Els Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Not sure if you realise that I'm a woman? Okay, doesn't apply to you then. Just curious, why are you asking? Is there a guy whom you find intelligent but can't bring yourself to feel sexually attracted to him, or something? If you provide more details we can provide more useful answers. 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I need to be attracted to a man regardless of his other qualities. Otherwise he is just a friend. Attraction is very important to me because sex is very important to me. If I went out with a man that I admired personally but wasn't physically attracted to, there would be no sex life and I require a heavy sex life with a partner who I find hot.
Author Nemetona Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 There is a guy who I don't find especially physically attractive. But there is something sexy about him as a person. I want him to kiss me so that's a sign I find him attractive. Feel a bit confused Okay, doesn't apply to you then. Just curious, why are you asking? Is there a guy whom you find intelligent but can't bring yourself to feel sexually attracted to him, or something? If you provide more details we can provide more useful answers.
Redhead14 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 If a man is intelligent, interesting and kind and you connect mentally, how important are his looks to you? Frankly, looks are what cause you to engage to start with usually. It isn't until after they start talking that you know those other things That being said, my current SO did not strike me at first as being so attractive when we first started talking. But as I got to know him, he became very attractive to me. I've been approached by guys who I thought were 10's, but when they opened their mouths, it dropped to 2
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 There is a big difference between being good looking and attractive, and they are not synonymous. Ask a girl you know if she's ever known a good looking guy who she was repulsed by once he started talking. There you go. Sure, looks can often 'spark' a woman's interest, but there needs to be something more for it to truly ignite. Exactly. There are lots of "pretty packages" out there but when you open the box if you get nothing or worse, something vile, there is no sense in having it. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Remember Fiona and Shrek and Beauty and the Beast?
Els Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 There is a guy who I don't find especially physically attractive. But there is something sexy about him as a person. I want him to kiss me so that's a sign I find him attractive. Feel a bit confused IMO if you feel like you want to kiss him you're all good in the attraction department. If he asks you out I'd say go for it, try it, see if the attraction develops further or not.
Els Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Remember Fiona and Shrek and Beauty and the Beast? ROFL that actually reminds me of this joke: Looks Don't Matter...
Redhead14 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 ROFL that actually reminds me of this joke: Looks Don't Matter... LOL. Donald Trump and Melania (et al)!!!
Author Nemetona Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 I've already been out with him. Twice.I just keep changing my mind on whether I'm truly attracted to him or not! IMO if you feel like you want to kiss him you're all good in the attraction department. If he asks you out I'd say go for it, try it, see if the attraction develops further or not.
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 A few years ago I met a lovely man on a dating site. Intelligent, kind, polite, great at conversation, generous, and an all around good guy, from what I could tell. I wasn't physically attracted to him even though he was pleasant enough looking. Its not like he looked like he belonged under a bridge or something. I went out with him a couple of times because I liked him and respected him and thought perhaps the chemistry would grow for me. I even tried to drink him pretty one night, to no avail. I just wasn't attracted to him physically. We can't control that - it is what it is. Great guy, had to let him go. Epitome of "shallow" right there sweetie,,,, BECAUSE…. come that day when you get older, thats not going to matter as much, and as long as you judge people that way, you will be very lonely in the end.
Redhead14 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I've already been out with him. Twice.I just keep changing my mind on whether I'm truly attracted to him or not! Just wait and see how you feel when/if he calls. If he calls and asks you out again, if you are excited about it, there's your answer. If he calls and you're not enthusiastic, so be it. "I've enjoyed the time spent with you, but I think we should go our separate ways" 1
mrldii Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Epitome of "shallow" right there sweetie,,,, BECAUSE…. come that day when you get older, thats not going to matter as much, and as long as you judge people that way, you will be very lonely in the end. Nahhhh. Because we, too, are human, we women are allowed to be as attracted to the men as they are to us, when dating and relating. It's in The Rules, and sh*t. 6
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Nahhhh. Because we, too, are human, we women are allowed to be as attracted to the men as they are to us, when dating and relating. It's in The Rules, and sh*t. As long as she appreciates my massages, I'm all good
Hopeful30 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 It's not so much about how he LOOKS than how ATTRACTED to him I am. I've dated some ugly motherf**kers, and I knew that at the time, but for whatever reason I was attracted to them. If by looks you mean how he takes care of himself, then I would say it's important for me personally that he shows respect both for himself and the people around him, and doesn't show up wearing stained/torn/dirty clothing to events. I would want my man to look presentable. At home, he could be naked for all I care (preferable actually )
PrettyEmily77 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I need to be physically attracted to the guy straight away before I consider getting to know him in the view of a committed relationship. If the rest doesn't follow though, that's where it will end, and I never acted on physical attraction / a guy's good looks alone. So yeah, looks to me as are as important as anything else, no more but no less, just like any other trait. I wouldn't compromise on values or compatibilities no more than I would compromise on that. The whole guy is what I look at, and I sure hope it's totally mutual.
