HansonGirl Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 (this question is for a friend, not me!) My friend just found out that her new boyfriend has at least one good friend from college who is an exotic dancer / nude model. This girl "likes" a lot of his stuff on facebook, and they will meet up if they are ever back in town for a college football game. There are pictures to prove this, and in the pictures, he looks pretty chummy with her, with his arm over her shoulder. She tags him in posts that are like quotations about friendships. We googled the girl and found her pictures, found out the strip club she works at, and even saw her (multiple) mug shots. (oh, the age of the internet....) My friend is attractive and a successful professional, but she is feeling terrible right now. Personally I don't know guys who hang out with strippers. I was always friends with nerdy guys. He is a professional too. This was all from BEFORE the two of them were going out. So I sort of feel like she has no right to be upset. Anyways, what advice would you give her (that i can steal from you and give her from me!)
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 If someone has a friend and after the friendship is formed, that person goes off & becomes a dancer, a stripper, a porn star or even a prostitute. . . well that is a life choice & pre-existing friends come with relationships. The new romance has to deal with it or walk because changing the nature of the friendship is not an option. If a romantic partner is trying to tell their new squeeze that they are friends with a person who they met while that person was already engaged in the sex trade & they met through that person's profession, the person is delusional. The sex worker is using them & is not actually their friend. Or the person is lying to the new romantic partner to cover up the fact that they are paying for the services.
Author HansonGirl Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 If someone has a friend and after the friendship is formed, that person goes off & becomes a dancer, a stripper, a porn star or even a prostitute. . . well that is a life choice & pre-existing friends come with relationships. The new romance has to deal with it or walk because changing the nature of the friendship is not an option. If a romantic partner is trying to tell their new squeeze that they are friends with a person who they met while that person was already engaged in the sex trade & they met through that person's profession, the person is delusional. The sex worker is using them & is not actually their friend. Or the person is lying to the new romantic partner to cover up the fact that they are paying for the services. This is a pretty new boyfriend - They have been together only 2 months. She likes him though. I was thinking to tell her to speak to him, however then she would pretty much have to admit to stalking him (and the stripper). They definitely were friends prior to them dating, but we don't know if they were friends before or after the girl became a stripper. Boy did he look HAPPY in those pictures. One of them he's got his arms around her and some other girl with big boobs who could also pass as a stripper. but again, that was before my friend and him were together. She was very upset and not sure what to do. She seems like she wants to break up but is not sure whether or how to speak to him about this.
Ami1uwant Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 In college being a stripper/nude model is a very good source of income while in college. I grew up in buffalo and me and friends in college would occasionally cross the border to see the Canadian ballet. A few of the guys recognized dome of them from college classes. I don't know the dynamics of the relationship between them. Did he date her then find out she stripped so he stopped the romantic relationship and just became friends?
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 If your friend can't handle the fact that someone her BF knows is a stripper, then your friend needs to not date him. Your friend has no ability to change who her BF was friends with before she met him & your friend certainly has no ability to change what her new BF's friends do for a living. Trying to change those things will only make everybody involved crazy but nothing will change. 1
Author HansonGirl Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) If your friend can't handle the fact that someone her BF knows is a stripper, then your friend needs to not date him. Your friend has no ability to change who her BF was friends with before she met him & your friend certainly has no ability to change what her new BF's friends do for a living. Trying to change those things will only make everybody involved crazy but nothing will change. She is aware of that. I don't think i have suggested she wanted to do that. It's just that neither of us have been in this position, and I want to give her good advice. I was in a SIMILAR situation. My ex was friends with a girl who might as well have been a stripper. We went to a rave party and she had sex with 3 guys while there, and made out with a girl in front of all the guys. My then-boyfriend literally stared as this was happening. It pissed me off. I did tell him, and I failed because what I said was wrong. I just came off super jealous. But he told me he never would do anything with her because he thinks she is "dirty" although he thinks she is hot. (At the end of the day, it turned out that was not the right guy for me). That's why I want to make sure I don't give her bad advice. I went about it the wrong way. I feel like maybe there is a way to bring this up without coming off like a crazy Facebook stalker and jealous woman, and maybe it could be a good conversation. But I don't see this relationship lasting very long. He more than "knows" this chick. he's clearly chummy with her. have apparently kept in touch for 10 years since college, meets up with her. who knows what else. I think my friend's problem is she doesn't know if this friendship involves any benefits or what. Who knows, she is willing to post nude for the camera, shake her boobs in the faces of strange men, she probably is looking for a nice, attractive business professional like my friend's boyfriend to rescue her. I guess it doesn't really matter what advice to give her. I think she is scared to bring it up, honestly, because she doesn't *WANT* to know. She seems just about ready to dump him without explanation. I sort of think she should give him one. Edited September 26, 2015 by HansonGirl
phineas Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 In college being a stripper/nude model is a very good source of income while in college. I grew up in buffalo and me and friends in college would occasionally cross the border to see the Canadian ballet. A few of the guys recognized dome of them from college classes. I don't know the dynamics of the relationship between them. Did he date her then find out she stripped so he stopped the romantic relationship and just became friends? HAHAHAHA! I haven't heard "Canadian Ballet" in ages. But yes, i did recognize a few women from my college classes in Buffalo dancing in canada back in the day. That was weird.
