XNemesisX Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Ok, I'm sure some of you might remember my story about the guy I was seeing for a while who was in a committed relationship (not married). Well, I took everyone's advice and stopped talking to him. Since I stopped talking to him, not returning his calls until days later, and not responding to his emails...he is going CRAZY now trying to get a hold of me. He's been pounding on my door, ringing my phone off the hook, and just basically seeming frantic about wanting to talk to me. Not only that, but he has broken up with his girlfriend. I think that he wants to start seeing me now - as in a relationship. I guess the moral of the story is this: At least in the initial stages of a courtship, play HARD TO GET. I laid my feelings out on the line just a few weeks ago for this guy, just to be ignored. Now that I turned the tables, he is puddy in my hands Oh...and now that he actually wants ME now...I don't want him. I just feel like he had his chance to break up with her long ago and didn't take it so now it's too late for this Johnny Come Lately! Sorry if this wasn't the revelation on how to get a man's interest back that you may have thought it was. I just found it interesting how acting so completely indifferent, even rude to this man could make him want me this much...
blue16 Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 how come you don't want him anymore? Because you got offended he didn't dump his gf right away, so now u want to even the score in a matter of speaking?
Author XNemesisX Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 I don't want him anymore because he had his chance and he blew it...and I guess that did offend me. I also don't think I could ever trust him. It was bad judgment on my part for ever even getting involved with someone with a girlfriend, and I am ashamed of that. But now that he seems to want me for his next girlfriend now, I really don't think I could trust him. I'm sure he would cheat on me too. I guess all of this combined led to me losing interest. I'm not really trying to get revenge on him, because I'm not playing a game really. I honestly don't really like him anymore. I think that after my big breakup 7 months ago, I definitely don't seem to be one to put up with bullshyt anymore. This guy probably thought that I would still be here for him all the time, girlfriend or not. I think he still thinks he can persuade me to date him again. Just a few minutes ago I got off the phone with him. He is definitely thinking that he can work his charms on me again He's called 9 times today. All I know is that my lack of enthusiasm towards him is really driving him crazy...is it bad that I am a little bit amused?
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX He's called 9 times today. All I know is that my lack of enthusiasm towards him is really driving him crazy...is it bad that I am a little bit amused? Maybe it's a little bad, but it's pretty funny. Juliet did this to me... after her dumping me, mark you. At that point in time I wasn't able to be very mature. Isn't it sad how great all these games work....? Yes Kooky, it is. Although I'm beginning to believe they work best on the wrong people... the girls I find most interesting seem to respond best to more straightforward behaviour.
tokyo Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Yes Kooky, it is. Although I'm beginning to believe they work best on the wrong people... the girls I find most interesting seem to respond best to more straightforward behaviour. XNemesisX friend wasn't the best choice. The fact that he is into playing these kind of games is just another proof that he's not the right kind of guy, or not yet at least.
themanwithnoname Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 By the time you stop playing your games, your man is already with another woman. Who wins?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by kooky XNemesisX friend wasn't the best choice. The fact that he is into playing these kind of games is just another proof that he's not the right kind of guy, or not yet at least. Agreed. My theory on relationship "games" is this: When you play hard to get and make the person chase you, if that is not your normal behavior, eventually they will catch you. And when they do, you'll quickly return to your normal self. If your normal self is not the person they were chasing, then the relationship will not last. In other words, if you resort to 'tactics' to get someone to like you, ultimately it will back-fire on you. Be yourself. Don't change for them. Don't hide feelings if you have them. If they feel you are suffocating them, then see if you can back off a little. I guess what I am trying to say is that if it's the right person, you will be equally yoked in your enthusiasm towards one another and games won't be necessary. I do believe we all need our space and time alone, but that should enhance something you already have, not be the catalyst to spark something that really isn't there.
SexKitten Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by themanwithnoname By the time you stop playing your games, your man is already with another woman. Who wins? but she's not playing games, because she is no longer interested. so in her case, she wins no matter what, whether he gets a girlfriend tomorrow or he never has one again.
Author XNemesisX Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten but she's not playing games, because she is no longer interested. so in her case, she wins no matter what, whether he gets a girlfriend tomorrow or he never has one again. Exactly! I'm not playing games, because what I'm doing is just coming naturally. He had his chance, he blew it, and now I'm over it! Bad for him I guess...but I can't make myself like him again. I guess I'm not too good at playing "games" when I really like someone but in this case, I'm not interested anymore and even a little pissed at him. I guess maybe he will learn that sometimes people won't sit around and wait on you to make up your mind. By then, that person will be history.
