Negativity.

[Versacehottie]

Telling you he had dyslexia sounds like he was just revealing himself. It's just a fact. Just depends on what statements or opinions he put around that fact. That wouldn't bother me.

Edited September 27, 2015 by Versacehottie

[ZA Dater]

As someone who perpetually gets accused of being negative I can perhaps shed some perspective on this.

 

I think for the most part the book comment is realistic, he is simply being honest as to how he feels about the process. Sure, he could have had some positive to say about it but if she doesn't feel positive about it then why spin a yarn which is not how he actually feels.

 

My own experience has told me a realistic/negative outlook on life is about as attractive as a horn growing out of ones head so I think he needs to either find some positive or simply resign himself to being single forever. I had to make that choice and am STILL accused of being negative.

 

One thing to watch out for with negative people and again I speak from experience is often they simply withdraw themselves from situations and chances are that negativity has its roots in one particular experience.

 

In my case negativity arose from my disgustingly bad dating experiences.

[mystikmind2005]

On the other side...

 

Sometimes overly positive people don't quite seem genuine - almost forced, as if they injected positive 'Botox' into their emotions, i think i noticed a couple of those in this thread already! (i would not want to be with one,,, too exhausting)

[Nemetona]

On the other side...

 

Sometimes overly positive people don't quite seem genuine - almost forced, as if they injected positive 'Botox' into their emotions, i think i noticed a couple of those in this thread already! (i would not want to be with one,,, too exhausting)

 

My idea of "normal" is to overall have a hopeful outlook. You are not going to be ecstatically happy all the time and of course you will have moments of sadness or times when you feel things aren't going as well as you'd like. But, I mean if you constantly view life as negative, bleak and pointless why not kill yourself?

[mystikmind2005]

My idea of "normal" is to overall have a hopeful outlook. You are not going to be ecstatically happy all the time and of course you will have moments of sadness or times when you feel things aren't going as well as you'd like. But, I mean if you constantly view life as negative, bleak and pointless why not kill yourself?

 

Yep, as i find in most things, its about having a healthy balance

[Krieger]

I can be pessimistic at times but can see the good in things the other times.

 

I just know life can and will kick your butt and it you vs the world sometimes.

 

However I cant stand overly happy people every day there happy at least on the outside it is annoying .

[edgygirl]

People who are positive all the time annoy the heck out of me. You must be really naive or blind to the world around you.

 

That being said... balance is good. You have to be positive at least part of the time otherwise it looks like you have a rainy cloud over you at all times and you're just not pleasant to be around.

 

I agree with ZA Dater, online dating made me negative too. I hope to find someone worth it so I can get out of the negativity and dark outlook.

[TunaCat]

Another thing I noticed a couple of days ago was that he was talking about how unfair the high school system is and how they focus too much on passing tests and exams constantly. Then he said, "oh but you probably had an easier experience going to school in the countryside where they were more relaxed about everything."

 

Actually my high school years and childhood were full of severe abuse. It really pissed me off the way he dismissed me with "you probably had an easier experience."

 

How can you expect him to know what your high school & childhood years were like unless you open up to him? I could understand getting upset if he said that KNOWING your painful past, but he doesn't know your past.

 

Speaking as someone who struggled hard with test taking, it was always frustrating to me how so much focus was put on test taking. I always thought it would be easier if I was in school in the countryside.

[Nemetona]

How can you expect him to know what your high school & childhood years were like unless you open up to him? I could understand getting upset if he said that KNOWING your painful past, but he doesn't know your past.

 

Speaking as someone who struggled hard with test taking, it was always frustrating to me how so much focus was put on test taking. I always thought it would be easier if I was in school in the countryside.

 

Why is somebody whining about that stuff on a second date though? A second date is not the same thing as a session with a psychotherapist. It seemed a pretty minor inconvenience to me (the fact that in the past he found tests very challenging) yet he's obviously pretty focused on it 20+ years after the event.

