greenleaves54 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I see what you mean about the pity. I kind of feel sorry for my ex as well for losing such a great guy like me But if that's what she wanted what can we do. About mornings, you don't have to go to the gym every time. A short run or just a walk is even better for endorphins! Get up a bit earlier, grab a fruit and take a morning walk perhaps? That's a great way to let your mind relax and start the day with. We should try to accept that times will be hard for a while. We were in love with someone! Of course those feelings can't just disappear right away. But they will diminish with time! At times I'm creating a picture in my head, where I, a few months from now, feel great, and when she starts to regret her decision I feel more or less indifferent towards her Maybe that thought can be helpful for you too. 2
louxor Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 It's been 15 days of NC, and a little over that since the girl betrayed me for GIGS. I've gotten to where I almost don't count the days which I hear is good. I've accepted my faults in the relationship and will not try to beat myself up over it. But all-in-all, I did pretty damn good this time around, and I still have the capacity for greatness. There are no "second chances", there is no amount of effort after a betrayal like that that would make this road worth walking down again. She lost a diamond while playing with some worthless stones. You guys were right about a lot of things, some of it is just harder to hear when you are emotionally charged. Earlier this week a mutual friend might have set me back a little when she told me she stalked her on facebook and proceeded to tell me what was new and I stopped her after the first sentence because I knew it wasn't going to be good to hear. But that one sentence that she managed to sneak out in an attempt to comfort me did anything but that. That and I had to cancel the our first cruise i was getting for her birthday a few months from now. Since then I've found that I'm no longer angry or charged or hurt, I'm just ... sad. Is it weird that I actually have pity for her decision? Pity? I'm not sure what it is yet? I'm not trying to decide what's best for her, but it's hard when I see the things that we were and had planned and think she would've been happy with the life I tried to keep enriched, that she got scared of a commitment that I never forced on her and ran. Whatever her reason (or lack of reason), which I'm sure you guys are right, it doesn't really even matter anymore. I've made a lot of changes lately, some harder than others. I found going to the gym at night actually helps wipe clear my mind to get sleep finally and my diet is back on track. What I can't get around is the mornings... I hate that she's still the first thing that comes to mind (involuntarily), and then that sets my day off rough and I want that to end. I'm debating gym, since it seems to be the only thing that gets me back to normal, but I'm afraid that it might be working out too much. Any suggestions? This is nearly identical to the situation I'm in - Reason for BU, time since BU, changing feelings since BU - I have it pretty much the same. I agree with you, mornings are my worst because I also seem to wake up with her on my mind every day. So I've gotten myself into a morning routine where I force myself to get out of bed and go for a run or a walk right after I wake up (Run for the days when I'm not going to the gym, walk for the days when I am - So that I'm not over exercising like you're worried about). I've found this to work wonders for my mood at the beginning of the day. 2
Author Stealth46 Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 thanks for the support guys/girls, this situation is the $#ittiest thing I've ever been through in my life. I was in denial about a lot of things as it was the most blindsided hit I've ever taken. Every now and then when I think about what her life was before me and what I brought into our life together, I just want to ask her if this is really what she wants. But I know that will never amount to anything good other than to set me back and give her another reason to run like she's good at now that I think about it. It's been ... uhhh 21 days NC, yeah 21. I've manage to find something that helps me in the morning. The exercise does work as well, but I started a writing it out, even if it's brief... I tried to write through some affirmations and positive stuff down but I haven't been 100% on that. The writing it out and not sending it seems to be a pretty good outlet to wipe out the negativity as it rolls the disbelief into the reasons why she wasn't as great as my goggles let me believe she was. It's not half glass full yet, but at least it's neutral and I can go another day without losing it. I'm trying to get into meditation, but I keep going back into a lucid sleep lol.
LOLITA85 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I know what it feels like ... Waking up and having ti think about the ex we don't want to think about, feeling the pain and realizing it's all real and thay're gone ... Dreaming about them and better times ... Ugh I hate it so much, but only time will help us heal. I know how you feel, it really sucks, I've been through it before and now I'm here again and with a baby. Ex left me for GIGS (another woman) 2 weeks after our baby was born. Every day is a struggle, but it'll get better and in time they'll realize what they've lost if we stay strong and keep in NC. You're doing great.
luck1978 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Hey there stealth, I see you say you are interested in trying meditation techniques. I would recommend an app called moving on by Andrew Johnson, it's a guided relaxation, pretty heavy stuff but forces you to face things for you to move on, may not be your thing but I quite liked it.
Samuel_22 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Like others I have been there, and it is really hard, it has been 2 months of NC and still things are bad from time to time, there are good days and bad days, I am experiencing more and more good days as time passes by, the initial days were really bad, I can confirm the first month felt like there was no progress at all, the second month brought with itself a magic, progress was daily and helped me a lot, I have the third month now, with a closure I got last night, I have no hope to go back to the ex, and I feel even better, since I have no hope to go back anymore, just stay strong, time will obliterate your memory, such a blessing is oblivion.
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