EricaH329 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Being a stripper has a lot of stigma attached to it. But they are human, too. If this friend of his wasn't a stripper, would his girlfriend feel differently? I bet it wouldn't be as big of a deal. I used to have friends that were strippers, and some of them were the best people I knew! While it isn't something I would personally do, you can't judge a person based on their choice of profession. Assuming that a stripper is 'loose' or 'easy' or 'just trying to have sex with every male around', is like saying a fast food worker is 'lazy' or 'incompetent'. Without knowing the girl personally, i'd recommend just treating her as another one of her boyfriends friends. 1
MissBee Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 (this question is for a friend, not me!) My friend just found out that her new boyfriend has at least one good friend from college who is an exotic dancer / nude model. This girl "likes" a lot of his stuff on facebook, and they will meet up if they are ever back in town for a college football game. There are pictures to prove this, and in the pictures, he looks pretty chummy with her, with his arm over her shoulder. She tags him in posts that are like quotations about friendships. We googled the girl and found her pictures, found out the strip club she works at, and even saw her (multiple) mug shots. (oh, the age of the internet....) My friend is attractive and a successful professional, but she is feeling terrible right now. Personally I don't know guys who hang out with strippers. I was always friends with nerdy guys. He is a professional too. This was all from BEFORE the two of them were going out. So I sort of feel like she has no right to be upset. Anyways, what advice would you give her (that i can steal from you and give her from me!) I don't see why her being a stripper, baker, candlestick maker matters. Unless you/your friend are assuming stripper means she's automatically promiscuous and out to sleep with and seduce men everywhere she goes. To me the stripper thing isn't as important and it seems to be one of the various renditions of the question of if men and women can just be friends and also insecurity. Why did you all need to Google her and all this? If she has a good and open relationship with her bf she should be able to ask any question she wants of him. Of course he looked "chummy" with her, they're friends...when my friends and I take pics we look chummy. You haven't said this woman has behaved inappropriately, neither does it seem he has either. I'd tell my friend to speak frankly to her bf about her insecurities, maybe hang out together with them so she can get to know the girl too instead of Googling her and online stalking her and jumping to conclusions.
Author HansonGirl Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 I don't see why her being a stripper, baker, candlestick maker matters. Unless you/your friend are assuming stripper means she's automatically promiscuous and out to sleep with and seduce men everywhere she goes. To me the stripper thing isn't as important and it seems to be one of the various renditions of the question of if men and women can just be friends and also insecurity. Why did you all need to Google her and all this? If she has a good and open relationship with her bf she should be able to ask any question she wants of him. Of course he looked "chummy" with her, they're friends...when my friends and I take pics we look chummy. You haven't said this woman has behaved inappropriately, neither does it seem he has either. I'd tell my friend to speak frankly to her bf about her insecurities, maybe hang out together with them so she can get to know the girl too instead of Googling her and online stalking her and jumping to conclusions. I don't think she is assming this girl is sleeping with him. I think the problem is she doesn't know. She doesn't know anybody herself who is like that. She has never even met a stripper. It's completely foreign to her. She doesn't know what to think. And all I have to go on is my experience with my ex-boyfriend's friend. And yes we all know she's obviously feeling very insecure about this. no question there. and PS he was a lot "chummier" with this girl than he is in photos with anybody else, including his ex-girlfriend.
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