I've been almost 5 months NC and this morning my ex txt's me...

[Eesybakeoven21]

Hey guys, as you know after my ex left me I was extremely hurt and broken and made many posts about it here. Since the breakup I've maintained strict 5 months NC. No Facebook, no social media, no anything. Lately I've been doing my same routine. Gym, kickboxing, and I recently moved in with some roommates. It's been hard, in fact yesterday I had a major breakdown about her after having many dreams about her. I still think about her all the time. Anyways, today she txt's me. I deleted her number but still have it memorized so obviously I know it's her hah. This is what she said:

 

"I never could bring myself to write this but I'm still broken from what we had. I know we did each other wrong and I really want to apologize for all the hurt I caused you. You didn't deserve it and I hope you are ok now. I try but still can't be I don't know why. I never stopped thinking about you and I sometimes get dreams of us being with each other and you're really happy and that makes me feel real good. When I wake up I'm miserable and think about you and if you're ok. I wish all the time I still had you and I pray for you. You were really my one love I realized. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you and I hope you're happy. I always loved you and I always will don't ever forget that." Thoughts? Reactions?

[hunk]

She is looking for some assuage of her guilt for what happened, although probably does miss you. I would just respond "i'm fine, thanks for asking. stop worrying about me!" or something along those lines. Do not go into detail, don't talk about her, don't talk about your feelings in any way, don't ask her anything. Just answer her question and make it blunt. She's looking for you to allow her to make this about herself. It's got nothing to do with you. She doesn't even realize it but even the wording of her message is communicating the idea that she "ruined" you and that she is aware she is the source of your misery and at a subconscious level she feels like she has leverage and is in a position of power over you. Now she feels like that power is slipping because you're moving along. That's where you want to be, now and forever. Just forget it. If you want to sleep with her again somewhere down the line (because that's all she's good for at this point, she left you) just keep ignoring.

[newmoon]

keep holding strong. delete it off your phone and quit re-reading it. maybe what she had going with someone else is failing, or failed. or there is some other misery in her life right now. the dumpers usually crawl back when their own life is in the toilet and they are stewing in regret. you have all the power now. enjoy it, revel in it, and let her get on being remorseful that she left you. maintain NC.

[thunder777]

yea i see it as her recent new relationship has broken down, she is stuck in a hole and asking you now to pull her out, any kind of strength from anywhere to rescue her

 

keep ignoring her man, dont reply at all

 

maybe you want her back which is ok, but make her plead & plead a bit more, until you get some ultimate sincerity, do not reply, ignoring her is power to you

 

but consider the fact that if you took her back, and laid in bed with her once again, would you find it disturbing that she has had another guy sleeping in that same spot for last 5 months, after she threw u out as garbage?

 

have you yourself been with anyone new since the break up??

[Michelle ma Belle]

How do YOU feel about that text?

[Eesybakeoven21]

No I haven't been with anyone at all. I tried sleeping with a friend who expressed her liking to me about a month after my ex left. And let's just say, I couldn't "show up" to play because I felt wrong about it. I felt uncomfortable. I felt like I was cheating on my ex. My ex's body was all I knew for the past 2 years and all I wanted. After that night with my friend, I took it as a sign that I'm not ready. So no, I've practically been all by myself for the past 5 months.

[Eesybakeoven21]

yea i see it as her recent new relationship has broken down, she is stuck in a hole and asking you now to pull her out, any kind of strength from anywhere to rescue her

 

keep ignoring her man, dont reply at all

 

maybe you want her back which is ok, but make her plead & plead a bit more, until you get some ultimate sincerity, do not reply, ignoring her is power to you

 

but consider the fact that if you took her back, and laid in bed with her once again, would you find it disturbing that she has had another guy sleeping in that same spot for last 5 months, after she threw u out as garbage?

 

have you yourself been with anyone new since the break up??

 

No I haven't been with anyone at all. I tried sleeping with a friend who expressed her liking to me about a month after my ex left. And let's just say, I couldn't "show up" to play because I felt wrong about it. I felt uncomfortable. I felt like I was cheating on my ex. My ex's body was all I knew for the past 2 years and all I wanted. After that night with my friend, I took it as a sign that I'm not ready. So no, I've practically been all by myself for the past 5 months.

