Panatana90 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Met a girl online who was initially very flaky about meeting me. However, we did eventually meet and had two dates which both went very well. We kissed at the end of the second date and she asked if I wanted to go to the cinema this weekend. I said yes. Didn't hear from her much in last few days so I text her and asked her if cinema was still on for tonight. She replied and said sorry should couldn't make it tonight. I said no problem, maybe some other time? She hasn't replied. She has seen the message (the joys of WhatsApp) Should I forget her or just leave it a few days? I'm just worried because she has proven flaky in the past. But our dates have gone very well and she has said she wants to see me again. Any help appreciated!
Oregon_Dude Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Dude, she's not into you. I don't know why you're allowing the flakes to happen by even responding to her with this "no problem, when are you free" crap. If a girl likes you, she has the time and will make the time. Forget this one, and up your standards next time. 1
EricaH329 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If I were in that situation, i'd give it a couple of days. If I still haven't heard anything, i'd send a follow up text explaining that i'd like to see them again and to let me know when would be best to get together. Anything after that is in their court, IMO.
Frank2thepoint Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If she was flaky at the start, and just because you had two good dates with her, it doesn't mean she isn't flaky at the end. She never offered an alternative date. She read your message, but never replied. Those three facts means she's not interested. Her words mean nothing, unless she backs them up with actions. Stop focusing just on her words. Let her go and move on.
kendahke Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Met a girl online who was initially very flaky about meeting me. However, we did eventually meet and had two dates which both went very well. We kissed at the end of the second date and she asked if I wanted to go to the cinema this weekend. I said yes. Didn't hear from her much in last few days so I text her and asked her if cinema was still on for tonight. She replied and said sorry should couldn't make it tonight. I said no problem, maybe some other time? She hasn't replied. She has seen the message (the joys of WhatsApp) Should I forget her or just leave it a few days? I'm just worried because she has proven flaky in the past. But our dates have gone very well and she has said she wants to see me again. Any help appreciated! No. When she said she couldn't make it, you needed to offer a specific time--like Saturday evening at 7:30p. When you leave it nebulous, then they won't put forth an effort to suggest a better time, especially if they're really not interested. Because you left it so in the air, she's going to take that as permission to be flakey with you. I'd forget her. Let her set up any date you two go on. You've already tried, she said "no", so now it's her turn to show interest. If she doesn't, then you know this didn't have the legs to take off and run. Next.
J21 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Seems like you're plan B. Just move on, you have nothing vested at this time so there's no need to be strung along.
Maggie4 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If it's tonight, and she cancels today, you basically got stood up. This is what should have happened: when she suggested cinema, ask her which film she wants to see, and fix a time and how to meet. Then don't text to ask if cinema was still on. Just show up and if she's not there, then no more contact with this person.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 fix a time and how to meet. Then don't text to ask if cinema was still on. Just show up and if she's not there, then no more contact with this person.I myself always send a text day of saying: "Looking forward to tonight!" Then they'll say the same, which lets me know we're still on. On the occasions they make some excuse in response, then I've saved myself the time of going somewhere I'm gonna be stood up, and can make other plans. ASKING if we're still on is weak, IMO. 3
Author Panatana90 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 I've made a decision. Going to leave it over the weekend and if I haven't heard from her after that, I'll text her saying flat out does she want to meet again. If I get a response, I'll take it from there. If I don't, then I'll never talk to her again. Easy. 1
Maggie4 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I myself always send a text day of saying: "Looking forward to tonight!" Then they'll say the same, which lets me know we're still on. On the occasions they make some excuse in response, then I've saved myself the time of going somewhere I'm gonna be stood up, and can make other plans. ASKING if we're still on is weak, IMO. Yes, it makes you wonder, if the OP hadn't text to confirm, what would have happened? Would she even let him know she's canceling? Or just let it expire? Not nice.
Ami1uwant Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I'll give her a couple of days. Generally if they need to cancel they should recommend an alternate date.
