Author Peanutbutterjelly124 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 Yeah no. I'm not doing chores at your place unless I want to surprise the girl. I understand what you mean about being a guest, but this isn't a normal guest sleepover type situation. From what I'm seeing, they sleep in the same bed and she expects him to make her bed for her. That's honestly the strangest request I've seen in a while. I wonder how OP would react if he presented a list to her about things she needed to change. Well actually I have a single bed so when he stays over I let him have the bed and I go and sleep on the sofa (the sofa is too small for him). He only stays over at mine once every one or two weeks. The bed is really quick to make, just straighten the blanket thats all. He watched me make the bed before and commented on that 'its really easy to make your bed'. When I go into the room the bed is always messy and unmade and he will leave it like that when he leaves. I have to go into my room and tidy it up. I think it's normal courtesy as a guest to make the bed at least?
Author Peanutbutterjelly124 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Posted September 25, 2015 Like someone said he was not brought up, he was dragged up. My teenage nephews have more courtesy in them than this man. There is nothing nicer than being out with a man that treats you like a lady and treats everyone around like a gentleman. How is he toward others when you're out? Is he holding the door for the older lady in front of him? Does he give his seat? Is he respectful of restaurant staff? Beating you to the sofa seat? That one would have killed me lol, really I would have stand there and look at him like he's the biggest jerk in the room (cause he was) I totally agree! I hate worrying about people who don't have manners. If people had good manners, it would be so much more smooth sailing! It's so simple too. Yeah beating me to the sofa seat was annoying. Especially since we bashed into each other. At least he could have asked 'oh sorry, did you want to sit there?' or something which would be normal.
Ami1uwant Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 A question for all the women...... What is a woman supposed yo fo if you expect the man to hold doors open , hold out sears, etc? In my eyes doing this stuff is putting a woman on a pedestal ...along eith this comes men needing to make all designs and taking care of do men......thus not creating a relationdhip based on respect snd equality. I suddenly remembered this guy I developed a real liking for when I was on a student work placement years ago. We became friends, with an undercurrent that I hoped would lead to something romantic, but that never did. He was a sweet guy, a very kind guy - but absolutely clueless with women. He took me out a few times on what seemed like dates, but he never tried to kiss me. I remember discussing the situation with my best friend who had met him. I said "maybe I should pounce on him. She responded that he would probably freak out if I did...so I never tried. Some men ( I am one of them) that can't read subtle clues of romantic interest snd because they respect women they don't try to do things that push the envelope and could come off as disrespectful. He was looking for signs of interest from you and didn't see it. 1
Gaeta Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 A question for all the women...... What is a woman supposed yo fo if you expect the man to hold doors open , hold out sears, etc? In my eyes doing this stuff is putting a woman on a pedestal ...along eith this comes men needing to make all designs and taking care of do men......thus not creating a relationdhip based on respect snd equality. Absolutely NOT, it has nothing to do with putting a woman on a pedestal. It's about courtesy. I am a woman and when I am in a public place I hold the door for the person behind me, I will rush to help the elderly, I offer my seat in public transportation, I offer the sofa seat to a friend I go eat out with. Ami1uwant, really you would bump out of the way your date? You would also take the most comfortable seat instead of offering to her?
Gaeta Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Peanutbutter: I asked already but you did not answer. How does he treat other people? How is he toward other people when you're out? How is he with his mother? I wonder when he takes her out if he bumps her out of the sofa seat!!
BluEyeL Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Generally speaking in any relationship is best to let people be who they are and not try to make them into exact versions of the fantasy you have about how they should behave in every little thing, take nothing personally (unless is a direct personal attack), and if there are things you want done a certain way just say so without making a big deal out of them. Know that while you can request and get some things people will be who they are at their core and in the end you have to decide what's most important to you and what you can live with because nobody will be perfect, not even you. If the balance tilts too much in the way of the negative all you can actually do is leave. If being a gentleman is important to you to a large extent, of course he's not a good match . My boyfriend was similar to the guy in Taramere's post and I kissed HIM. I also initiated sex for the first time. I figured he was scared so I helped there.
