Sometimes, being the Dumpee > Dumper

[Jaded15]

Let me start off by saying I've been both a dumper and a dumpee. (Although, it's mostly been the Dumpee). Recently, this past year, I went through a breakup with a girl who l loved very deeply and was about to get engaged to. This most recent breakup was the hardest of my life for several reasons; One being that we were completely compatible in all facets, and two being that we were both older having similar talks of getting married and sharing common values. I think it's totally different when you're younger , say in college for example, as you don't know where you're heading in life. Well, anyways, like most dumpees, it took me awhile to get over my ex. Several months to say the least. But eventually, I did get over her. It took at lot of time and a lot of willpower to finally let go.

 

Looking back now, I'm completely healed, & I've come to the conclusion that when and if you finally do heal from a breakup, in many ways being a dumpee far outweighs being a dumper. Of course, this is not the same for everyone. There are people who get dumped and sadly, they NEVER get over their ex. I've heard this from others before, it's very comparable to when a person is battling for their lives (Cancer, for example). Not always, but in some instances, the will of a person to overcome their death-bed has more to do with them surviving than anything else. The people who feel sorry for themselves, ask 'why me,' and live in the past, have a greater chance in not surviving than the people who do everything and anything possible to overcome their current situation. The same can be compared with people who get over losing their loved ones vs. those who can't and live in the past.

 

Now, back to my point. I think if you do happen to be one of those strong willed people and when you do finally heal and get over your ex, you as the dumpee, are in a much better place than the dumper because you had no choice but to move on. There are no what if's or alternatives. You have to accept the reality. It's out of your control at this stage. And when you do finally heal, you really do grow stronger as a person. In addition to being over the person, many dumpees grow during this time span, whether it be taking on additional hobbies, being more focused than ever with their work or school, reconnecting with others etc. Whereas, for the dumper that's not always the case because to them their is no reason for self-reflection or growth. As time goes bye, some dumpers, may also run into the possibility of completely regretting their decision and feeling miserable. Of course, this is NOT always the case, and many dumpers truly do move on. But there are also many dumpers who later on in the future, completely regret their decision and will have to live with the consequences of their actions. Unlike the dumpee, though, they did in fact have alternatives, but now they made their own bed and have to live with it.

Edited September 26, 2015 by Jaded15

[Samuel_22]

Let me start off by saying I've been both a dumper and a dumpee. (Although, it's mostly been the Dumpee). Recently, this past year, I went through a breakup with a girl who l loved very deeply and was about to get engaged to. This most recent breakup was the hardest of my life for several reasons; One being that we were completely compatible in all facets, and two being that we were both older having similar talks of getting married and sharing common values. I think it's totally different when you're younger , say in college for example, as you don't know where you're heading in life. Well, anyways, like most dumpees, it took me awhile to get over my ex. Several months to say the least. But eventually, I did get over her. It took at lot of time and a lot of willpower to finally let go.

 

Looking back now, I'm completely healed, & I've come to the conclusion that when and if you finally do heal from a breakup, in many ways being a dumpee far outweighs being a dumper. Of course, this is not the same for everyone. There are people who get dumped and sadly, they NEVER get over their ex. I've heard this from others before, it's very comparable to when a person is battling for their lives (Cancer, for example). Not always, but in some instances, the will of a person to overcome their death-bed has more to do with them surviving than anything else. The people who feel sorry for themselves, ask 'why me,' and live in the past, have a greater chance in not surviving than the people who do everything and anything possible to overcome their current situation. The same can be compared with people who get over losing their loved ones vs. those who can't and live in the past.

 

Now, back to my point. I think if you do happen to be one of those strong willed people and when you do finally heal and get over your ex, you as the dumpee, are in a much better place than the dumper because you had no choice but to move on. There are no what if's or alternatives. You have to accept the reality. It's out of your control at this stage. And when you do finally heal, you really do grow stronger as a person. In addition to being over the person, many dumpees grow during this time span, whether it be taking on additional hobbies, being more focused than ever with their work or school, reconnecting with others etc. Whereas, for the dumper that's not always the case because to them their is no reason for self-reflection or growth. As time goes bye, some dumpers, may also run into the possibility of completely regretting their decision and feeling miserable. Of course, this is NOT always the case, and many dumpers truly do move on. But there are also many dumpers who later on in the future, completely regret their decision and will have to live with the consequences of their actions. Unlike the dumpee, though, they did in fact have alternatives, but now they made their own bed and have to live with it.

Couldn't have said it better myself, very true indeed, the list of changes I have made in the last few weeks since break up is extensive, I earn nearly twice as much as I used to earn when I was with her, I have quit smoking, go to gym, well sometimes, I feel sad, I feel bad that I lost my ex....but there are days like today I feel the BU was a blessing in disguise

[hamster-girl]

I agree.

 

Oddly enough I had this conversation with my ex who dumped me. He wanted to know how comes I was taking the break up so well. (I wasn't, but he didn't know that). I told him that being dumped, there was only one thing for me to do - accept it.

He, on the other hand, had to live with the fact it was his decision to leave me.

[BriNyc82]

I have definitely grown so much with every break up each time I have been dumped. And most of the time, I never got my answers which made it just that more difficult. But I made it out the other side. I dug deep. I talked it out. I cried it out. I focused on work. I rallied with friends and took on new hobbies. I reflected on who I am and what I deserved. I learned things that I need to work on and most of all I learned what I will and won't settle for in the future.

 

My ex on the other hand most likely pushed this deep inside him and never spoke a word about it to anyone. Just like with his last breakup. He will be even more anxious at having difficult conversations. Still doesn't know how to communicate. And has learned nothing. I would much rather be me, even if he doesn't regret ending it with me.

[Meli22]

Dumpees experience the worst initial pain and have to do all they can to move on, which helps them to grow and change as a person. They get over the pain and realise they deserve better.

 

Dumpers on the other hand have to live with a guilty conscience, second guessing their decision and regretting it later on (if they do, and if the break up wasn't due to something the dumpee did wrong).

 

I don't know what I'd prefer to be honest