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I haven't even been broken up for a month yet I have a crush on another guy

Jc396

By Jc396
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jc396 Member

Jc396

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Well I'm 23 and my boyfriend of five years dumped me. This was my first relationship and first break up. You can read the reason why on my post with the link below

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/548705-how-do-i-get-passed-anger-phase-i-feel-like-i-didn-t-deserve-him

 

Well i have been in no contact for a little more than 3 weeks. I have been doing what I should be doing which is going out, exercising, and keeping myself busy with activities. I have actually been having a lot of fun for the past 2 weeks despite me having my heart broken. Well one of my friends have got me into dancing and I found it as a great way to build my self confidence and meet new people. Well I met a friend of hers at a social dance. He is good looking and really sweet. He asked me to dance and was friendly and helpful despite me not being a good dancer. I don't know much about him but I'm shocked that I think I developed a crush on him.

 

It's weird cause I don't want to date or anything yet I want to learn more about him. Today I seem to be thinking iof him more than my ex,This is actually the first time I have felt this infatuated by a guy since I started dating my ex back in high school. After the breakup I thought I would never find another guy compatible for me since i never liked anyone else during our relationship. Other guys have been friendly with me since the breakup but for whatever reason I can't stop thinking about this guy.

 

It may just be a simple crush but it feels good to know that I can still feel this butterfly feeling again after so long. But I can't help but feel guilty since it hasn't even been a month and I'm already eyeing another guy. What do I make of this?

Guitaristangel Member

Guitaristangel

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Were you guys on and off in your relationship?

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Jc396 Member

Jc396

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No we were strictly on the entire time. It was a rather serious relationship

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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I hate to break it to you, but your heart was not broken. I know the feeling... it's just disappointment.

 

What do you do? Run with it. Why not?

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Jc396 Member

Jc396

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I hate to break it to you, but your heart was not broken. I know the feeling... it's just disappointment.

 

What do you do? Run with it. Why not?

 

I don't understand, how would I not feel heartbroken after five years ending? This is my first time experiencing anything like this so I'm not sure how things are supposed to go but I don't seem to feel nearly as bad as I think I should be feeling. That or I'm in denial yet why would I developed a crush on another guy if I'm denial? I don't know how to sort out these feelings.

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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I don't understand, how would I not feel heartbroken after five years ending? This is my first time experiencing anything like this so I'm not sure how things are supposed to go but I don't seem to feel nearly as bad as I think I should be feeling. That or I'm in denial yet why would I developed a crush on another guy if I'm denial? I don't know how to sort out these feelings.
It sounds like you're more worried about how you're supposed to feel rather than how you really feel.

 

The really hard-hitting, adoration type romantic love generally dies within a couple of years. After that, you may actually love the person, but true love is rare, and this forum exists because most people don't stick around after that adoration goes away. When two people feel like that, one always seems to leave first, leaving the other one devastated. It sounds like the two of you survived the loss of that crazy love and settled into something a little more stable, and eventually, a little more mundane. Apparently, your ex was a little more in tune with what you guys had and what you didn't. You seem to be coming to terms with the fact that he was probably right. That's why it isn't taking so long, and that's why this new guy can seem so attractive. You're ready for something new. Don't worry about it.

 

I went out with this girl for about 5 years, and she dumped me over the phone. I was depressed for one whole day. The day after, I felt free as a bird, and on that day, I started what was probably the most fun period of my life. I still remember that day and how I felt.

 

I'm telling you. Run with it. Accept your feelings for what they are, and you don't have to apologize for not hanging your head and crying.

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frigginlost Established Member

frigginlost

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No we were strictly on the entire time. It was a rather serious relationship

 

My opinion only.

 

Your looking for to fill a hole. You're young enough to go have some fun, but your 3 weeks removed from a serious relationship. You're running on pure emotion.

 

I see rough seas ahead...

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Jc396 Member

Jc396

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My opinion only.

 

Your looking for to fill a hole. You're young enough to go have some fun, but your 3 weeks removed from a serious relationship. You're running on pure emotion.

 

I see rough seas ahead...

 

That's what I'm nervous about. I'm afraid this happiness by going out, enjoying myself, and meeting new people will eventually go away and the sadness will hit me.

