SJV Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Hi guys. I would really appreciate your thoughts on my recent breakup. I was with my girlfriend for 1 1/2 years. On 29 August we broke up after returning from a two week holiday. When we got together my girlfriend was a virgin. I am her first serious boyfriend. The relationship was on the whole very happy. She lived two hours away so it was mostly weekends and holidays. Before we went on our holiday she moved in with me. The decisive moment was before we went on holiday. I had some sort of breakdown due to stress at work and reacted badly to a minor problem relating to our holiday. At the last moment I said I wouldn't go on holiday and was an ******* and treated her pretty badly. I put it through a great deal of stress and trauma. In the end I went on holiday and we talked it through while on holiday and came to some sort of resolution. She said that if I ever did that again she would end it. I acknowledge this. We went on to have a great holiday other than the odd minor disagreement. When we return from holiday her parents came to see her after my first day back at work. I walked into the house and they were there and they were not happy with me. Her mum proceeded to refuse to even look at me for the whole evening and then went on to take me apart about decisions I was making to do with my career. I was really uncomfortable and felt like I was being rounded on. When her parents left I told her that and she reacted very badly. The next day when I got back from work she told me she was leaving to have some time apart and to live with her friend for a bit. Over the next week we text a bit and met up a couple of times . Unfortunately for whatever reason we were unable to smooth things over and we sort of agreed to break up. I didn't put up much of a fight at the time. I think I thought she just needed to vent. I am not sure I took it seriously. The moment I got home that evening I knew I had made a terrible terrible mistake. When I text her to try and get contact with her again she had completely shut down into NC mode. Since then we have had the odd bit of contact but all of it has been through me initiating it. I had to go to her workplace to give her her coat she had left at my house when she moved all of her stuff out. I saw her but ended up getting very upset like a big girl. So I handed her the coatand got in the car quickly because one of her work colleagues came over and stood watching me like I was some violent ex-boyfriend! That night I whatsapped her over and over and over like a loser because I just wanted to know if there was any hope of us getting back together. Eventually she replied:- 'I feel bombarded ......... and that just makes this all the more difficult. We need clarity, both of us, but all of this seems like it's just muddling my head, and it must be muddling yours. There is so much healing that still needs to be done, so I'm afraid I can't and won't make you any promises. I don't think it's right for us to try to meet up - nothing would have even had a chance to change. It makes me very sad to see you so unhappy, but I have been very unhappy too and continue to find things really difficult. I'm just trying so hard to make the impression I wanted to in my job and take steps to keep going from day to day. Right now I think we both need a chance to try for our own fresh starts X' For some reason this confused me more! I appreciate that it is probably clear to you as objective people but I needed clarity so I kept messaging her asking for complete clarity and she replied saying:- '........, this is all getting a little crazy. I felt I was clear on that Monday last week: yes I love you, but I did not feel happy in this relationship anymore (in fact, I suddenly found myself very unhappy) and so I have to walk away and I have to choose to try and move on now. I can't do this anymore, and you know it breaks my heart to say it, especially again and especially here. I'm still carrying a lot of upset and it seems like you are too - but maybe this will be an opportunity for the making of both of us ultimately. I'm trying my best to be nice, but I'll be as transparent as I can: I think we both need to move on and I don't think we should be in contact like this. I'm so grateful for all of the happy times, and I'm so sad right now, but we both deserve to go and be really truly happy X' That point I said thank you for your honesty I guess this is goodbye and that I loved her and missed her and wish her every happiness and that somebody else would give her what I could not . She replied with an 'X'. That took place on 9 September. Since then there have been two messages about forwarding her post and me telling her I have a new job and thanking her for support she gave me during our relationship which allowed me to get that new job. She replied saying 'Well I'm glad that it made a difference and I really do hope that you find happiness in it x' That message was on 18 September. It was the last contact I have had from her. It was her birthday on Thursday and I sent a birthday card to her work because I do not know where she is living. The card simply said happy birthday love from ......... I also wrote a letter to her parents Apologising for any distress I caused them when I upset her before we went on holiday. This is killing me now. I desperately want to speak to her to just be able to resolve things. Some people have said no contact is the best way forward others have said she is the romantic type and wants a grand gesture. I am her first love and yet I am the one feeling like an inexperienced teenager! Sorry for the long message I would just appreciate any input comments or advice on what you would do in this situation. Thank you.
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