mysticrain Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 hi..i am in a so-called break up phase. it was because i started it.i accused him of being unfaithful to me and i have no proof.I misinterpreted the text message. Mainly it wasn't because of that, ever since we got together he has two cellphones that he always bring along with him all the time.And when he is with me he always stares at other girls who passes by, he would also look at his watch frequently when he is out on a date with me. He also won't introduce me to his family. We have been going out for 5 months. Before me he has a gf who was with him for 3 years and left him because he doesnt have time with her. He said he swore that after that girl nothing would hurt him again. And now came me. Whenever i see something in his celphone i will break up with him but he is used to it that i dont really mean it. We will be fine the next day. But this last time it got worst. He doesnt want to come back or he doesnt want us to be together anymore. His last words were " Please give me some time to myself". We never had a big fight at all. It was plain stupid and now he wants to give us a break. I am planning to not wait on him at all. What do i do? What does that mean? I read somewhere that when a man says things like that they jsut want todo things that single people do, date around, enjoy time with his family and there is jsut no me anymore. How long do i wait on him? He is 33 years old and im 24.
Candy Cane Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 Hi mysticrain. Please see my post in "Did I Do the Right Thing..."
Author mysticrain Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 hi, yes i read it. this is the third day and i want to change my number already. I dont want to wait and i dont have the patience to wait on him. What do you think?
Candy Cane Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 I'd only do that if you are prepared for it to be over over. Like close the book on it forever over. That would be hard for me to do if I still had feelings for the guy. It would be like shutting the book, burning it for good measure and never thinking about it again. Are you prepared to burn the book?
Author mysticrain Posted May 18, 2005 Author Posted May 18, 2005 Hi, I hate it cause it was just a simple thing of me overacting over something and he wants to ask for some time to himself. It's not like i spend so much time with him. I never did. I dont even spend time with him on weekends . His weekend is for his family,mom and bros and sister. I don't think he is ready for a commitment at all and he so afraid of getting too attached to me. Well if he wants a time off i can give him one permanently. I don't really like to wait around the bush.
Candy Cane Posted May 18, 2005 Posted May 18, 2005 I guess I need to know what it is you want to accomplish here. I don't really see the point in changing your number unless he's calling repeatedly and is stalking you. If you are just mad and want to get a point across to him, I think there are better ways at going about that. Like...for example...wait until he calls. Let him leave a message and then wait a few days to call him back because "you're so busy." Give him a dose of his own medicine. If he wants to talk or go out, tell him maybe you can squeeze him in a few days...like say, Thursday. If he's busy on that particular day, say, "Oh well...that's too bad. Maybe some other time." Make it all about you and your schedule...and not his. It will drive him crazy and teach him a very important lesson about consideration. It's up to you...but if you're mad, make him eat what he's been dishing out. If you just want to move on with your life and forget about him...just don't take his calls and put him out of your mind. Either way, I think he's hardly worth the trouble in changing your telephone number. Just my opinion.
Author mysticrain Posted May 19, 2005 Author Posted May 19, 2005 Hi, my bf called me up last night since i was really crying so hard. And he said that he is also hurting also from what happened. He said he doesnt have the answers yet. I told him that i am not telling him to stay away. I ask him what is stopping him from coming back to me. And he said that it is too complicated for me to understand and he has to resolve some issues. He can't give me any specific answer as to what issues they are.I asked him if it involves him and me and he said yes it does. He said he is also collecting his thoughts.He said that the pain and hurt is too soon and too fresh. He said he needs a week for him to resolve the issue. I told him that nothing is too complicated for me to understand. All he has to do is tell me what it is. I even told him if he wants me gone from his life and he said no. I told him im sorry a lot of times. It wasnt really such a big fight.I asked him if he'd rather choose us not to see each other and he said no. He just need to resolve something by himself. What is he resolving? Is he deciding on his feelings for me? Cause i asked him if it involves another person and he said no. He said he can't put things into words. Please im going nuts over this. He said he needs a week to collect his thoughts and resolve issues.
Author mysticrain Posted May 19, 2005 Author Posted May 19, 2005 "i can't yet...still have issues to resolve. I'm sorry, if its complicated for you to understand now. I'm not even too coherent as i would normally be. Need more time. I hope you understand." That was when i ask him what is stoping him from coming back to me. If he is hurting with our fight, i told him i am also hurting and im crying every night. I told him i dont him gone and im waiting for him to come back to me. and that was what i got as a reply.