[Nemetona]

Re pessimism/optimism.....without my optimism (to the point where I've been focused on possibility rather than straightforward realism) I would not have achieved an education, my dream career, even the home I live in. I might not even be alive --- accepting the odds and facing 'reality' would have likely resulted in me committing suicide or at the very least giving up on my goals and dreams.

[edgygirl]

I think you guys are incompatible.

 

I'd appreciate him opening up. It's so rare these days. People like going out on first dates to "have fun". I prefer to know the real person, what they have struggled with, how they see the world, life, their childhood... I wish I met someone like that. Most people are so closed off.

 

Why is somebody whining about that stuff on a second date though? A second date is not the same thing as a session with a psychotherapist. It seemed a pretty minor inconvenience to me (the fact that in the past he found tests very challenging) yet he's obviously pretty focused on it 20+ years after the event.

[edgygirl]

I am not that much of a positive person, let's say I have positive bouts. I have achieved most things I was supposed to and more. People always get impressed with my resume. I see no correlation between being positive and being successful professionally. I guess I am just smart although I am not super positive. It works, professionally.

 

Re pessimism/optimism.....without my optimism (to the point where I've been focused on possibility rather than straightforward realism) I would not have achieved an education, my dream career, even the home I live in. I might not even be alive --- accepting the odds and facing 'reality' would have likely resulted in me committing suicide or at the very least giving up on my goals and dreams.

[Nemetona]

I think you guys are incompatible.

 

I'd appreciate him opening up. It's so rare these days. People like going out on first dates to "have fun". I prefer to know the real person, what they have struggled with, how they see the world, life, their childhood... I wish I met someone like that. Most people are so closed off.

 

I've never once heard him talk about something...anything...really enthusiastically and say "I really love xyz" or "that's one of my favourite places to go" etc. All it's been is about how life has f*cked him over or all the hardships and indignities he's endured in the past and endures to this day. There's a massive focus on his daily commuite on a crowded train. He actually said "you wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen during rush hour on the train." Does he imagine that I don't ride on those very same trains? It's not as if I cruise around our city in a chauffeur-driven Benz! It all seems very "woe is me" and self indulgent.

[Nemetona]

are you a virgin? im a virgin because my last girlfriend said i too many questions. is she nuts?

 

Why are you posting this spam in my thread?

[edgygirl]

What? Nooo. I am too old to be a virgin I guess your girlfriend was really young? Create your own thread so we don't hijack this one

 

are you a virgin? im a virgin because my last girlfriend said i too many questions. is she nuts?

[Nemetona]

Perhaps the underlying issue here is that I find people who constantly whine and get all depressed and negative over petty stuff very weak. There are people living in war zones, dying while trying to escape and find freedom. There are children in the world being raped. There are people literally starving to death. I just can't with somebody whining repeatedly about their commute to work. Some people, even in our first world country, don't even have a job and can't even afford to ride on a train.

 

I am attracted to alpha males and go getters. I'm especially into self-made men. I can't imagine most go-getting successful men whining endlessly about minor slights they endured 20 to 25 years in the past during their childhood. Especially not when on a 2nd date with a woman they are presumably trying to connect with and impress. I just don't get it.

[edgygirl]

Hmm I see your point then. I can be negative/realistic/cynical but I do balance it out with my passions and things I'm interested in etc.

 

I think the way to try and change it and see if he "gets it" then is to counteract all the negativity with questions like "so..... what are you passionate about?" / "what kind of things make you happy?" / "what is one thing you do miss about the high school days?"

 

Sometimes we negative-prone people don't even notice we're being Negative Nancies and Debbie Downers... it's good to have someone to bring us out of there and make us realize it's not that pleasant to only hear complaints.