[thunder777]

wow bit deep and bit shocked by that

 

unless she was butt ugly and not your type u had the ultimate healing/relief treatment right there and threw it all away to endure further pain

 

trust me when u wake up holding someone new youll literally feels the haunting demons fly away in seconds. whether it goes anywhere with new girl is irrelevant

[mightycpa]

Ordinarily, I'm with Hunk, but in this case I don't know. It could be she's having a bad case of the grass isn't greener blues, but if she was truly over you, she'd be out cock hunting right now, not writing this kind of note to you.

 

Maybe guys are different (they're not), but whenever I dumped a girl, if the next one didn't work out (which usually they did not), I didn't go back for more of the same. I looked for the next new one, and the new one after that. But when I dumped somebody, I meant it. Maybe she didn't.

 

I'm not saying that she's ready to come crawling back. For all I know, she's emotionally immature, and flaky, and not worth the trouble. After all, the devil pours honey into our exes.

 

But on the other hand, a message like that is pretty rare, and if you're still interested, you might want to begin a dialogue by asking her why she wrote that to you. Whatever you do, don't emote, and don't lie. Don't manipulate either. I'd just ask open-ended questions that will force her to think about her reply. I wouldn't be too quick to agree to a meeting either, without understanding her point of view. By making her write it down, if she has any misgivings at all about what she tells you, she'll edit it and try to say it just right. I think it will make her think a little about what she's feeling, and whether it is a temporary setback or the real thing.

 

Whatever it is, know that you're playing with fire if you engage here.

[mightycpa]

How do YOU feel about that text?

Excellent question.

[frigginlost]

I'm with Mighty on this one.

 

She goes a little bit farther than just a guilt shed...

 

I would do exactly what mighty has suggested.

[Eesybakeoven21]

Excellent question.

 

I feel sad. I feel sad that she is hurting. I was always a "rescuer" in our relationship. But also, this wasn't the first time. The last couple months of our relationship were rocky. She wanted "breaks" and even wanted an extended break on valentines day this past February. I begged for her back and she said she want to be alone for a bit. 4 days later I find out she is on a dating website and going on dates with some guy. 2 weeks after that she came back and said she made a mistake. We got back together. A month and half later she did the same thing only this time made sure to tell me she was officially dating a new guy (not even the same one as before) and told me to **** off or she'll get a restraining order against me.

[mightycpa]

ok, well that's flaky then. make yourself impossible to contact in that case.

[thunder777]

i dont think she respects you mate to be honest

 

youre her nice guy in between douche that she uses to fill in the blanks, and then when her next stud comes along she chucks u out like a bag of mouldy peas

 

allowing yourself to be treated this way, u yourself probably have no respect for yourself either, time to draw the line, and refuse yourself to be treated like dirt

 

she chooses the land of no integrity so she can remain in her sh#tlands and get what she deserves

 

change your number if you have to

[buddha84]

Reading your post reminds me of what my ex did to me. Right when I started having self-respect and said we were over for good, we wouldn't talk for a couple days. Then one day I come home, and I hear crying from her room (we were living together), and she comes out saying how sorry she is. Next day she is waiting for me to get home from work, has a present for me, says that she thought she could do better (implying that she couldn't) - we talked for hours, gave an intimate hug, and went to bed. Then the next day I get home from work, her door is closed, there's food from a date she went on, and her new guy is staying the night. Next day she tells me "I'm sorry if you thought we were getting back together, I just want to be friends. I'm in a committed relationship now". So I kicked her out until I moved out. These girls are toxic, and it's a toxic relationship to be in. I'm still dealing with my feelings for her, but I'm realizing we can never go out again.

 

Don't fall for the "future faking" - they dumped you, and they will never respect you if you take them back. They will more than likely do you wrong again. I've been through hell the last couple months because of a "grass is greener" a-hole. At the end of the day, go out to some clubs, look around you, and see how many hot and available women there are. Personal growth/working on yourself - getting out and meeting people, will do the trick.

