livelife Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 So, I can't believe I'm back here. But this website really helps me with breakups. I've posted on here one other time during a breakup, but this one is worse. Backstory: We dated 2 years, love each other unconditionally... both are in college. I pushed him to be in school because I could see a future with him and in return wanted him to have a future for himself. Anyways, we would fight here and there, nothing major. The one thing we did fight about was him smoking weed occasionally. I come from a "ritzy" family I guess you could say, where weed is not tolerated by my mom and stepdad. They just don't like it and they want to see me dating the best person I can. That rolled off on me and I didn't like weed, so I told him I had standards for myself and wouldn't date someone who smokes. Here's the thing: He is 23, 24 in February. His brother, who is 20 years old, is a huge pot head and has no friends, so he wants to hang out with my boyfriend all the time. Gets him to smoke, so thats where the fights started happening. Most recent fight was about a week ago where I told him I was done if he was going to keep smoking I was not going to tolerate it any more. He said he would stop. Since then, things have been rocky. He knew I was unsure about the relationship and was going to see how things went. My boyfriend is friends with his brother, of course, and Im not going to tell him he can't hang out with him, but we see each other once a week- for no excuse besides that he is busy with school. However, in the free time he has, he prefers to see his brother over me, and that bothers me. Especially most recently when we are having a fight and he has been trying to remind me how much he loves me, but he doesn't SHOW it. He goes on his free time to hang out with everyone but me. *exaggeration, but you get it.* So, I finally had enough. I just don't think he is in the position to have a relationship, I deserve to be treated better, and so it ended in a break up. Keep in mind this literally happened 30 minutes ago. I really need advice because I have terrible anxiety and break ups are extremely hard for me... I don't eat, don't sleep, don't go out, and I separate myself. I ditched my mom and stepdad tonight on watching a movie to go upstairs and cry to myself. Please keep your comments regarding my stance on weed to yourself, because thats not the issue here. I just want advice on how to be okay. Thank you.
rams10 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I am so sorry, but you do deserve to be treated better and I can tell from your post that you have high self-esteem, which means you'll ultimately find a much better guy for you. I deal with breakups just as you describe, and my Own 2 y relationship just ended. This may sound bad but for me, the best way to get over it is to just get back out there & start getting to know/going on dates w other guys. Very quickly reminds me there are many more from which To choose, and keeps me from fixating on my ex and the pain.
Author livelife Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 Thanks Rams, I think right now it seems like I am okay with it because I took a xanax (shamefully) for it. I am prescribed to it and try my best to only take it when necessary. It's just ridiculous, how can you say you love someone and treat them like that? The thing for me is yeah I am only 23, but I am about to graduate and I am scared I won't meet anyone... and at that won't meet anyone that made me feel as comfortable as he did( when things were good) Ultimately, he did treat me well, he would bring me flowers, but lately it has declined a ton and I couldn't handle it anymore. I'm not snobby, I don't expect to get showered with gifts, all I want is to see effort in the relationship and ultimately I saw none.
mightycpa Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Too bad you don't come from a "ritzy" family where weakness and lack of discipline is not tolerated either... but wait! I'll bet you do! This is a great opportunity for you to examine this "anxiety" and kick it in the ass. News flash - being in love with a boy who turns out not to be who you need him to be is a rite of passage. Of course it sucks, and of course it hurts. Now all you have to do is understand this, and find the strength to pull through. You're no different than anybody else. You're just letting it get to you, and you're exhibiting fragility in dealing with it. Winston Churchill said that if you ever find yourself going through hell, then just keep on going, and you'll eventually walk out the other end. Maybe this is a chance to deal with both things.
