RedfordStephens Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) Hi all, so there' a girl that I really like, and right now I just feel like I'm getting mixed signals or something. But I'm also worried this is all just in my head and that she's really just not interested. Would like to get your insights. We know each other from class, and we've spoken to each other, and share common interests, the first day, she made sure I got her number and wanted to make plans outside of class. We went on one date and we made out but didn't go further than that. A few days later, we ran into each other at a party by a mutual friend. Anyway, I felt like she was being distant the whole night and just didn't want to talk. I got a little too drunk and right before she left ended up blurting out that I liked her. She didn't say anything and it just ended up being awkward. I just took that as a sign of her not being interested and got it in my mind to just move on. Then the next morning, she texts me and says sorry about how she reacted, that she was drunk. Then she says that "she's just not looking for anything right now." I replied it was okay, and again just wanted to move on. Whenever a girl has told me that she's not looking for anything, I just assume that they're not interested, and stop pursuing. The next time we have class together, she decides to sit next to me and talk, but I really didn't feel like saying much. After class, she says she wants to hang out outside of class. We schedule, but the day of, she couldn't make it, but she rescheduled, this time I was the one who couldn't make it, and at this point, I'm thinking she just wants to hang out and be friends, and I'm not really interested in that. Our next class together, I decide not to sit next to her. And the day after, she texts me first and once again wants to make plans, but I just tell her I'm busy and don't really make an effort to reschedule. It's been a few days and I haven't really tried to speak with her since, especially since I've never really liked having conversations through texting, except to make plans and talk in person. I'm really just confused right now. Since she said she wasn't looking for anything, I just took that as meaning she wasn't interested. But normally, when a girl has said that, we just end up drifting apart. Or we talk, but don't really make an effort to see each other outside of class. Now, she's the one initiating the conversation and trying to make plans. I guess my question is this: When a girl says "she's not looking for anything." What does that mean? She didn't say she wanted to be "just friends" but normally that's how I take it. Does that mean just sex, and not necessarily a relationship? Casual dating? I guess I'd just like to know how I should go about this. Should I make plans with her? I've already made it clear that I like her, when we see each other outside of class, she understands that I like her. I'm probably overthinking. Please help! Edited September 27, 2015 by RedfordStephens
Siquijor Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 A possible scenario She liked you but she met someone else who she preferred more which was the reason why she went all cold. This someone else blew her out so she's rekindled the interest with you. Or She could just be a gamer
sagetalk Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Hi all, "she's just not looking for anything right now." That means that she isn't looking for anything with you. If a guy she liked asked her out, she'd beg him for a relationship. This is not confusing, it is clear as a sunny day. Move on.
Author RedfordStephens Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 That means that she isn't looking for anything with you. If a guy she liked asked her out, she'd beg him for a relationship. This is not confusing, it is clear as a sunny day. Move on. I mean, I agree, like I said, everytime a girl has said that I take it for what it is and move on which is what I thought I would do with this one too. But those girls generally don't initiate conversations or start texting me first and try to make plans after that..
bettermistakes Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 She could potentially be using you for attention since she knows you like her. Only one way to find out, though. Go ahead and make plans to hang out and see what happens. One date isn't a significant emotional/time investment.
GemmaUK Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Maybe she has had time to think after you said you liked her - it's happened often to me where I haven't had a clue someone liked me and then when I find out they do it needs a bit of time to sink in. I've dated off the back of that happening. Go for a coffee and ask her whether she is looking or whether she said that initially as a knee jerk reaction to finding out for the first time that you liked her. She certainly seems to be interested in getting to know you.
sagetalk Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I mean, I agree, like I said, everytime a girl has said that I take it for what it is and move on which is what I thought I would do with this one too. But those girls generally don't initiate conversations or start texting me first and try to make plans after that.. She likes that you like her. It makes her feel good about herself. If all you want to do is inflate her ego, then by all means. It's your life. However, if you want a girlfriend, I would look elsewhere for now. If you want to date her, break away a few months and ask her out again. If it's still a lame response, then move on.
EricaH329 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I'd just like to start by saying that I could be totally and completely wrong about this. It's really hard to tell what her motives are without knowing who she is personally. After reading your post, my first gut instinct is that she just wants to have fun. People don't have to be ready for a relationship, but still want the attention and flirting. Maybe even possibly a hook-up. Either way, I think you're right to move on. If she tells you that she isn't ready for a relationship, trust her. If/when she feels like she'd start to date you, she'll let you know. Asking to hang out does *not* imply that she's changed her mind. Just my 2 cents. Edit: That is, of course, assuming you don't want to just be friends with her (or just a hook-up). Which is what I gathered after reading your post.
Kkristine Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 To me, it sounds like she likes playing with you. She's interested. She finds out you're interested too. She backs away. You, then back away. She's into you again. Just my take on it.
thecrucible Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 It sounds like she is unsure, and possibly she may genuinely not want a relationship with anyone. Generally, it's a way to let a guy down gently by being considerate of his feelings. I mean she could have ignored you rather than saying she was sorry about how she reacted to blurting out your feelings that night. She obviously cares enough to try and make you feel a bit better about that. I don't think it's necessarily true that she just wants attention. She may genuinely want to be your friend. Although possibly she feels guilty and wants to make it up to by being nicer to you. It's hard to tell just from reading this. I disagree with other posters suggesting that she's only in it for attention and is a 'gamer'. That may not be the case at all.
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