soulseek Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I've been posting a lot lately, not sure how many are aware of the situation.. But to sum it up. Met a guy who doesn't live in my city, got lucky and throughout the summer I was able to see him at least every three weeks for 3 days or so. It's September, I'm back in university. We have another weekend visit planned, however I am struggling with the relationship status. We are not officially together.. He says he has no interest in dating other women, but when I asked he said he can't be mad if I choose to date other guys. That comment bothers me, so had a conversation. He said he wants to be in a relationship with me, but doesn't know how it can work if we don't live in the same city. True. My point is, I'm not going to be that girl with an emotional attachment, who sleeps with him when we are together.. To not actually be official. He wants to continue what we are doing for the next few months instead of trying to find someone who he clicks with in his city... I feel hurt because I don't know what to make of this.. Should I end it? What should I do ? What is going on...
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Kind of the same issue I had, only mine is a lot more complicated. The way I see it…… its a sign to leave him. Mine used that as an "excuse" to hide her "current guy" from me. In fact, I just posted a new thread too about how to spot a narc. While your guy might not be one, he doesn't have to be. The last one on the list is very telling, because mine specifically pulled the same "thing" with me.
EricaH329 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I've been posting a lot lately, not sure how many are aware of the situation.. But to sum it up. Met a guy who doesn't live in my city, got lucky and throughout the summer I was able to see him at least every three weeks for 3 days or so. It's September, I'm back in university. We have another weekend visit planned, however I am struggling with the relationship status. We are not officially together.. He says he has no interest in dating other women, but when I asked he said he can't be mad if I choose to date other guys. That comment bothers me, so had a conversation. He said he wants to be in a relationship with me, but doesn't know how it can work if we don't live in the same city. True. My point is, I'm not going to be that girl with an emotional attachment, who sleeps with him when we are together.. To not actually be official. He wants to continue what we are doing for the next few months instead of trying to find someone who he clicks with in his city... I feel hurt because I don't know what to make of this.. Should I end it? What should I do ? What is going on... Tell him that. 2
Author soulseek Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) I did tell him I wasn't going to be that girl. He applied for a short term work contract here in my city and we find out next week if it gets it. But again, he comes for three months and then leaves me back in this exact situation... I really enjoy talking to him.. I just can't continue with what we are doing.. No strings attached. He's always been good for his word, I just don't get the point of this relationship if there's no commitment. It's going to cost a lot of money to see him monthly and if he's okay with me seeing other people what is the point... Edited September 26, 2015 by soulseek 1
EricaH329 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I did tell him I wasn't going to be that girl. He applied for a short term work contract here in my city and we find out next week if it gets it. But again, he comes for three months and then leaves me back in this exact situation... I really enjoy talking to him.. I just can't continue with what we are doing.. No strings attached. He's always been good for his word, I just don't get the point of this relationship if there's no commitment. It's going to cost a lot of money to see him monthly and if he's okay with me seeing other people what is the point... If you've told him that you don't want to get emotionally attached to someone who won't consider getting into a relationship with you, and he still says he doesn't (or can't) want that.... then there is your answer. 2
Gaeta Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 He explained he cannot give you any more than crumbs. At least he was honest. Move on. 1
Author soulseek Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 Is there any point waiting to see if he gets the job?
EricaH329 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Is there any point waiting to see if he gets the job? Not unless he'd like to pursue a relationship with you.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 What he's not spelling out, is that he wants you to be a FWB. Do you not get that? You want different things. You want commitment, he wants a ferk~buddy. Your only option is to cut ties, because if you don't give him what he wants, this is over, anyway.
Author soulseek Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 So after trying to end it, he basically said I should at least wait until he finds out about his job. He is saying that if he gets the job, we have three months to figure eachkther out more. And if it works out, and his contract is over we will figure out a solution when the time comes. He said he wants to be with me. If a guy is willing to move away and get a job here.. One can't possibly say he's looking for FWB. He's even said it's much easier to find a hookup in his city, then it is to plane trips and spent money to get it from me. Thoughts now?
Gaeta Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 He's keeping you on the back burner in case he gets that job in your city. Then if he gets the job he is assured to have an easy pvssy available (pardon my French). After the SHORT job is over he'll head back to where he is and he'll say sorry I can't do long distance. So you're looking for a status for your relationship and he's offering you 'no status' for the next 3 months. He doesn't even care about that 3 months of sleeping together with no status will only hurt you. To him all that is important is that he gets what he wants on his term.
Gaeta Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 So after trying to end it, he basically said I should at least wait until he finds out about his job. He is saying that if he gets the job, we have three months to figure eachkther out more. And if it works out, and his contract is over we will figure out a solution when the time comes. You spent the last 3 months dating as much as 3 times a week and he has not figured you out yet? He's not serious. 1
Author soulseek Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 You spent the last 3 months dating as much as 3 times a week and he has not figured you out yet? He's not serious. And you think a guy is going to move away from friends, family and his current home to just get pussy from a girl.. When in fact it's 100 times easier to get it in his city? I somewhat see your logic, but I not 100% convinced that his sole reason is for sex...
Gaeta Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 And you think a guy is going to move away from friends, family and his current home to just get pussy from a girl.. When in fact it's 100 times easier to get it in his city? I somewhat see your logic, but I not 100% convinced that his sole reason is for sex... You're not following me. He is not moving in your town for sex. He is moving to your town for the job. BUT while he is there working he will have access to easy sex.
Popsicle Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) Yes, end it. What he said was true. You have to just accept that it can't be, and if you don't want to just be a FWB, then you have to end it. Edit: Oh I read about the job situation. When will it be that he'll be ready to find a job there? Edited September 27, 2015 by Popsicle
Author soulseek Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 You're not following me. He is not moving in your town for sex. He is moving to your town for the job. BUT while he is there working he will have access to easy sex. I think we might be on different pages. His contract ended in his city. He could have found another contract in his city, but choose to also apply for work in my city. I think that changes things, as he isn't coming here for work. He applied in my city to be in my city...
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I think you know the answer to all of this but you're not happy with the responses because we're confirming your hesitation. So the guy gets the job and comes out for 3 months at which time you will likely end up falling harder and wanting more from him. Then what? What happens if he doesn't follow through with moving your relationship to the next level? How will that make you feel? I agree that this guy is at least being honest with you. He's basically spelling things out for you regarding how it's going to be with him and you're refusing to listen. You're going to have to take responsibility if your heart gets broken. Stay true to who you are and what you want and don't want. That's half the battle for heaven's sake! Don't compromise those things in the hope that with enough time he might change his mind. If you're not comfortable with this being what it is then end it and move on to someone who is willing and able to give you exactly what you want. This isn't the last man on earth Good luck. 2
sagetalk Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 I feel hurt because I don't know what to make of this.. Should I end it? What should I do ? What is going on... You are not in a relationship, you are friends with benefits. Look in a mirror and ask yourself if that is what you really want. And don't lie to yourself, be honest.
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