GooseChaser Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) When people first start dating someone new, regardless of their relationship goals, it often has a "casual" start. On early dates, are there good ways to tell if someone who you are casually dating could potentially have serious interest in you, or if casual is all they ever intend to be? Can you even tell based on how they approach you in-person or online? I've run into this question a few times so I have some interest in exploring this and learning to screen dates a bit better. One observation I've had is that the casual guys I've known often keep topics at a more superficial level for the most part, except perhaps when they're evaluating if the other person is a good mate choice or when it benefits them to do otherwise. They are often also quick to make physical moves, naturally. So yeah, sorta common sense. I find they're also usually quite forthcoming about what they're looking for, if not always right away. Though I'm interested in all of it, I would like to hear more about how serious-minded people act differently in particular because I think it's important to know. Thank you for reading! Edited September 27, 2015 by GooseChaser
d0nnivain Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I like to know whether they have ever had a serious relationship, how long it lasted, why and when it ended. If they are over 22 & their longest relationship was 6 months in high school, they probably don't want anything more than casual. Similarly, if they are divorced & haven't had something more than a few months, they are enjoying being single. 1
thecrucible Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I like to know whether they have ever had a serious relationship, how long it lasted, why and when it ended. If they are over 22 & their longest relationship was 6 months in high school, they probably don't want anything more than casual. Similarly, if they are divorced & haven't had something more than a few months, they are enjoying being single. I agree with you on this. I never thought about it until I read an opinion similar to yours on here. Someone said "I'm not interested in dating a guy who's only known women as short-term play things". And it made me think. So I always pay attention to this now. The last guy I dated was inexperienced with long-term relationships and it really showed. I don't think I'm being too picky on this as I have had a couple of long-term relationships myself. I also think what they talk about on the date is an indication of how much they like you. Guys who've treated me casually have avoided deep questions before. I'm not talking clingy 'will you be my boyfriend? type questions but simply asking what their dreams are and what they are aiming for in life. Trying to get to know someone on a deeper level can be a brick wall if they only want something casual. I can't convey this in words. I just think my intuition has picked up on a casual attitude before just based on style of conversation, how many questions they ask me about myself and of what flavour. Men who have genuinely wanted to get to know me have actually taken it slower because they are in no rush to make things move faster and are just enjoying talking to me. I don't think of these guys as wimps (like some would), I just think it's a normal way to act if looking for something with substance. Also I've learnt from online dating, that a guy can respond with long messages with questions on the end without being sleazy and at the end of the day, still just want to get a shag when they meet you. You never know until you meet them in person.
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