around to get someone to stop bugging you. changing your number, your address, your appearance, anything at all will not stop someone from finding you if they want to find you. just because you don't alter your life doesn't mean you are inviting someone to bother you. also keep in mind that it is NOT a game, she ISN'T interested and DOESN'T want to be with him. maybe he sees it as interest on her part, but to her, it's harmless and she's just hanging out. it's not her fault he's all hands. saying yes to seeing a dog to have something to do isn't exactly a proposal acceptance. duh. and your second to last sentence...what a blanket statement. i won't even go into that.
smile95 Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 ummmmm going to an exes house when you want nothing to do with them? why? what is the point? With her doing that, of course he is going to think she wants him. If she said no, he may have gotten the point. And your "duh" comment was not appreciated. thanks
SexKitten Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 sorry, i like "duh." didn't mean to insult you. i just know that sometimes, people do things when they're really not interested. i broke up with a long time boyfriend. he called me constantly, wrote to me, drove me nuts. i kept ignoring him. then one day he called and said "do you want to go to this place, i'm going and i would like to see you just to say hi, no bullshyt." i had nothing to do, i said yes. i also said yes because i spent a lot of time with this boyfriend, and to cut someone off feels weird. i felt better after seeing him just that one time, to see he was okay and to know i didn't have an enemy. never did i consider it a game, nor did i want him back. i never saw him again after that, and i never felt the need to. things can happen that way.
smile95 Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 oh ok. I know each person if different, but from reading her posts, it seemed like since he ignored her for so long and then suddenly became interested in her when she stopped chasing, that she kinda wanted to mess with him a little. that seemed like a game. I would prob do the same, but I just got the feeling that she may still have hope or something? Hard to tell when you read posts sometimes. sorry for the confusion.
Author XNemesisX Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 oh ok. I know each person if different, but from reading her posts, it seemed like since he ignored her for so long and then suddenly became interested in her when she stopped chasing, that she kinda wanted to mess with him a little. that seemed like a game. I would prob do the same, but I just got the feeling that she may still have hope or something? Hard to tell when you read posts sometimes. sorry for the confusion. Nope...I am past having hope. I don't even feel attracted to him at all anymore. He really screwed up. Oh, and he's not really my "ex." We dated for a short time (if you want to call it that) and we have known eachother as friends for 4 years. I'm not even sure we can be friends anymore after all of this. When we tried dating, he had a new girlfriend. Then, he said he broke up with the girlfriend but this was at the time I had stopped calling him and chasing him and he acted frantic to get my attention. Now, I think he either was lying about breaking up with her in the first place just to get my attention, or he may have broke up with her, saw I wasn't acting interested in him anymore, so went back to the girlfriend. (while still trying to pursue me in the meantime). I think after my last hellish relationship, I will really listen when someone shows me what kind of guy they are. I think he showed me he was an untrustworthy jerk to be honest. I have dusted my feet and moved on from this. He just needs to accept it, and he doesn't seem to want to give up on me.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 ummmmm going to an exes house when you want nothing to do with them? why? what is the point? With her doing that, of course he is going to think she wants him. If she said no, he may have gotten the point. True that.
Author XNemesisX Posted May 23, 2005 Author Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 ummmmm going to an exes house when you want nothing to do with them? why? what is the point? With her doing that, of course he is going to think she wants him. If she said no, he may have gotten the point. I have been friends with him for 4 years. I didn't see the harm in going to see his new puppy. I guess we can't even be friends anymore though, and it was a mistake on my part to go over there - at least with all this drama going on and him trying so hard to get my attention back. Doesn't look like he can go back to just being my friend. Kinda sucks that I lost him as a friend over this crap. Everything is different now. If she said no, he may have gotten the point. Not quite LOL. I have been saying no when he asks me to see him except for this one time to see his pup and he doesn't give up. Still hasn't gave up. I'm starting to wonder if he ever will!!!
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