[Meli22]

I don't know why she dumped you but that obviously would play a part..

 

If she thought the grass would be greener, it could be that she's realised it isn't and she's testing the waters. Or it could be to alleviate her own guilt. She's obviously under the impression that she's ruined your life. If it was me I'd reply and say you were doing good or something along those lines. Keep it simple. If she has more to say she will say it. But it all goes back to how you feel and what you want. You could easily ignore the message if you have no desire to get back with her at all, or if you're not interested in what she has to say.

[greenleaves54]

Well that's something but she has to do better than that, in my opinion.

 

I'd probably write something like: "No worries, I'm fine. Best wishes". Keep it polite, but short. If she's not happy with the response it's up to her to to speak more clearly about what she wants.

 

Given that you want to get back together with her...

[Michelle ma Belle]

I feel sad. I feel sad that she is hurting. I was always a "rescuer" in our relationship. But also, this wasn't the first time. The last couple months of our relationship were rocky. She wanted "breaks" and even wanted an extended break on valentines day this past February. I begged for her back and she said she want to be alone for a bit. 4 days later I find out she is on a dating website and going on dates with some guy. 2 weeks after that she came back and said she made a mistake. We got back together. A month and half later she did the same thing only this time made sure to tell me she was officially dating a new guy (not even the same one as before) and told me to **** off or she'll get a restraining order against me.

 

What is it YOU want from her? I mean, do you want to get back together with her yet again?

 

When do you get to that point where you're done with all the drama? How does it make you feel knowing she's always got one foot out the door? You don't have to be a rocket scientist to see how immature she is or that she has no clue what the hell she wants including you.

 

The fact the she sends you an apology text declaring her regret and remorse and abiding love for you is meaningless. Those are just a bunch of empty words strung together in her time of need to someone whose always been there for her whenever she comes to her senses. Don't you deserve more than this? Actions always speak louder than words and as far as I'm concerned, her actions are anything but worthy.

 

Being the nice guy you seem to be, I think the advice to send a short text like "No worries. All the best to you" if only to acknowledge her text followed by continued NC is not only the best advice but the only advice I'd give you.

 

And remember, we teach people how to treat us. It's a saying I use a lot on here because it's very true.

 

Good luck.

[lolablue17]

I think you're in the highest point you can get. She expressed her regrets, She loves you, and that the most you can have, to my opinion.

 

If you try to get some more, getting close to her, and even getting back together, you will understand the meaning of the word "loop", through your misery.

 

You can be very generous... You can thank her for the text, reply that you also made mistakes, wish her happiness, and mainly wish her that in her next love, she will learn how to spot what true love is, while it's happening, and not only after she sabotaged it, till it's too late.

[dumbass2]

I feel sad. I feel sad that she is hurting. I was always a "rescuer" in our relationship. But also, this wasn't the first time. The last couple months of our relationship were rocky. She wanted "breaks" and even wanted an extended break on valentines day this past February. I begged for her back and she said she want to be alone for a bit. 4 days later I find out she is on a dating website and going on dates with some guy. 2 weeks after that she came back and said she made a mistake. We got back together. A month and half later she did the same thing only this time made sure to tell me she was officially dating a new guy (not even the same one as before) and told me to **** off or she'll get a restraining order against me.

 

Ok, now that you have shared this with us, DO NOT reply and take her number and block it on your phone. This is BS to do this to you. Yeah, she feels guilty about how she treated you but she has not changed. That is a selfish email to send you after what you just told us that happened. Please please ignore and delete. I'd be pissed if I was you and the best thing to do to someone you want to send a message to, is ignore. That sends a more powerful message than words ever could.

[1wittyjaguar]

I feel sad. I feel sad that she is hurting. I was always a "rescuer" in our relationship. But also, this wasn't the first time. The last couple months of our relationship were rocky. She wanted "breaks" and even wanted an extended break on valentines day this past February. I begged for her back and she said she want to be alone for a bit. 4 days later I find out she is on a dating website and going on dates with some guy. 2 weeks after that she came back and said she made a mistake. We got back together. A month and half later she did the same thing only this time made sure to tell me she was officially dating a new guy (not even the same one as before) and told me to **** off or she'll get a restraining order against me.