Merin Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by mysticrain it was because i started it.i accused him of being unfaithful to me and i have no proof.I misinterpreted the text message He also won't introduce me to his family. We have been going out for 5 months. . Whenever i see something in his celphone i will break up with him but he is used to it that i dont really mean it. We will be fine the next day. But this last time it got worst. He doesnt want to come back or he doesnt want us to be together anymore. Okay.. well while I feel badly that you feel badly I've got to point out a few things to you.. First, you've been with him for 5 months and during this time you've stated that you've broke up with him on more than one occassion when you were snooping through his cell phone and found something you didn't like.. let me say that IF my SO and I had been together for 5 months and during that time he had broke it off with me that often I wouldn't be all about introducing him to my family either.. for real, he wasn't even sure if you were still going to be around or if it would be an awkward moment for him later telling his family the 2 of you had broke up (again) do you see what I'm saying? Secondly.. you said he is USED to you breaking up with him and that he knew/knows you don't really mean it.. seriously would you EVER get USED to someone breaking up with you that often? That isn't okay.. Trust me when I tell you I've been there with a Guy who wants to break up every 2 freakin weeks and you DON'T get used to it, You don't assume they really don't mean it and honestly yeah it gets old to the point when it happens again you do say "Okay, good to go.. see ya" It seems to me when you use "I'm breaking up with you" as a way to gain control/power in the relationship then you also run the risk that the other person eventually says "Good, done with the drama and good luck"
Candy Cane Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 Geesh...I don't know, Mysticrain. Maybe he's a foreign spy and is debating whether or not he wants to deport so that he can stay with you. Just wait and see what happens now. You really don't have a choice. He wants his space so you have to respect that. It sounds positive though. At least he called and he's talking and whatnot. Just don't let him stomp all over you. You've GOT to make him respect you. You know? This can't be a one sided relationship. It can't always be about him and what he wants. Right?
Candy Cane Posted May 19, 2005 Posted May 19, 2005 I think Merin has a point too. Breaking up all the time can get old fast. It's usually a way of trying to get what you want but it never works if you don't really want to leave and end up coming back. Therefore, things have to change. You have to tell him what you want and if he won't give it to you, you really MUST leave. Why stay in an unhappy relationship?
Author mysticrain Posted May 29, 2005 Author Posted May 29, 2005 ok here is the thing! ive moved on already and i treat him as a friend. I call him that also. But the thing is he keeps on calling me still morning, evening just to check on me. He also calls me sweetie and gorgeous...I told him to stop calling me those because that was what he called me when we were together.And i ask him to call me "friend" since i like being address that since it really tells me that i am a friend to them. He refused todo so . And when he called me he said " i miss you a lot" and i replied " thanks friend"..and he responded " ok, i deserve that"...I said "what did you say'...he said " oh its nothing"...and i told him " you were the one who doesnt want to come back" ...and he said " forget that i said that ( i deserve that)" guys and girls what does this mean? And when i ask him to introduce me to his friends for me to date them he said " i will not do that just yet. i will be very selfish with regards to your affection"
Author mysticrain Posted May 29, 2005 Author Posted May 29, 2005 and i asked him right now" are we free to move on then?" and he said i didtnt say i am going i said i just needed time to get rid of the "hurt" (ive caused-which is one simple freaking text to him which i said sorry and i cried to him and said i didnt mean it-which was 2 weeks ago already) And i told him " we really need to talk since this is confusing me and you are having me hold on to you" Guys any suggestions about this time for himself and the hurt that he is feelign which is preventing him from coming back to me. Is there such a thing? or is it jsut another lame excuse to be with someone while on a "cool off " period with me?
Candy Cane Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 I think you should turn this all around. Obviously, he's still interested but he still has all the control. Whether or not you guys get back together is still up to him. Take that power back. Regardless of how he feels, tell him that you think he's still interested in you and that you need some time to think about things...maybe date some other people. Tell him that you are uncertain about your feelings for him and need some time to explore those feelings. I would not tell him that you still have feelings for him. Tell him that you think of him as a friend and not as a boyfriend. It will drive him nuts. Tell him that if he's still interested in you in a month or so and is willing to make some changes, that you might be interested in giving him another chance. But...to leave you alone for awhile....to quit calling. You need to become a challenge to him...something worth fighting for. You know that if something is handed to easily to you, that you don't care for it as much as something you have to work for. Make yourself something worth fighting for!
Author mysticrain Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 ok ive talked to him already and ive established that i will be moving on and time will tell if we are meant to be. I forbid him to call me sweetie or gorgeous. He said finally" If i had this resolved already can i please ask a favor?" me: "What is it" He said " If i pursue you agressively and claim you again please don't close the door on me" me: " I dont know about that. Only time will tell. And we are talking about someday which we both know what is goign to happen. I believe that us being friends would be the best option here.' He said : " I will not call you friend since that is too impersonal and i wouldn;t be too uncaring, impersonal or callous. You are very special to me.I still love you. it's just that when you sent me that message that it was over between the two of us my world was falling apart and i cant sleep the whole night and i cant reach you at all. I was deeply hurt" Me:" Please ive already said sorry about that stupid mistake i made.Lets not bring the past up.And dont worry about it, Let's be friend and i wish you the happiness that is meant for you" That was our talk last night on the phone. Now i know that all he needed was like a reservation in me taht if he did not find someone much better than me he will have someone like me to get back with. That was the idea of what he said. He still calls though.I dont know why he want to check on me all the time. Morning, lunch and evening.
Candy Cane Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Well, I think you're doing really well. He could very well be playing with you...see how much of his BS you are going to take. This...I love you but I don't stuff. It's all messed up. I'm totally with you on this one. I'm going through almost exactly the same thing you are. It is hard. I find myself wondering if I'm doing the right thing and it's all very confusing. But then I think...I should never have to wonder if the man I'm with cares about me. It should be a given. After all, I am quite the catch. A guy could find worse.
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