Burnt out on dating

[Stage5Clinger]

God, tell me about it. It's completely disheartening and makes you think all women are the same -- but they're not! They may be very similar though if you keep finding them in the same way/place! Keep that in mind and learn learn learn from these personality types you're meeting. Never give up unless you're dead.

[Oregon_Dude]

Hey all,

 

after yet another date which seemed promising but ended with me getting rejected - yet again - I am truly ready to begin the first day of the rest of my life. I am going to not date for a long time, until I can get my self-esteem up to a level where rejection can roll of my shoulders.

 

I am willing to face loneliness head-on. I would rather feel lonely than to constantly get rejected by women. I am officially taking myself out of the game, focusing on work, music, reading, and bettering myself. It's gonna be tough, but it will be better than the constant back and forth, getting hopes up and then having them crushed. Dating and relationships have caused me lots of grief and pain, ever since my teenage years. I'm giving them up for at least a year. The thing I will miss most is sex, but I've gone through droughts before and came out OK on the other side.

 

Wish me luck!

 

OD

[Zippy2000]

You`re going about this wrong. The girls you got dates with havented "rejected you". You just didnt meet their criteria. You didnt tick all the boxes. Their check list....what ever.

 

You have to tackle this from a different angle. Think out of the box. Its good for these women to say no because it will lead you to the right person.

 

Stop thinking these are rejections therefore failures. Youre gaining experience meeting new peoplke and becoming more confident.

 

Keep dating and take it on as a bit of fun and stop looking for something so hard as some women can smell desperation a mile of.

[joseb]

Dating and relationships have caused me lots of grief and pain, ever since my teenage years. I'm giving them up for at least a year. The thing I will miss most is sex

 

I've taken myself out of the dating game (as in looking for relationships) but I'm not abstaining from sex. After a few false starts, I've met a girl on the same page as me (sick of the drama of relationships, but wants something physical) and we see each other weekly for NSA fun. These things tend to have a shelf life though, but it's working really well so far.

[Oregon_Dude]

That's cool, jose. Unfortunately not all of us are X/Y/Z enough to find a f*ck buddy and I don't think that's gonna change for me. I have a certain lot in life and it is what it is.

 

I definitely envy that position, though.

[thecrucible]

I feel like you sometimes. But I have just gone to apathy and spending time with my girlfriends and hobbies. I can't do casual in-between relationships any more though. It's the real deal or it's nothing for me at the moment. So I go on a fewer dates. If I don't feel excited about going on a date with someone then I don't bother as I'd rather not go just for the sake of having a date. The last guy I was seeing I met through friends and I would much prefer if the next guy I meet happens this way.

[joseb]

That's cool, jose. Unfortunately not all of us are X/Y/Z enough to find a f*ck buddy and I don't think that's gonna change for me. I have a certain lot in life and it is what it is.

 

I definitely envy that position, though.

 

It's new territory for me too!

[losangelena]

That's cool, jose. Unfortunately not all of us are X/Y/Z enough to find a f*ck buddy and I don't think that's gonna change for me. I have a certain lot in life and it is what it is.

 

I definitely envy that position, though.

 

What does that mean, by the way? Not "X/Y/Z" enough?

[Oregon_Dude]

What does that mean, by the way? Not "X/Y/Z" enough?

Tall enough, sexy enough, have the f*ck buddy vibe to women.

[losangelena]

Tall enough, sexy enough, have the f*ck buddy vibe to women.

 

Is that a prerequisite, though?

 

I mean, in my world, they tend to be just normal-looking people. No height or sexiness requirements needed.

 

I've only had one, and he was ... well, he was dead sexy to me. A guy friend of mine has a FB now, and he's pretty gangly and a huge geek, so ...

 

I dunno. I used to have that assumption, too, but now I know better.

 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[lino]

Man, dating is a rough, rough thing. I read so many stories on here about people being ghosted, cheated on, not given the time of day. I'm just about ready to hang it up for a couple years, but against my own better judgment, continue to hit up OKCupid and Tinder.

 

I can't be the only one who sees flakiness on the rise in a huge way in dating. I really feel like people have very little regard for each other anymore. This is clearly tied in with advances in technology and the internet, the the illusion of endless choice.

 

I'm old enough (barely) to remember when it didn't used to be this way. People stayed in r/s's past the honeymoon stage. People didn't jump from one r/s to another so easily or quickly. The entire thing has made me very cynical about people and love.

