MoreAmore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I dated a guy that asked to split the bill, date 1-3. It is equal but it created a friendship pattern (same guy also never attempted a physical contact). On date 4 he texted me: " Do you want to go see xxx? I'm happy to treat you if you're comfortable with that". Well... I'd be happy to "treat me", if he didn't announce it. In that case, I said thank you, "treated him back" with a dinner after the event, and then we saw each other a few more times - as Friends. Not intentionally or as a rule, but that's how it's ended up with every guy who insists on Dutch. It really does set a more platonic tone. I'd rather a "let me get this; you get the next one". If he wants to set the equal pay tone. If I do not like him, I will insist on paying my meal. I usually offer to pay my part, though that is seldom accepted. If a guy asked if I minded, and I liked him, I wouldn't counteroffer, though; I would assume he wanted to, and mark it as a big positive in his favor. Perhaps a bigger positive for being considerate to ask. But you're right, the vast majority of dates I've been on in my life with men, the guys insisted on paying for the first few dates. I might sneak-pay the third or fourth, or insist he allow me to cook him dinner.
No_Go Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Actually even for close friends (non-romantic) feels better to take turns... It establishes trust, whereas the Dutch split screams "business"... Saying that, I had many guys on dates, and unfortunately friends, speculating with the take turns idea. I wonder is it a vibe that I'm giving, or just I haven't dated "traditional" guys, but I've never experienced the "struggle for the check" phenomenon - if I offer to pay, I pay, it has never been an offer that guys rejected Not intentionally or as a rule, but that's how it's ended up with every guy who insists on Dutch. It really does set a more platonic tone. I'd rather a "let me get this; you get the next one". If he wants to set the equal pay tone. If I do not like him, I will insist on paying my meal. I usually offer to pay my part, though that is seldom accepted. If a guy asked if I minded, and I liked him, I wouldn't counteroffer, though; I would assume he wanted to, and mark it as a big positive in his favor. Perhaps a bigger positive for being considerate to ask. But you're right, the vast majority of dates I've been on in my life with men, the guys insisted on paying for the first few dates. I might sneak-pay the third or fourth, or insist he allow me to cook him dinner.
seekingluck Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 The who pays is a no win dammed if you/don't situation. A strong independent women may take offense if the guy pays because they don't want to feel like they are relying on him. Others take offense because if he pays he may be expecting something in return. If the man pays without asking then he may thing he is dominant and not an equal.... I could go on.... I'm old fashioned. You can pay. Doesn't mean i am not an independent woman who can take care of herself.
Guyouthere Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 **crying with laughter** Well if you were on a date with me, I would have to keep quiet so you could breathe. hehehe
morrowrd Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 <You sound like a great catch. Keep it up > She is my girlfriend now. I feel very lucky.... thank you for the compliment.
Toodaloo Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 So I would expect to pick up the tab on date #3? If he tries to pay the whole thing turn him down? It has taken me a very long time to let anyone other than my parents or my brother pay for me. Only my best friends parents (who I count as my own), and my 2 best friends... Then its only because I know they will accept me paying for them too. Its a massive thing for me. Give it 6 months - a year rather than a few dates before I am likely to feel even remotely comfortable... Then we can take turns. The rest of the time lets just go dutch. I am happy with that. Let me build up trust in you that anything you do for me is not going to be used as a weapon against me. Then I will start to accept it.
todreaminblue Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I will always attempt to pay for my meals especially on dates...dont like certain types of guys expecting something afterwards..........but i think what you have said he said...is consideration and courteousness.....its old school and heart melting stuff....he sounds like a keeper in my opinion.....best wishes....deb 1
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