Guitaristangel Member

Guitaristangel

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That's what I'm nervous about. I'm afraid this happiness by going out, enjoying myself, and meeting new people will eventually go away and the sadness will hit me.

 

Well, I agree with frigginlost that rough seas are ahead but what kind of love or relationship are you really looking for?

Edited by Guitaristangel
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mrldii Established Member

mrldii

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That's what I'm nervous about. I'm afraid this happiness by going out, enjoying myself, and meeting new people will eventually go away and the sadness will hit me.

 

 

It may. It may come and go, in waves. Over time, you'll notice the waves get further and further apart. It's normal.

 

There's a saying, "The best way to go over the old guy, is to get under a new one." There's some validity to that. (NOT literally, of course.) The break-up caused you grief, it caused you to question yourself, your attractiveness, your ability to be part of 'a couple'.

 

Guys have been nice to you, and you haven't noticed. Until now.

 

 

Enjoy it for what it is: proof-positive you ARE still attractive and attractable AND able to be attracted to another, again. Seeeeee? IN TIME, you can - and will - love, again.

 

Maybe with this guy...but, probably not. The statistics aren't real good on 'rebound relationships', which this would undoubtedly end up being.

 

Enjoy him and his attentions and the warm, fuzzy feelings inside you...while you continue the work on getting over the last guy. You're young...have fun!!!

 

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

Dopher87 Member

Dopher87

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You must be like my EX , she had no feelings for mee when we broke up (at least i think?) she was over the breakup rather fast and had no regrets, she left me heart broken and i am still (3 months later) she was my first lover and i flew to sweden to see her. But what can you do? You feel this way for a reason just start having fun and dont be upset or create fake emotions for Him you feel guilty maybe but that's life, Some guys like me get dumped, and some People have no remorse. I understand both sides, though I've never been the dumper to anyone I can relate through other experiences. Goodluck just keep your chin high and If he reaches out be honest too him and sincere, that would make him feel better.

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Jc396 Member

Jc396

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You must be like my EX , she had no feelings for mee when we broke up (at least i think?) she was over the breakup rather fast and had no regrets, she left me heart broken and i am still (3 months later) she was my first lover and i flew to sweden to see her. But what can you do? You feel this way for a reason just start having fun and dont be upset or create fake emotions for Him you feel guilty maybe but that's life, Some guys like me get dumped, and some People have no remorse. I understand both sides, though I've never been the dumper to anyone I can relate through other experiences. Goodluck just keep your chin high and If he reaches out be honest too him and sincere, that would make him feel better.

 

Ehh he was the one who dumped me. He blocked me from everything and was harsh and hurtful to me during the breakup. Idk how he is feeling about it right now since I'm in no contact.

kgcolonel Established Member

kgcolonel

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I am very sorry this happened to you....I had something similar happen to me while in college. I found myself attracted to another young lady almost immediately however under different circumstances, I would not have been attracted to her otherwise. I soon realized this was the "rebound" that everyone warns about. Fortunately for both of us, I did not pursue this young lady but remained friends to some extent. After the fog cleared, I was able to realize what was happening and was able to avoid hurting an innocent person.

 

Tread carefully here....for both of you.

frigginlost Established Member

frigginlost

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That's what I'm nervous about. I'm afraid this happiness by going out, enjoying myself, and meeting new people will eventually go away and the sadness will hit me.

 

From personal experience (I'm in my late 40's) the sadness is going to hit you. Your head is probably everywhere right now, and it is a natural reaction to want to find focus. With that want for focus is a desire to fill the feelings lost in the relationship.

 

I was in a rebound once in my younger years (early 20's). I got dumped, and immediately (a month later) started dating a girl. I was sure that the feelings I was feeling was because she was the "one". It was kismet! She was the reason I was left! It was in the stars!

 

It was a lie. It was a lie I was telling myself. Deep down, and I mean deep, deep, down, I think I knew it, but the emotions were just so overwhelming.

 

6 months later, it all came crashing down.

 

I had to break up with her, and I still carry the scars from the look in her eyes when I told her.

 

I told myself that very day, that I would never be a rebound, nor look for a rebound.

 

I've been broken up with my last ex for 9 months and I'm still struggling. But, I know that I'm healing the "correct" way.

 

Go out, hang out, flirt, have fun, and enjoy!

 

Just remain honest to the guy and yourself.

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