 

 

YOU deserve much better than this! She treats you second rate, plays push/pull ... Hot/cold, takes advantage of you being a knight in shinning armor ......only to actually threatens you like a stalker! You should be me .... I'm angry for the way she treated you!

DO NOT contact Her .... The one moment she is alone (likely all of 10 min), she decides to contact you to reel you back in .... You are doing great with no contact by the fact that you Maintained it 5 months! She doesn't deserve to know anything about you, your thoughts or feelings!

[1wittyjaguar]

I feel sad. I feel sad that she is hurting. I was always a "rescuer" in our relationship. But also, this wasn't the first time. The last couple months of our relationship were rocky. She wanted "breaks" and even wanted an extended break on valentines day this past February. I begged for her back and she said she want to be alone for a bit. 4 days later I find out she is on a dating website and going on dates with some guy. 2 weeks after that she came back and said she made a mistake. We got back together. A month and half later she did the same thing only this time made sure to tell me she was officially dating a new guy (not even the same one as before) and told me to **** off or she'll get a restraining order against me.

 

 

YOU deserve much better than this! She treats you second rate, plays push/pull ... Hot/cold, takes advantage of you being a knight in shining armor ......only to actually threatens you like a stalker! You should be me .... I'm angry for the way she treated you!

DO NOT contact Her .... The one moment she is alone (likely all of 10 min), she decides to contact you to reel you back in .... You are doing great with no contact by the fact that you Maintained it 5 months! She doesn't deserve to know anything about you, your thoughts or feelings!

[1wittyjaguar]

I feel sad. I feel sad that she is hurting. I was always a "rescuer" in our relationship. But also, this wasn't the first time. The last couple months of our relationship were rocky. She wanted "breaks" and even wanted an extended break on valentines day this past February. I begged for her back and she said she want to be alone for a bit. 4 days later I find out she is on a dating website and going on dates with some guy. 2 weeks after that she came back and said she made a mistake. We got back together. A month and half later she did the same thing only this time made sure to tell me she was officially dating a new guy (not even the same one as before) and told me to **** off or she'll get a restraining order against me.

 

 

YOU deserve much better than this! She treats you second rate, plays push/pull ... Hot/cold, takes advantage of you being a knight in shining armor ......only to actually threatens you like a stalker! You should be MAD .... I'm angry for the way she treated you!

DO NOT contact Her .... The one moment she is alone (likely all of 10 min), she decides to contact you to reel you back in .... You are doing great with no contact by the fact that you Maintained it 5 months! She doesn't deserve to know anything about you, your thoughts or feelings!

[Marcihaynes]

Ok so I just read through everything... Including your first ever post. Me being a female and seeing myself in her I may have advice. I would not text her back today, give it a day. I understand you care about her and probably still have love for her. When she constantly brings up guys or jumps from guy to guy and actually tells you about it what she is wanting is a reaction from You, in my eyes I don't see her wanting a serious relationship or love with any of these other guys because she gets it from you. I did this to my ex until I got serious had children then he eventually lost interest in me. Maybe she has never had a guy love her and chase her like you do so she gets scared, maybe one day you will hurt her. So she constantly pushes you away. Hope this all makes sense But in the end it's up to you and if she does want to start a relationship up with you again I would take things slow and tell her she has to stop what she's doing its you two forever or not at all. Good luck

[Shock148]

So she has done this before with the breaks and whatnot only to date other men. It sounds like a cycle to me. And what will happen once you two are together again and she gets bored? If you want to be with her again I say tell her that you appreciate her kind words and that you are fine. You miss her as well but that is because we both were a big part of each others life. If you seriously want to get back together with her and give her 1 final chance then do it but take it extremely slow. I think the message she sent you was a genuine message about her feelings and that she did love you. Let her know as well that will be the final time you two attempt to work things out and once again take it extremely slow.