Author Panatana90 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 Yes, it makes you wonder, if the OP hadn't text to confirm, what would have happened? Would she even let him know she's canceling? Or just let it expire? Not nice. I wondered that, also. She text me before our last two dates and didn't before this one. So I had a feeling she would cancel. She is studying for a PhD and her thesis is due next month, so she is actually busy. But I don't think I know her full story so I'll just be blunt if she doesn't get back to me.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I'll text her saying flat out does she want to meet again. If I get a response, I'll take it from there. If I don't, then I'll never talk to her again. Easy.I wouldn't even do this. She's busy, you're 2nd/3rd/4th best, she doesn't wanna bother with you. Learn to take the hint. You should have too much self-respect to be bothering the same person over and over again. Don't text this one again UNLESS you hear from her first. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 PS. I had a girl cancel on me for this weekend who I KNOW is interested in me. Something about friends coming in from out of town. And I'm not sure if I'm gonna give her another chance. Cancelling is rude. I took that day off work for her. People make it pretty clear early on how they prioritize you. I'm not really cool with coming second best in this scenario. Sure, some might say that's uptight, but if you have standards for yourself, you have to maintain them.
scooby-philly Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Listen, Stop being overly polite. If she's that interested, she'd at least offer plans or an alternative. The ball is in her court. You made plans, she cancelled. Now it's her turn to respond & move. Regardless of her personality type, zodiac sign, dating or communication style, etc. You've identified the behavior. Even if she's not a big texter, she has a reason now why she can't do it. So she's flaky again. That said, all of it puts the onus on her. Either she proposes an alternative or you move on. Regardless of whether or not you should have texted or communicated more in between - what would have happened if you didn't text - or you text at 5 for a date that was supposed to be at 7? It's a two-way street. Don't go out the door yet, but put your boots on. And if it works out, I'd say early on clarify her communication style & preferences, her expectations, etc
Jules Dash Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I myself always send a text day of saying: "Looking forward to tonight!" Then they'll say the same, which lets me know we're still on. On the occasions they make some excuse in response, then I've saved myself the time of going somewhere I'm gonna be stood up, and can make other plans. ASKING if we're still on is weak, IMO. This is the way I do it or I they won hear from me at all until I show up at the meeting spot. Asking if "we are still on" just sounds too insecure to me.
Jules Dash Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 PS. I had a girl cancel on me for this weekend who I KNOW is interested in me. Something about friends coming in from out of town. And I'm not sure if I'm gonna give her another chance. Cancelling is rude. I took that day off work for her. People make it pretty clear early on how they prioritize you. I'm not really cool with coming second best in this scenario. Sure, some might say that's uptight, but if you have standards for yourself, you have to maintain them. Some women will actually test you by cancelling. My most recent ex did this for out second date just s couple of hours we were supposed to meet up. She must have thought I was a rookie because I didn't sweat it at all and offered no reschedule but she sure did scramble to reschedule. Let her contact you if she cancels. She could either be testing you or not interested, in either way, she should offer you the new date.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Let her contact you if she cancels. She could either be testing you or not interested, in either way, she should offer you the new date.Yeah, I'm not going to text her. She said she'd be in touch, but I'm not holding my breath. She seems to think I'm waiting around for her, and I have no problem dispelling that notion.
Charlotted29 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 As a girl, I promise you, if I liked a guy and we had 2 good dates I would be counting down the days until our next date. Nothing would get in the way of that 3rd date!
Oregon_Dude Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 As a girl, I promise you, if I liked a guy and we had 2 good dates I would be counting down the days until our next date. Nothing would get in the way of that 3rd date!Thanks for that info, Char. I'm thinking my current flame is not interested. (I know your post wasn't really directed at me, but I'll take it
Diezel Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I'd just delete her number. I want a girl who is all in from the beginning.
jam.over.jelly Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Man, sounds so much like what I went through. Chances are her ex all of sudden came back into the picture, then she pulled the slow fade. Sigh, move on OP, you deserve better.
LilaMarie Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 If I were interested in a guy, my response is always I can't see you on x date but I am available on x day. She's just not into you.
mortensorchid Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Just forget it. It's not going to happen. Don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings or not, it's just not going to happen.
Recommended Posts