SexKitten Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Exactly! I'm not playing games, because what I'm doing is just coming naturally. He had his chance, he blew it, and now I'm over it! Bad for him I guess...but I can't make myself like him again. I guess I'm not too good at playing "games" when I really like someone but in this case, I'm not interested anymore and even a little pissed at him. I guess maybe he will learn that sometimes people won't sit around and wait on you to make up your mind. By then, that person will be history. good for you, nemesis. (and even though you're not playing games...it still must feel pretty darn good!!! )
scratch Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I'm not playing games, because what I'm doing is just coming naturally. He had his chance, he blew it, and now I'm over it! That's actually how the "game" works. You really can't fake disinterest for any prolonged period of time. It's damn near impossible to successfully play hard to get if you are genuinely interested, because you'll have too much to lose and won't be confident enough to risk it (for the economists here, consider the parallels to the Prisoner's Dilemma). On the other hand, if you don't hold back at all, you always run the risk of the other person feeling bored and smothered. I'd love to hear some opinions on how to negotiate this middle ground.
alphamale Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I guess the moral of the story is this: At least in the initial stages of a courtship, play HARD TO GET. I laid my feelings out on the line just a few weeks ago for this guy, just to be ignored. Now that I turned the tables, he is puddy in my hands XNX, it is human nature to want what you cannot get or which is hard to get. Most people want to hit the Lotto, that is hard to get Most people want a Ferrari or Rolls Royce, which are hard to get Most men want Pam Anderson, who is hard to get
scratch Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale XNX, it is human nature to want what you cannot get or which is hard to get. Most people want to hit the Lotto, that is hard to get Most people want a Ferrari or Rolls Royce, which are hard to get Most men want Pam Anderson, who is hard to get Are you of the opinion that people want money, nice posessions and beautiful women primarily because they are hard to get? Isn't it more accurate to say that these are hard to get BECAUSE they are desirable? Perhaps this is a chicken-and-egg problem, but only on a very philosophical level. While your first point about human nature is correct, your analogy stinks.
alphamale Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Isn't it more accurate to say that these are hard to get BECAUSE they are desirable? No, SCRATCH, they are desirable because they are hard to get AND the supply is extremely limited. If everyone was physically beautiful then dating a beautiful person would be no big deal. If everyone drove a Ferrari then having one would be not big deal. If everone had M.D. behind their name then physicians would not be held in such high regard.
scratch Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale No, SCRATCH, they are desirable because they are hard to get AND the supply is extremely limited. If everyone was physically beautiful then dating a beautiful person would be no big deal. If everyone drove a Ferrari then having one would be not big deal. If everone had M.D. behind their name then physicians would not be held in such high regard. There really is no "and" if you are speaking on a purely theoretical level, which I did not realize you were. Note my caveat above. Money is probably the best example - as a meduim of exchange, difficulty in acquisition and scarcity are charaterisically indistinguishable from one another. Consider how little anyone would care about winning the lottery in a South American country with hyperinflation. However, in our daily lives, we don't really think about things in such a macro sense. I don't know too many people who sit around and think of ways to increase the total supply of beautiful women or exotic cars, but instead concentrate on how to acquire those currently in existence.
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch I don't know too many people who sit around and think of ways to increase the total supply of beautiful women or exotic cars, but instead concentrate on how to acquire those currently in existence. Wrong on this one - I think of ways I can breed from beautiful women *a lot*. My only interest is improving things for the next generation
scratch Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Wrong on this one - I think of ways I can breed from beautiful women *a lot*. My only interest is improving things for the next generation I hear you. Now all we have to do is figure out how to convince the beautiful women already out there that WE can actually increase their chances of breeding beautiful children. Preferably without feeding them alcohol.
SexKitten Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch That's actually how the "game" works. You really can't fake disinterest for any prolonged period of time. It's damn near impossible to successfully play hard to get if you are genuinely interested, because you'll have too much to lose and won't be confident enough to risk it (for the economists here, consider the parallels to the Prisoner's Dilemma). On the other hand, if you don't hold back at all, you always run the risk of the other person feeling bored and smothered. I'd love to hear some opinions on how to negotiate this middle ground. but she is REALLY not interested, she's not faking it. she wasn't planning on doing this, she just lost interest, and that's when he decided to come around. it's not playing a game, it's just bad timing for him.
CurlyIam Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Scratch... I must say I'm impressed with your theory. I think you've hit the nail in the head with the "desirable" remark. Hopefully some people are over the "limited ressources" frame of mind. In Nemesis case, the guy would have gove after her and the only other 2 beautiful females in town .
scratch Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten but she is REALLY not interested, she's not faking it. she wasn't planning on doing this, she just lost interest, and that's when he decided to come around. it's not playing a game, it's just bad timing for him. That's why I put the word "game" in quotation marks. Ironically, the only time one can "play" it successfully is when one isn't playing at all. I assure you, if you actually try to pretend to be disinterested when it's not how you genuinely feel, you will come out alone (and feel stupid) the overwhelming majority of the time.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch I assure you, if you actually try to pretend to be disinterested when it's not how you genuinely feel, you will come out alone (and feel stupid) the overwhelming majority of the time. How does that effect the NO CONTACT rule?
alphamale Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch I assure you, if you actually try to pretend to be disinterested when it's not how you genuinely feel, you will come out alone (and feel stupid) the overwhelming majority of the time. Bullshyt you will come out alone.
tokyo Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Ironically, the only time one can "play" it successfully is when one isn't playing at all. Yep.
SexKitten Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 i don't think that's true...i have played hard to get and it's worked quite a few times. the relationships may not have lead into marriage, but the "game" did lead into a few very good relationships. no one likes despair, it's a turn off. people want what they can't have, that's a given. it's less of a "game" actually, then it is about knowing how to balance.
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