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 (edited) A question for all the women...... What is a woman supposed yo fo if you expect the man to hold doors open , hold out sears, etc? In my eyes doing this stuff is putting a woman on a pedestal ...along eith this comes men needing to make all designs and taking care of do men......thus not creating a relationdhip based on respect snd equality. I'm having trouble following this do to the spelling errors but . . . Holding doors open, having manners & being gracious is all about how people treat each other. The world in general needs more civility. Be nice. Be kind. Hold a door open. Let someone else go first, whether through a door or as you merge on a roadway. In a relationship I want my partner to put me first, just as I put him first -- give him the bigger slice of dessert, do sweet things for him. You should want to due things for the other person not because they can't or are somehow unequal but because your actions show you care & that you want to make their lives easier, to make them happy. A world without manners is a lonely scary place indeed. Edited September 25, 2015 by d0nnivain 3
d0nnivain Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 I'm having trouble following this do to the spelling errors but . . . . Ironically I pick on the other poster for his/her spelling I misuse a homophone. That should say DUE to not do to. Whoops.
Redhead14 Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 'm 30 and my boyfriend is 39, we've been together for 3 months. He spends time with me, is physically affectionate, we do things together, and we see each other about 4 times a week. We come from different countries, he is from the USA and I'm from London. Where I come from all my guy friends do these things, but my boyfriend doesn't!! It bugs me, but I'm not sure if these are big things or not?? 1) When we go to the restaurant/cafe, he doesn't offer me to sit on the sofa seat (the one that faces outwards). Instead he will rush in and sit there himself. I look around me and every single woman is sitting on the inside sofa seat and the guy sitting on the chair. This has happened twice, and the first time the waitress was a bit surprised too. The second time I tried to just go for the sofa seat, but he was going for it too so we bumped into each other, I said sorry, but he still went and sat on the sofa seat. 2) He doesn't ask me to text him when I get back home safely, or texts to make sure I got home safely. I might be out with friends until midnight, but I don't hear from him telling me to get home safe. 3) When we get food or drinks, he might say to me 'hey I'm going to go and sit at our table to make sure no one takes it'. Thus I will be the one at the counter, to pay for the food, (we do generally take turns). But my guy friends would probably tell ME to go and sit at the table and let him take care of ordering. 4) He didn't help me with the dishwashing until I asked and now he does do it every time I cook. 5) He doesn't return compliments, so if I say he is looking so hot, he doesn't say it back. In fact he has never said I looked beautiful or hot or sexy. But he is very affectionate. 6) He doesn't make the bed when he stays over at mine. SO are these things annoying to you? You can't make anyone "into" anything. They either are or they aren't gentlemen. As far as being a gentleman goes, that was his mother and father's job. If those people didn't do a good job, send him home so they can finish the job they started. 1
kendahke Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 You can't make him into anyone he has no interest in being for you or anyone else. My brother is as clueless as he is... when my sister got married, he walked her down the aisle. When the wedding was over and it was time for everyone to walk out behind the bride and groom, my brother nearly knocked my mother down trying to get past her. I was horrified. Why not just use your forearm and really plant her face into the boards? A guy who rushes to get to a seat before you are even seated is not a gentleman--he's a selfish male who is only interested in his own needs and interests, no one else's. He will never look outside himself to consider others because his selfishness is so profound. This dude? He's too emotionally stunted from what you've listed. I'd stick to Englishmen or men who have shown they've got some form of hometraining.
Ami1uwant Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Absolutely NOT, it has nothing to do with putting a woman on a pedestal. It's about courtesy. I am a woman and when I am in a public place I hold the door for the person behind me, I will rush to help the elderly, I offer my seat in public transportation, I offer the sofa seat to a friend I go eat out with. Ami1uwant, really you would bump out of the way your date? You would also take the most comfortable seat instead of offering to her? Treating them like a princess is putting them on a pedestal. I hold doors open gorge the elderly. I don't know the dynamics of fighting for a seat in the OPs situation...I've given up my seat to the elderly or my SO at the time. My question was if you expect a man to hold doors open for you as well as some of the other things....what should a man expect from the woman ????
Woggle Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 You can't make anybody into anything they aren't. If he isn't what you want drop him.
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