LostOne1 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 So, there was this girl at my fitness centre during one of our classes at the gym that I thought was interested in me. She would always warm up near me, or walk from the other side of the room to help me with my weights. And, this is a woman I wasn't really that close with if at all. I approached her at one time too, just to talk to her and get to know her better. I always noticed she would look at me at times and I'd catch her. So after a month almost, I decided to find out and asked her out. She told me he was free during the weekend. But, I never got her number that day, as she was bombarded with tons of her friends. So I asked her during the weekend through Facebook, as it was the only means to contact her. Seeing, I didn't want to wait another week or so. She said in a messages that she had an event to attend so she would be busy. And, that I caught her off guard the day I asked her in person. And she doesn't want to date someone at the same gym/fitness center. So, I guess the question is how do you analyze what went wrong? I always hear writers stating take the rejection well. But, also LEARN from it. I kind of feel like this might be some what wrong? I mean, how can I Learn from it if there could be a million reasons as to why she said no? Or for the fact it could be that what she said is true.....
Buddhist Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 The only thing to learn here is that she doesn't want to date you. That's it. Nothing more to see people. I hate relationship books that encourage people to see rejection as a product of their tactics. No.....sometimes people don't want to date you because it's their choice. You might do everything right and they still say no. Nothing went wrong, you didn't mess up. You asked a question and got a no. They are not interested in you. Learn to accept it and move on. A female may stare or make eye contact with a male for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with sexual attraction. It pisses me off that a female making eye contact with someone who doesn't happen to have a vagina = OMG she wants you sexually. No. Sometimes women just make eye contact with people. Sometimes women make conversation with people. Sometimes women do nice things for people. And sometimes it means nothing more than her being friendly or nice. 3
ThugLifing Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 She was just giving excuses to let you down easy. Maybe she was busy, but if she wanted to go out and liked you, going to the same gym wouldn't matter. Keep it moving.. 1
thunder777 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 u failed because you found her fb without her telling u what her fb was that would have scared her u should have waited for the next class
Author LostOne1 Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 u failed because you found her fb without her telling u what her fb was that would have scared her u should have waited for the next class No that's not it... as we have known each other for 2 months almost. And, she added all our other gym class friends, as I added them. But, we never added each other. She knows I was on there. I'm guessing she never added me to not give me the wrong message.
Author LostOne1 Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 The only thing to learn here is that she doesn't want to date you. That's it. Nothing more to see people. I hate relationship books that encourage people to see rejection as a product of their tactics. No.....sometimes people don't want to date you because it's their choice. You might do everything right and they still say no. Nothing went wrong, you didn't mess up. You asked a question and got a no. They are not interested in you. Learn to accept it and move on. A female may stare or make eye contact with a male for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with sexual attraction. It pisses me off that a female making eye contact with someone who doesn't happen to have a vagina = OMG she wants you sexually. No. Sometimes women just make eye contact with people. Sometimes women make conversation with people. Sometimes women do nice things for people. And sometimes it means nothing more than her being friendly or nice. See the thing is.. it was much more than her looking. She would always work out in one area during a warm up. She would do things for me or with me that she never did for any other guy. She just acted different with me... almost more nicer to me. Where with other guys she seemed more aggressive. Regardless, I have already moved on. I wanted a yes or no from her. I got my answer, and I'm good with moving on. At the same time I won't be bitter or mean to her when I see her again. I appreciate that she was at least honest with her intentions. That's all I can ask for.
Jules Dash Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 See the thing is.. it was much more than her looking. She would always work out in one area during a warm up. She would do things for me or with me that she never did for any other guy. She just acted different with me... almost more nicer to me. Where with other guys she seemed more aggressive. Regardless, I have already moved on. I wanted a yes or no from her. I got my answer, and I'm good with moving on. At the same time I won't be bitter or mean to her when I see her again. I appreciate that she was at least honest with her intentions. That's all I can ask for. Well at least you have a good attitude about it. Never assume someone is having the same experience as you are or having the same vibe as you are. You are wondering what went wrong because you were experiencing a certain vibe or attraction and assumed that there had to be something similar going on on her end because she treated you a certain way. You asked her out, which was generally the right thing to do, but she rejected you. Now you are wondering what happened. Nothing happened. You sort of projected an experience you were having onto her. She saw it differently. 2
d0nnivain Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I'm glad you moved on. She probably did find you attractive but then decided to over think it & concluded that she was scared that if things didn't work out that it wasn't worth the awkwardness afterwards, not that what she did doesn't make things awkward Your plan to forget her is probably best.
thunder777 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 No that's not it... as we have known each other for 2 months almost. And, she added all our other gym class friends, as I added them. But, we never added each other. She knows I was on there. I'm guessing she never added me to not give me the wrong message. nah man u crossed the her boundaries, u took a short cut she'd be saying to her friends "some guy at the gym who i barely know, started messaging me on fb, so creepy, i didnt even tell him my profile name" #stalker to u it doesnt seem so bad but for her, no matter how friendly you are at the gym, she didnt invite u into that world yet, u just invited yourself scared her off the friendship that was building was specifically dependent on the gym encounters, u decided to take a short cut. thats like looking her up in the phone book and messaging her phone
Jules Dash Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 nah man u crossed the her boundaries, u took a short cut she'd be saying to her friends "some guy at the gym who i barely know, started messaging me on fb, so creepy, i didnt even tell him my profile name" #stalker to u it doesnt seem so bad but for her, no matter how friendly you are at the gym, she didnt invite u into that world yet, u just invited yourself scared her off I bet you there is at least one man in that gym that she would not mind if he found her on Facebook and messaged her. 1
smackie9 Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 She was interested, but the "event" was probably a date with someone else. She might have gotten a better offer.