 

Before you say I'm too sensitive, just look around this board. Countless posts and stories every day of flakiness and heartbreak. Things are worse now than ever. It's such a risk to put your heart on the line and trust people anymore.

 

You can thank things like sex and the city for this mindset.

 

Guys are a disposable commodity now like a mobile phone. Don't like your current one? Just get a new one!!

 

Once the biological clock starts to tick loud enough though, suddenly the serial dating doesn't seem so fun anymore.

[darkbloom]

OD,

 

It's okay to not rush everything. I feel like you're so focused on getting over your ex that you haven't taken the time to slow down and process it.

 

If you're burnt out it means you're going too fast. Take a break from dating. Breathe. Relax.

[gaius]

I have a good relationship Oregon and I met her just by starting a conversation one day. Not because I was particularly searching out someone to date. She ended up being this incredible woman who completely knocked my socks off. And it's kind of scary to think where I'd be right now if I hadn't made the effort to start that conversation that day. One little choice like that can have a huge impact on your life.

 

I would suggest that you don't have to actively look to date, but don't isolate yourself in your room either. Talk to people. Or something amazing might float right by and you won't even realize it.

[Oregon_Dude]

OD,

 

It's okay to not rush everything. I feel like you're so focused on getting over your ex that you haven't taken the time to slow down and process it.

 

If you're burnt out it means you're going too fast. Take a break from dating. Breathe. Relax.

Thanks db. I feel like all I've been doing is processing it. I cared so much for that girl. I feel like at 2 months out, I should be doing better than I am. After all, the r/s in itself was less than four months. The way it ended, though, was so abrupt and painful to me that it's been rough dealing with so many questions, and no answers.

 

You're right though, it's a void I've been trying to fill, and honestly it's only made things worse.

[StocksnBlondes]

Oregon dude ...you're getting dates! That's a good thing. After a breakup ....one wants status quo again of having a relationship ...so investing too much in the outcome instead of just enjoying the process. Because you're investing so much it's pointing to your not being ready ...so take some time with just being ok as a single person again. Please stop worrying about what ex is doing. That's her life ... And putting all your energy in rebuilding your own life gives you zero energy left to think about hers. Great your thinking about devoting time to your music etc.

 

I've found a few guys who I had months long relationships with and the in between times I would invest too much in the outcome of each date. It was exhausting and took energy away from my kids. I don't do that anymore because I'm ok being single again ...I know it'll happen for me and at a time when it's the right person. I do date now and just having a good time dating. The lack of sex is driving me absolutely crazy but the next guy will be happy about that

[StocksnBlondes]

Thanks db. I feel like all I've been doing is processing it. I cared so much for that girl. I feel like at 2 months out, I should be doing better than I am. After all, the r/s in itself was less than four months. The way it ended, though, was so abrupt and painful to me that it's been rough dealing with so many questions, and no answers.

 

You're right though, it's a void I've been trying to fill, and honestly it's only made things worse.

 

Have you considered doing a men's retreat? I did a woman's one and it was a fantastic energy healing experience. It'll help fill that void with love, fellowship and you solo again.

[Oregon_Dude]

Oregon dude ...you're getting dates! That's a good thing. After a breakup ....one wants status quo again of having a relationship ...so investing too much in the outcome instead of just enjoying the process. Because you're investing so much it's pointing to your not being ready ...so take some time with just being ok as a single person again. Please stop worrying about what ex is doing. That's her life ... And putting all your energy in rebuilding your own life gives you zero energy left to think about hers. Great your thinking about devoting time to your music etc.

Thanks for your encouragement, SNB. You are right - I am getting dates. I suppose this is better than some folks. I pretty much have it down to a science as far as exchanging a few messages, giving them my number, they text me, we set something up. It's all the same and it's not that hard.

 

You're right that I need to be OK with being single. And I think I'm getting there. I enjoy my freedom and not being tied to a GF. And you are also right that I need to not give an eff what the ex is doing... at the end of the day, whatever she is doing, she is still going to be 22 years old, not know who she is, and crushing hearts for years to come.

 

So, update I guess. I have more dates lined up. I know, I know. I honestly can't help myself. I get on OKCupid and get to chatting and before you know it, I've got two more dates lined up. I enjoy the chase and the excitement. I think my thing is, I really need to build a thicker skin and not get so invested in the outcomes of these things. Fact is that 95% of people are not going to be right for you. However, since I don't really meet people in IRL meet-cute type interactions, this is the best way to go for now.