Siquijor Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Epitome of "shallow" right there sweetie,,,, BECAUSE…. come that day when you get older, thats not going to matter as much, and as long as you judge people that way, you will be very lonely in the end. That's unfair man. At least she gave the guy the chance to grow on her. I would do the same if I felt similar about someone. Be honest with them and be honest with yourself. 3
Author Nemetona Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 Just wait and see how you feel when/if he calls. If he calls and asks you out again, if you are excited about it, there's your answer. If he calls and you're not enthusiastic, so be it. "I've enjoyed the time spent with you, but I think we should go our separate ways" He just got in touch (just saying hi really) and I felt pretty excited to hear from him. Hmmmm. 1
Author Nemetona Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 Epitome of "shallow" right there sweetie,,,, BECAUSE…. come that day when you get older, thats not going to matter as much, and as long as you judge people that way, you will be very lonely in the end. But how would she have sex with a man she found physically gruesome? 1
guest569 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) Epitome of "shallow" right there sweetie,,,, BECAUSE…. come that day when you get older, thats not going to matter as much, and as long as you judge people that way, you will be very lonely in the end. Not sure why anyone would deliberately seek out ugly but nice people. Or aim for a 5. What makes you think there aren't people who have looks and personality? The guys I am super attracted to might not be considered supermodels by others or "conventionally" its subjective..but I find them irresistible 10s. Looks and many other traits before I consider a relationship thanks very much. That is not shallow. I would be insulted if my bf thought me ugly but decent. Everyone deserves someone who is legit attracted to them!! Edited September 26, 2015 by smiley1 2
MoreAmore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Attraction is for me controlled primarily by those other factors not aesthetics. I develop crazy attraction over time, and not immediately. Not that I don't appreciate my boyfriend now being exceedingly good looking. Well, I do and I don't. I made him work a lot harder to show he was very interested than less conventionally attractive guys I have dated in some insecurity, which I admit was wrong of me. I like looking at him a lot though. He has all the other requisite characteristics, though.
Author Nemetona Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 Attraction is for me controlled primarily by those other factors not aesthetics. I develop crazy attraction over time, and not immediately. This is really interesting. So in a nutshell what would you say are the factors that build attraction over time?
TunaCat Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I've only dated one guy in my entire 29 years. The first date with him was and still is, the first date I've ever been on. I wasn't totally attracted to him in the beginning. He was so hot in our teen years (We've known each other for 19 years) but as he got older, he wasn't aging well. Premature hair loss was a big cause of that. But I wanted to give it a shot with him because I thought we could really be amazing together. And honestly, the way he treated me while we were together made it easier for me to overlook the fact that I wasn't super attracted to him (looks wise) I was attracted to how he treated me and I felt like that was more important than how he looked. 2
Author Nemetona Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 I was attracted to how he treated me and I felt like that was more important than how he looked. This is beautiful really. Made me feel quite emotional.
MoreAmore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 This is really interesting. So in a nutshell what would you say are the factors that build attraction over time? For me, intelligence is way up there. It arouses me, so... Sense of humor, passion, kindness. The passion is big, too. I really like guys who really enjoy eating, who have. Zest for something, and indulge. Seeing someone pursue things... Goals (like fitness goals or work goals), or me. 2
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