NoLeafClover Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) I Bet you guys are back together already. Btw My ex dated a chronic pot Smoker for a while...eventually she started doing it. You either become one or don't date them. There is no in between. Chronic pot heads never quite like that. They will be 40 and still smoke. One thing I don't agree is for you to breakup with him because your family doesn't like pot smokers. Family's opinion matters but if pot is not a problem to you, then it shouldn't matter what family says. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you are going to break up with him, make sure it's because of YOU and not your family. Edited September 27, 2015 by NoLeafClover 1
Author livelife Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 I Bet you guys are back together already. Btw My ex dated a chronic pot Smoker for a while...eventually she started doing it. You either become one or don't date them. There is no in between. Chronic pot heads never quite like that. They will be 40 and still smoke. One thing I don't agree is for you to breakup with him because your family doesn't like pot smokers. Family's opinion matters but if pot is not a problem to you, then it shouldn't matter what family says. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you are going to break up with him, make sure it's because of YOU and not your family. 1, we aren't back together. I'm not speaking to him. Also, I said it wasn't because of the weed that I broke up with him, I said that was why we fought. I broke up with him because he doesn't make time to see me, when he is free he hangs out with everyone but me, and for 2 years I think you should see your girlfriend more than once or twice every two weeks.
Author livelife Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 Too bad you don't come from a "ritzy" family where weakness and lack of discipline is not tolerated either... but wait! I'll bet you do! This is a great opportunity for you to examine this "anxiety" and kick it in the ass. News flash - being in love with a boy who turns out not to be who you need him to be is a rite of passage. Of course it sucks, and of course it hurts. Now all you have to do is understand this, and find the strength to pull through. You're no different than anybody else. You're just letting it get to you, and you're exhibiting fragility in dealing with it. Winston Churchill said that if you ever find yourself going through hell, then just keep on going, and you'll eventually walk out the other end. Maybe this is a chance to deal with both things. I was not trying to be rude when I said ritzy. My stepdad is just an executive at a huge corporation and expects us to date someone who is able to support us...I agree with him I don't want to date a loser, so just because I said ritzy does not mean I am a total snob, I'm not. I just have standards. But I appreciate this post thank you. I have been trying to handle my anxiety and went to a doctor about it and they prescribed me to something.
mightycpa Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I was not trying to be rude when I said ritzy. My stepdad is just an executive at a huge corporation and expects us to date someone who is able to support us...I agree with him I don't want to date a loser, so just because I said ritzy does not mean I am a total snob, I'm not. I just have standards. But I appreciate this post thank you. I have been trying to handle my anxiety and went to a doctor about it and they prescribed me to something. Yeah, I read that. Now, I'm not sure what the objection to weed is, and I don't really care, but that and the embrace of Xanax (for example) seems to be a little...irreconcilable. It could be said that both substances help you disconnect from stress, although in different ways. Not everybody who smokes pot turns out to be a loser, and some people who take the anti-anxiety drugs become dependent on them. You might actually be better off smoking weed in the short-term for your anxiety. I don't know, I just thought that was weird.
Author livelife Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 Yeah, I read that. Now, I'm not sure what the objection to weed is, and I don't really care, but that and the embrace of Xanax (for example) seems to be a little...irreconcilable. It could be said that both substances help you disconnect from stress, although in different ways. Not everybody who smokes pot turns out to be a loser, and some people who take the anti-anxiety drugs become dependent on them. You might actually be better off smoking weed in the short-term for your anxiety. I don't know, I just thought that was weird. I know. And i've talked to friends about that before because that did actually cross my mind, but I think where it comes different is that he has been to jail before for violating probation for smoking weed. He took a drug test and failed. This was before we started dating, but were friends so I had to see him in jail for it. I, on the other hand, am prescribed to this and it is legal.
Author livelife Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 So now that its night time and all is quiet, I'm having a really hard time. All of my friends are asleep so I have no one to talk to... I tried to lay down to go to sleep but I just started crying and now I can't stop. I don't want to feel like this
NoLeafClover Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Weed is a drug. He smokes pot and is addicted and every pot smoker will tell you it's just a plant that grows in the dirt but it is actually more than a plant. You can't get a decent job if you test positive of that. Any office job I have work ed requires a test. I have two friend s that failed to get a job tin a freaking factory because of weed. ALSO one doesn't need to smoke weed to feel worth being a human. He is a loser, you can do better and most importantly you will not get anywhere with him in your life. You will eventually break up and if you string it along it might be years from now when you realize this. Unless you smoke pot, move along to someone else or you will go into this cycle over and over again.
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