 

Most people are going to be incompatible for me, so I just need to approach the whole thing as having fun, different conversations with a variety of women. It's also a way to work on my dating skills, and figuring out what I do and don't want in a partner.

 

Obviously I still haven't reached my breaking point yet.. even after I decide I'm done, I come crawling back to the game out of boredom and a desire to make a connection. The key is to just not take it so seriously.

 

I don't want any of you to think you have wasted your time posting itt.. trust me, I appreciate all of the opinions and responses. Who knows, maybe I'll come back here writing about someone really special with whom I've made a connection. You never know. For now, there is still an element of fun and possibility to the whole thing, which I should really pay attention to, as opposed to letting everything that doesn't pan out make me depressed.

 

Until next time...

[Ruby Slippers]

It can take time to find a suitable partner. It's good to be discriminating and make sure that any relationship you're getting involved in is healthy and has a good foundation. I think the trick is to enjoy dating or being single. Make the most of things even when you're not sure what the future holds. Because the fact is we are never entirely sure what the future holds, coupled up or not.

[Oregon_Dude]

Had a date with a beautiful 24 year old chick last night. Dinner and stand-up comedy. It was fun but she was a bit awkward. Got the friend text.

 

I don't get why I always get that. Maybe I should be rapier? Whatevs, I have had GFs before and I know that some women see me in a romantic way.

 

This will be a fun little blog. Three more dates coming up this week (supposedly).

[losangelena]

Had a date with a beautiful 24 year old chick last night. Dinner and stand-up comedy. It was fun but she was a bit awkward. Got the friend text.

 

I don't get why I always get that. *Maybe I should be rapier?* Whatevs, I have had GFs before and I know that some women see me in a romantic way.

 

This will be a fun little blog. Three more dates coming up this week (supposedly).

 

Yes, fantastic tactic! Try that and report back.

[Oregon_Dude]

Will do, LA!

 

Fun fact: had a girl I went on a date with 2 months ago text me last night, wanting to get together. I said sure, but that I was looking for a romantic connection. She replied she was looking for a sober friend. Anyway, I'm glad I was upfront instead of wasting my time. There are a lot of women who want you to be their friend, if you will allow it. Not interested.

[phineas]

I can get dates but i've been feeling meh. with all of them.

 

The last one made me disable my profile. LOL!

 

flaked on me, but later said we could still meet if I drove to her because she didn't want to drive to meet me. LOL!

 

She was pretty hot for a woman in her 40's & i'm sure she isn't used to men not tolerating that type of behavior because after i very nicely told her I was no longer interested & why she wouldn't leave me alone & then got pissed at me when I re-iterated why I was no longer interested.

 

oh and she also tossed out the "i'm just like all the other loser's on the site"

Well, if all the other guys drop her when she flakes you'd think she would stop flaking & playing games.

 

Summer is over anyways.

Right after thanksgiving and before the holiday's is the best time to enable the online profiles again.

[KatZee]

Why are you even dating? Serious question.

 

Are you trying to run from feelings for your ex? Do you even legitimately want a relationship or are you just trying to rebound?

 

Two months post breakup is not a lot of time. Don't you want to chill for a bit and just be single? Learn how to be your own person outside of a relationship?

 

You're burnt out on dating because you're just forcing it.

[neowulf]

Why are you even dating? Serious question.

 

Are you trying to run from feelings for your ex? Do you even legitimately want a relationship or are you just trying to rebound?

 

Two months post breakup is not a lot of time. Don't you want to chill for a bit and just be single? Learn how to be your own person outside of a relationship?

 

You're burnt out on dating because you're just forcing it.

 

Standard rebound response.

 

He's trying to fill the void left in his life by his ex. Completely textbook stuff. We've all been through it at some point.

 

I have to agree with Kat though OD. This "dating" you're currently doing is a great way to hurt a bunch of great people.

 

There's nothing worse than being emotionally unavailable when attempting to start a new relationship. You're doomed to failure from the onset and you're going to end up breaking some hearts along the way.

 

Better to take some honest time for youreslf and *deal* with being alone for a while.

 

I promise you, it won't kill you

[Oregon_Dude]

You guys are too funny.

 

I'm 2 months out of a 3.5 month relationship. Not a huge commitment there. It is fine for me to date now.

 

Me breaking hearts? These chicks don't like ME.

 

Whatever though, these are, as mentioned, standard LS responses. Thanks for your input.

 

I also appreciate the condescension.