Author LostOne1 Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 Well at least you have a good attitude about it. Never assume someone is having the same experience as you are or having the same vibe as you are. You are wondering what went wrong because you were experiencing a certain vibe or attraction and assumed that there had to be something similar going on on her end because she treated you a certain way. You asked her out, which was generally the right thing to do, but she rejected you. Now you are wondering what happened. Nothing happened. You sort of projected an experience you were having onto her. She saw it differently. Now that I look back. You are totally right! I think at first I always told myself she is just being nice and friendly. And, I left it at that and always did my own thing. But, I'm still some what glad I did ask her out. I mean in the end, if you are attracted to someone you gotta go for it. I did and it didn't work out for me. But, I guess that leaves me with a huge question. How do I know when a woman is interested vs. me projecting my own view on/about her? Or did I do the right thing, by asking her out and just going for what I wanted?
Author LostOne1 Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 She was interested, but the "event" was probably a date with someone else. She might have gotten a better offer. No it was a tournament event. I know because it's on FB and one of my friends was there. So what she said was legit.
Author LostOne1 Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 nah man u crossed the her boundaries, u took a short cut she'd be saying to her friends "some guy at the gym who i barely know, started messaging me on fb, so creepy, i didnt even tell him my profile name" #stalker to u it doesnt seem so bad but for her, no matter how friendly you are at the gym, she didnt invite u into that world yet, u just invited yourself scared her off the friendship that was building was specifically dependent on the gym encounters, u decided to take a short cut. thats like looking her up in the phone book and messaging her phone Maybe you're right. But, I don't buy it, as we've talked a bit at the gym. Plus she has added tons of people she has only said Hi to at the gym. Where, at least with me she has talked a bit. Then again, you could be right with the fact that she has indeed added all these other people we mutually know. But, she never added me as a friend. Either way, I don't regret the route I took. It was this or asking her out in front of 4-5 other female members. And, that would've been worse off if her excuse was not to date anyone from the gym. I bet you there is at least one man in that gym that she would not mind if he found her on Facebook and messaged her. Well.. she has added quite a few guys already. But, most of them are married, have kids or are dating someone. Not sure why she never added me though... but at least now I can say neither of us will be adding each other for sure.
Author LostOne1 Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 I'm glad you moved on. She probably did find you attractive but then decided to over think it & concluded that she was scared that if things didn't work out that it wasn't worth the awkwardness afterwards, not that what she did doesn't make things awkward Your plan to forget her is probably best. Well.. to be honest I felt that way at the start. I was thinking why ask her out, as if things go wrong or she says no I have to see her at least 2-3 times a week. I always held out till a friend told me to go for what I want. As, I always lay back and never get aggressive enough to ask women I am interested in out. Maybe her mind changed for some reason, or maybe someone said something to her about it. I do know a lot of couples have met through this gym. I was surprised actually.... most of the coaches met their girlfriends this way too. The thing is... I wasn't going to be whiny and tell her that fact. I mean... I shouldn't have too nor should I have to convince her to go out with me. She should be excited that I asked her out. If not, then I guess she isn't worth investing my time into any longer. I guess it's on to the next one.
Jules Dash Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Now that I look back. You are totally right! I think at first I always told myself she is just being nice and friendly. And, I left it at that and always did my own thing. But, I'm still some what glad I did ask her out. I mean in the end, if you are attracted to someone you gotta go for it. I did and it didn't work out for me. But, I guess that leaves me with a huge question. How do I know when a woman is interested vs. me projecting my own view on/about her? Or did I do the right thing, by asking her out and just going for what I wanted? All that matters is thar you are interested or not. You don't need to know if she is interested or not prior to approaching a woman of your interest. This is the whole idea of cold approaching someone. I'm going to sound like old man Dash here but that's okay since I'm in my 40s. But back when I was growing up, the whole challenge amongst the guys I grew up with was to approach a girl walking up the street and getting her phone number or getting her to let you walk alongside them and talk with them. Those young ladies were strangers. They had no interest in us before we approached them. The idea was to get them interested in us. Now we have the internet and all we have to do is swipe right. 1
alphamale Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 dude there are plenty of chicks, move on to the next one 1
thunder777 Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 you notice how you have a thorough awareness of her fb activities your just a random guy at the gym, a stranger almost. but here you are able to provide full descriptions on her social media, youre not even friends consider how creepy that would make a woman feel and what a turn off that would be to any girl. she wouldnt know of your monitoring but the fact you messaged her is small evidence of uninvited intrusion.
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