wolvie666 Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 I was a regular here way back last summer after the girl I'd been with for 7 years decided to leave me for someone else. I took it very hard, and it took me a long time to recover. I started dating again late in the fall, but never felt totally satisfied nor totally over what happened. I decided that getting out of the area was my best bet and began making plans to move to New York City. I saved and arranged a transfer with my job, secured a place to live, and then about a month before I was ready to go my ex came back into my life. Single and seriously regreting everything she did. I couldn't deny that my feelings for her were still very strong and it wasn't long before we were telling each other that we loved each other again. She knew about my arrangements and that made everything very difficult. At the same time part of me wanted to move though. I promised her that I would be back to visit and even tried to talk her into moving with me, but she owns her own business and said she couldn't do that. When I moved it was on good terms and we agreed we would try and make it work. That was a few weeks ago. Now she isn't emotionally capable of handling my being away. She calls me crying say it's keeping her up at night and that she doesn't understand why I had to leave when we were just working things out. I guess I'm unsure about what I want. I often have tears in my eyes thinking about her, and the thought of losing her is hard, but at the same time I really love where I'm living and can see myself being here for a while anyway. I guess I feel guilty because I'm in this position where I'm hurting her. I'm torn. I do love her and want to be with her, but I don't want to move back anytime soon. She said she thinks it might be better if we don't talk for awhile and if that's what she wants, I'll do it. I guess I don't know how to handle this. She tell's me how sorry she is and that she'll never find another guy like me, and I feel like there's no other girl like her either, but I wanna live here right now, like for a while. How do I handle this? I'm breaking her heart! She's a very sweet and vulnerable girl...
ConfusedInOC Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Umm, she broke your heart first, right? Then she came back to you, broken and tattered. And you took her back, right away? Did she LEARN anything from dumping you?! I think if you coddle her then you will show her that she can walk out on you anytime and you'll take her back. You were dating for 7 years, did she leave because you wouldn't propose?! If you know she's the right one, what are you waiting for? I guess there are a lot more questions I have than answers and should probably go back and read over your threads. Even if by some miracle of God my ex comes back to me, I wouldn't take her back right away. She'd have to prove to me beyond a doubt she loves me, she really did make a big mistake and that she'll never do it again. And for that, she'd have to work very, very hard to prove it. You don't break someone's heart and then just waltz right in so easily. At least not in my book.
TheBarnacle Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 ask yourself if you're feeling "love" or feeling "guilt". some people get tied up in pleasing or comforting. thus, they feel bad about hurting someone else. you had 7+ years with this person, my guess is you feel more than guilt. i can't imagine in only 1 year you're fine, over her, ok, etc. THAT SAID....it sounds to me that you've made your decision. you LIKE where you are, you WANT to stay. so...what's the problem? she's not over you? duh! only a year, she feels like she made a mistake, etc. that's not your fault NOR your problem. i think you've been honest with her, asking her to come with you, etc. you've made the decision, that's half the battle, the rest is courage. you need to buck up on that. if she isn't willing to move and you're not either.... i've been in that spot. still not reconciled my feelings for the woman who left, and neither has she. i wonder if that's healthy? don't follow my example (2+ years in limbo!!!)...do your best to act. either you go back, or she comes to you.
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