deni9 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Greetings, Let me try to make this short and simple. 1. Dated my ex for almost 5 years. He cheated on me for 3 years. He was basically an prostitute on Craiglist and dating sites. Didnt know. When i did, i became so different with him, lost respect. Changed my whole life. We broke up. 2. Months later found a new guy. Good man. Christian, hard working, loyal-family oriented type of guy. 3. Beginning of the relationship was ok, I was always somewhat distanced because of my last relationship. Didnt want to get too blind so i had boundaries and didnt want to be too close. 4. We became serious, and fell in love. But now, its different. I cant seem to trust 100%. I realize the scars are so deep still from my ex. I am afraid of men, since my bf is a man, i fear him. I find men to be scumbags. 5. Fear of being betrayed. At this point i dont know what to do. I cant sleep because i think about "bad situations" that can happen and wondering how can i recover from it. Also, my bf and i dont really have a sex life. We both obviously get turned on alot when we are in front of one another, but we probably have sex 2xs a month. I want more and i know he does but we have busy schedules. Sometimes i wonder, he is probably like my ex, and sometimes i want to cheat on him just because i think too much and start assuming he is my ex. It sucks. It is wrong, i know. But do people really heal from bad heart breaks and scars? Its unfair for my bf to go through this, and i try to break up with him but we just cant. Men why do you guys have to hurt us so bad?
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If we leave ourselves open, vulnerable and wear our hearts on our sleeves, we're almost giving them permission. They will take what's offered. And if we offer them our souls, dignity and self-worth on a plate, they'll take that too. If you don't want men to treat you badly, don't give them permission to do so. And don't for one moment think this is a simple one-way thing. Some women can be hard-core slayers, too...
Author deni9 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 I agree with you, i guess the problem with me is "how do you really know a person"? For example, my ex. He look at him and he is a pretty amazing cool person. Strong personality, a guy who everyone enjoys talking to. You would never think he would sell his body to older women or even men. Or betray the one who he claim to "love" so much. I just dont get it. Its terrifying that there are people like that. I know i wasnt no saint growing up (i am 23) but i've learned the hard way, i am STILL a faithful, loyal woman. who wishes to continue to be that forever and love my future husband, but im just stuck. Thank you for your reply.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If you don't know, trust or feel complete yourself, how can you know, trust and feel another person completely? I'll be blunt and to the point: You're damaged goods and in no position to be dating, let alone contemplating marriage with a man you fear, consider one of countless scumbags (in a deep-down way, you don't respect him) and have sporadic sex with. This is dysfunctional. You seriously need therapy. But you also need to be alone, in order to get your head straight, and fix what ails you. While you see men as the fearful enemy, you'll always be broken.
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I once felt very much as you now feel. I can see your viewpoint concerning men. Compassion is not all soothing strokes and 'come here' cuddles. Sometimes Compassion comes in the form of a swift kick to the behind. I've endured a few of those myself.... There comes a time when such emotions and secret animosity becomes exhausting to sustain and entertain. So much resistance is difficult to maintain in a projected image of equilibrium. I am a staunch supporter of all things female; from the slightest sexist joke to the very thought of female genital mutilation and every possible female-endured 'wrong' in between. But I adore my husband, and am fortunate to count myself as his endless love. And I love male company, and enjoy mild, foolish and harmless flirtation with some male acquaintances - all done in good and respectable taste.... Don't marry. Arrange time alone, and seek therapy. This mental state you find yourself in, is unhealthy and self-defeating.
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