luckylung Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Okay, so some background: I've only been in a serious relationship with one person, and it lasted almost two years. We were friends first, so I already knew her and was close to her before we started a romantic relationship. But now we're broken up (since about March this year), and so I've gone to Tinder to try to get back out I guess, but I've never done any actual dating before, like meeting a person specifically for a date. But last night I did meet someone and had a date with him. I've only talked to him the day before on Tinder (Friday), and he ended up being in the area last night (still Friday), and he was like, want to go out tonight? So I agreed, and he met me near my dorm in the city and it was nice and we ate at Panera and talked and stuff. Then after Panera we walked around a bit (towards his car I guess). Then he gestured to his car and was like, want to hang out in there for a while, I'm kind of cold. So I agreed to it, and we both went into the backseat. We sat a bit and I kind of talked to him a bit, but I could tell he was wanting to kiss me, and eventually he came in to kiss me, and I ended up kissing back though, but I was so nervous and I was like: what am I doing? (It took me and my last girlfriend a year to actually kiss, so that's why I was kind of freaking out so much). Then we kissed some more, and it was kind of making out, but he never actually put his tongue in my mouth, but it was just a lot of kissing and caressing. I kind of kept stopping though, and he did say to tell him if I felt uncomfortable at all, and I was like 'okay', but I ended up kissing him a little more. But I don't know we kissed on and off for about 10 minutes, then he had to leave, and so I left from his car. BUt as soon as I got out I was like oh god what am i doing??????? I mean like, I really liked him and he was funny, nice, and cute!! And it even felt like I could trust him, but then I'm also thinking like, am I too trusting too soon? SO then I texted him about it all, and told him I am usually into longterm relationships, but he wasn't really sure what he wanted yet either though, and idk I said I was sorry about it all, and then he ended up not texting me back. We were supposed to go out today (Saturday), but he never texted me today about it, so maybe I scared him off.... I'm just wondering like, was it all too fast? Or is that normal for a first date? I am totally clueless as to how first dates are supposed to be like, kissing-wise. And I thought I am pretty asexual/demisexual, but I ended up kissing him back anyway, and I liked it, but I was also terrified. Idk, am I just thinking too much into it and do I need to calm down about it all and let it all go with the flow, or am I right to be scared/suspicious/nervous with how fast he wanted to make out with me??? And now I really want to be able to hang out with him again because I really liked him... (....and i did enjoy the kissing....), but idk, he didn't text me today so I feel like he has moved on already??? Is it too late to do anything about it all? Sorry for the long story, I am just totally clueless on this stuff! Any insight would be appreciated thank you all!
fitnessfan365 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Yes definitely WAY too fast IMO. There's nothing wrong with wanting a LTR. But my advice? Take it on a case by case basis and only bring it up with a guy you have an established dating history with (at least 8-10 dates). That way you know if he's actually got relationship potential and don't scare him off by bringing up commitment after ONE date.
Author luckylung Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 Wait, so too fast on talking about things like I did, or too fast with us kissing so soon? Like is that okay, to kiss so soon? ALso yeah, I realize now that talking about a LTR so soon is really fast, but I'm also really afraid of being lied to again I think (that's how my last relationship ended), so I was nervous I am just one of his many Tinder dates or something ... which I know it could be possible, but still, idk. :') Is it possible for me to still text him and say like hey, I want to try just dating you some more maybe, and I realized I was too nervous about it all? Or do you think I sacred him off already? I mean, he seemed to like me too, but I was afraid that I was just "one of many".
fitnessfan365 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 You're over thinking it in all honesty. The best mentality to have it to take it date by date being in the moment w/no expectations. Remember, your past history has nothing to do with future people you meet. So trying to "cover your bases" will put too much pressure on things. At this point, the ball is in his court to contact you. If he doesn't, I'd suggest meeting other guys. You did only have one date w/the guy.
Author luckylung Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 AH, yesyes, true. Yeah, I've decided I should just go date by date and be more calm about it all. :') I actually just texted him now tho, just a simple "hhey what are you up to?" My friend suggested doing it but she said to just wait and see if he replies, yes.
d0nnivain Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 A couple of things. Since you mentioned dorm, I'm a assuming you are in college. look around school for someone to date. Tinder is for casual NSA hookups, not LTRs. Stay off that site if you want commitment. Educate yourself about safety. On a 1st date with a stranger from Tinder, NEVER get in the car, go to his place or let him in yours! You got lucky here. You had no idea that guy wasn't some crazy who took the door handles off who was going to not let you out & rape you. The kissing wasn't a problem as long as it was your choice. Practically hearing your soul to him, talking about LTRs & the future, waaaayyyyy over the top. Keep the 1st few dates light. The only future that exists is whether you want another date. Also stop trying to have conversations like that over text. It's a lousy way to communicate.
kpl Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Give yourself a break and consider this a lost. Dating is good and its a good idea to practice b/c the longer you do it the less little mistakes you make and the better you get at checking out red flags (i.e. "it's cold" let's get in my car, huge red flag!!). You didn't owe this guy an apology and I'm sorry but you probably came off a little odd OR dramatic and he didnt want any part of it. Don't treat everyone you go out with like the last person on earth. If you reach out and don't hear from someone move on. If someone says they are going to call/text and don't move on. They have already shown you their interest level OR their inability to stick to their word. I don't agree that Tinder is specifically for hookups maybe for the under 25, but I've had longish term relationships from tinder, and know plenty of other ppl who have as well, it depends.
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