 

I've never once heard him talk about something...anything...really enthusiastically and say "I really love xyz" or "that's one of my favourite places to go" etc. All it's been is about how life has f*cked him over or all the hardships and indignities he's endured in the past and endures to this day. There's a massive focus on his daily commuite on a crowded train. He actually said "you wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen during rush hour on the train." Does he imagine that I don't ride on those very same trains? It's not as if I cruise around our city in a chauffeur-driven Benz! It all seems very "woe is me" and self indulgent.

[Versacehottie]

My idea of "normal" is to overall have a hopeful outlook. You are not going to be ecstatically happy all the time and of course you will have moments of sadness or times when you feel things aren't going as well as you'd like. But, I mean if you constantly view life as negative, bleak and pointless why not kill yourself?

 

Yes hopeful is an indication that you are confident in YOURSELF. You depend on yourself. You aren't constantly looking to place blame. You can "get back up" when knocked down. You are not cynical or defeated. There's a difference between someone airing a disappointment or asking for advice about a negative situation AND someone who uses the negative filter in their head and can never see the good. If you were to sum up their views and all the things that hold them back from having a good time or getting what's fair or life not being perfect, I'm really wondering why they don't figure out that moving forward in life as they are is pointless (can't comment on killing themselves, I wouldn't say something like that). I secretly think they enjoy the negativity or complaining. I've noticed it's a lot of really intelligent (booksmart or career smart) people with these issues but they aren't exactly social geniuses. Your social IQ and effectiveness in life overall is a big predicator of your happiness. Not necessarily your career success.

[Nemetona]

So, we live in London. I'm from here and he's been living here for about 13 years. Does he like London? No, of course not -- he is endlessly negative about it and says he doesn't fit in or feel accepted here and that he's treated as an outsider. [interestingly he's still managed to enjoy career success here that many foreigners could only dream of]. His background is Mediteranean. I asked him if he misses his native country. No, he hated his own country as well -- he didn't fit in, nobody understood him there, he was treated like an outsider, people kept getting at him there.

 

It's just exhausting....

[kilgore]

What? Nooo. I am too old to be a virgin I guess your girlfriend was really young? Create your own thread so we don't hijack this one

 

Lol - made me laugh

[edgygirl]

I get it... That's why I think you're kind of incompatible.

 

His personality turns you off. He's probably what is called a feeler (F) in Myers Briggs (google it) whereas alpha guys are usually thinkers (T). Apparently you are turned off by feelers (who are usually more connected to their feelings about things) seeing them as whiny. Nothing wrong with that, to each their own. Some women feel more comfy with men like that, but apparently you don't.

 

I am attracted to alpha males and go getters. I'm especially into self-made men. I can't imagine most go-getting successful men whining endlessly about minor slights they endured 20 to 25 years in the past during their childhood. Especially not when on a 2nd date with a woman they are presumably trying to connect with and impress. I just don't get it.

[guest569]

So what is the problem? Dont see him again and stop whining about him being a whinger

[Nemetona]

my question is legitimate. why are you asking?

 

No it's not. I'm going to report you for spamming if you don't stop.

[Nemetona]

So what is the problem? Dont see him again and stop whining about him being a whinger

 

Getting this off my chest here has helped me see things clearly. But yeah, you are right. I must just stop seeing him.

[Versacehottie]

So, we live in London. I'm from here and he's been living here for about 13 years. Does he like London? No, of course not -- he is endlessly negative about it and says he doesn't fit in or feel accepted here and that he's treated as an outsider. [interestingly he's still managed to enjoy career success here that many foreigners could only dream of]. His background is Mediteranean. I asked him if he misses his native country. No, he hated his own country as well -- he didn't fit in, nobody understood him there, he was treated like an outsider, people kept getting at him there.

 

It's just exhausting....

 

Yeah, he sounds like a pain and a big baby. London is great, seriously and also not easy to "make it there". Culturally Mediterranean people seem to have quite the zest for life, so on the range, he is really off the charts negative. The novelty (even at 13 years) of being someone who MADE choices and followed his path rather than easily stay where he was from usually would give someone excitement for his own life. He sounds permanently depressed