Author Popsicle Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 I would agree with that..and i do think lots of folks try to reconcile and then divorce. So I am not sure how you count them if they tried reconciliation first. The same with some folks divorce but then get back together....how do you count that? It isn't my poll....and i wish there was a true poll feature here...but in the end...the only reconciliation i am concerned with is my own. i come up with 8 divorce and 7 reconciliation In my OP, I said if you divorced for good, even after trying, then you are considered divorced. If you never divorced and/or are together still, you are R.
Author Popsicle Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 Had it been up to me, it would have been reconciliation. He was the one who chose divorce, probably at her insistence, because they were gonna be together. 3 months is a relatively short affair. And despite me getting pregnant in the middle of it. He had papers drawn up within a couple weeks of dday - which was him telling me. I had discovered 6 weeks earlier, but I was of the illusion it was a physical fling and I was reconciling. I'm not sure how helpful that was It was helpful. You are divorced. (And I get that you didn't want it.)
RedRobin Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 (edited) Divorced. We went to therapy for a year after he confessed. It wasn't the continued lying that made me throw in the towel. The OW was long gone. The only reason I attempted a reconciliation is because he confessed. If I'd found out, I probably would have kept the knowledge of his affair secret, cleaned out the bank accounts, THEN divorce him. ... but he confessed... so I felt he had some interest in saving the marriage. I learned that wasn't really the case. It was his neglect in general. I threw in the towel the day after he promised to spend time with me when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and he chose to spend the day playing video games with his friends instead. Plus he wanted me to quit my PhD program to work on the marriage. NFW. He tried to get back together after we divorced. So sad, too bad. I hear he is still single and asks about me sometimes. *shrug* Edited September 26, 2015 by RedRobin 2
compulsivedancer Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 You can do a poll - just ask the questions you want to ask, then use the "report" button on the post to contact moderation, and they will create it as a poll. 1
NewLeaf512 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Stayed and reconciled. 14 years after Dday now. The marriage is different. Good - but in my view not as good as it could have been. Trust will never be 100% again, and I will always hold a part of myself in reserve to keep it safe. This makes me sad, If you hold yourself back, are you happy.
compulsivedancer Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 There are now two polls - one for those who divorced/separated, one for those who are still together. 1
Author Popsicle Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 There are now two polls - one for those who divorced/separated, one for those who are still together. Thank you, I appreciate it. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 cd None of your categories fit my situation. I caught her cheating at work, kicked her to the curb and she moved out a couple of days later. I just basically walked away and never looked back. About a month in she got religion when she saw me with another woman and began a campaign to win me back. At that time I told her I knew that I would never remarry, and was not going to pay for a divorce that was caused by her actions. If she ever wanted to remarry she would have to pay for the D. For the next 3 - 4 years, I got B-Day, Xmas, Valentine's Day and wish you were here cards from her, which I trashed. Then one night I got and odd call from her, we had what I would call a very strange conversation, where she promised she would never bother me again. It was 10 years later I found out that we were divorced. She had filed saying she did not know where I lived. In fact the night of the last call with the strange conversation, we were already divorced and she probably remarried the next day. 1
compulsivedancer Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 cd None of your categories fit my situation. I caught her cheating at work, kicked her to the curb and she moved out a couple of days later. I just basically walked away and never looked back. About a month in she got religion when she saw me with another woman and began a campaign to win me back. At that time I told her I knew that I would never remarry, and was not going to pay for a divorce that was caused by her actions. If she ever wanted to remarry she would have to pay for the D. For the next 3 - 4 years, I got B-Day, Xmas, Valentine's Day and wish you were here cards from her, which I trashed. Then one night I got and odd call from her, we had what I would call a very strange conversation, where she promised she would never bother me again. It was 10 years later I found out that we were divorced. She had filed saying she did not know where I lived. In fact the night of the last call with the strange conversation, we were already divorced and she probably remarried the next day. I would consider that an immediate divorce. People get hung up on the details, but in essence, you ended it right away. (I realize I should have included separation or ending the relationship). I'm not actually divorced yet, but when people ask how long we were together, I definitely don't include this last year!
serial muse Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Divorced - after I found out about the A my initial reaction (other than shock) was to try to go to therapy to potentially reconcile, because I couldn't yet contemplate separating. But he didn't really make any effort (and at one point he told me he wanted to keep both me and the OW!) so about a month in I threw in the towel. I think you asked somewhere upthread about the WS coming back around later. He did. After we split up I guess he had stayed together with the OW, married her, had a kid with her, and promptly got divorced again. So it must have been two or three years after we split up that he came nosing around, said he was in my area and wanted to meet up "to talk". I shut that down and said no thanks, nothing to talk about anymore. Fin. (not going to pretend that that wasn't pretty satisfying)
Woggle Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Her cheating was the cherry on top of an already rotten sundae so I divorced and didn't even entertain the thought of staying.
andie1969 Posted October 1, 2015 Posted October 1, 2015 D-Day was Nov. 8 2014, our divorce will be final on Oct. 21, 2015. He moved out of our home and into the OW's home in another state, 5 hours away from our 12 year old daughter. Can't believe I spent 14 years of my life with that POS. O, and he met the OW (who was also married) on Instagram of all places.
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